Boyfriend doesn't want to spend Christmas together

[eem12345]

Hi everyone I wasn't sure whether to post this but I've been feeling a bit upset about it...ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and we live together and its an amazing relationship. But whenever I bring up spending Christmas together he gets a bit annoyed and tries to shut the conversation down. He goes away with his family every year and they are really close and I just don't think he wants to give that up but I would like to alternate Christmas between families to make it fair and to see each other as well. He doesn't seem to want to spend Christmas with me at all! I just think its strange and have started thinking maybe he doesn't see a future together- because at what point will we spend Christmas together when we already live together. Am I overreacting? Thanks everyone

I don’t think this is very unusual at all, I would maybe expect a family Xmas invite year 3 - assuming that you have your own family Xmas? I wouldn’t expect you to do alternate unless you were married with kids really.

Among my group of friends, nobody spent Christmas with their partners until they were married or until kids came along. In some cases that was ten years in!

If this accomodation is booked every Christmas until 2024 then they may be married or have kids by then or both. Would he plan on leaving her behind in that eventuality? What's done for this year is done but if this is a long term relationship I wouldn't be happy with this continuing until 2024 without at least having a discussion about it. The shutting the conversation down each time OP brings it up is the concern, not that this family have a Christmas tradition that may have to change in future years as the extended family gets bigger.

He has grown up spending Xmas with parents and siblings and will continue to do that for the foreseable until they are gone, the only time that is likely or change is of your are married with kids then you will become a family at Xmas time

Sounds to me that you think living together is a bigger thing than he does

We lived together for two years and did Christmas separately until we were married. Wouldn't have occurred to me to do otherwise? Now happily alternate, although always do x2 Christmases each year with at least x3 days at each, as nobody wants to miss out on their own family Christmas altogether!

I just wouldn't have been ready to go to his family for Christmas any sooner. Presume I didn't see him for a week over the period (can't remember really), but just cannot fathom why that's a thing.

Christmas was always family time (me and parents etc) for me, that’s a long-standing tradition. My partner of 4 years will be with me and my family for the first time this year. He absolutely respected this, and spent Christmas with his own family so far (if he had no one, I guess this would change things). I don’t understand why people tell you on here that he doesn’t care for you. Fair enough that a Christmas together is important to you, and in this case there’s maybe a compromise, eg one day together and one day with his family, but I really wouldn’t jump to conclusions about your relationship based on this.

Zombie thread

You live together,you’re an established couple but your not invited to spend Xmas with him. Sure that’s strange
whats the situation regard the other siblings partners? Do they attend? Is it a family only thing

We only started spending Christmas together once we had children - after 15 years together.

Zombie

I'm with my partner 8 years. I've spent one Christmas with him. He flies back home to see his family every year. We get new years together. But that's it.

He had a life and a family and traditions before he ever met me.
You need to stop pushing for an invite or for him to spend it with you. He doesn't want to.

I wouldn’t want to be without my OH at Christmas either but if the relationship was otherwise good I wouldn’t dwell.

I had a partner I had been living with several months when he said he was spending Christmas Day ‘at home’ which meant the marital home he used to share with his ex wife and (now adult) 4 kids. I dumped him.