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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH got drunk and smashed things

399 replies

VioletG · 09/12/2021 08:06

DH went out for dinner and drinks with a friend last night. He ended up drinking too much and was pretty drunk when he came home.
This I didn't really mind because it's not a regular occurrence and I just helped him to bed/ got water etc. it wasn't too late.

However, about 10pm he woke up and started shouting, he was ranting drunkenly about something and trying to go outside. I had to lock the front door.
There was a glass in the sink which he tried to wash up - I told him to leave it and I'd do it, he should go back to bed. He launched the glass as hard as possible at the kitchen surface and it went everywhere. A piece narrowly missed my eye. He was so angry, seemingly for no reason.

He then pulled a picture off the wall in the spare bedroom and used it to smash up the TV. I was begging him to stop; there was glass everywhere again. The dog was so scared. So was I.

Eventually I managed to get him to go to bed. But what do I do now?
I'm in shock. This isn't like him at all, he's not a violent person.
Please help, I can't think straight.

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 09/12/2021 08:07

Get out now.

Call the police.

You WILL be next.

EishetChayil · 09/12/2021 08:07

You can't stay with a violent man.

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 09/12/2021 08:07

He must never drink again.
And get out

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 09/12/2021 08:08

What town are you in?

SW1amp · 09/12/2021 08:08

Is he awake? Does he remember any of this?

thenewduchessofhastings · 09/12/2021 08:09

Last night you could have been hurt.

The next time he goes off in one of these rages it could be you he smashes up.

Don't give him the opportunity;he was drunk,angry and violent.It doesn't matter if it's "out of character" all domestic violence starts somewhere.

I'd have called the police.

Pack his bags.

Original poster
VioletG · 09/12/2021 08:10

He's not awake yet. We've been together for a very long time. He's never done this before.

I feel like I can't just leave over this. I'm newly pregnant too. I'm so confused and hurt. And angry.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 09/12/2021 08:10

Did he take drugs too?

HeyDugeesCakeBadge · 09/12/2021 08:11

Has he ever smashed things before? This can't be the first occurance as it's quite an escalation from nothing to smashing the TV? How long have you been together? Honestly, I'd leave, I have had this and stayed thinking he'd get better, he didn't.

JuneOsborne · 09/12/2021 08:12

Fucking hell. Do you think he did cociane or anything like that if drink doesn't normally affect him like this?

I wouldn't want him to stay if he can be that violent. Violence in my safe space would be a hard line for me.

Hope you're ok, well as ok as you can be after all that.

CheddarGorgeous · 09/12/2021 08:12

Sounds like he took drugs as well. I couldn't take the risk of staying with him. You will forever be worried if he will do it again.

Original poster
VioletG · 09/12/2021 08:12

No drugs, I think he was just very very drunk. M

We've been together for 7 years.

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 09/12/2021 08:13

Ah, pregnant.

That’s when they start. I’ve been there and several people I know.

MN will be here to support you. Do you have anyone else? You need to get out.

I left a relationship like this. I know how hard it is.

Sorry, OP.

JuneOsborne · 09/12/2021 08:13

Ah, newly pregnant. Explains it. Violent men often get violent in pregnancy. I fear this won't end well.

Tell somebody. Make it real, do not let it be a secret that you keep

thenewduchessofhastings · 09/12/2021 08:13

And there it is @VioletG You're pregnant.

You know that most domestic violence starts during the victim's pregnancy don't you?

Over a third of domestic violence starts or gets worse when a woman is pregnant. 15% of women report violence during their pregnancy. 40%–60% of women experiencing domestic violence are abused while pregnant.

toomuchlaundry · 09/12/2021 08:13

How would you feel if he had done this with a baby in the house? DV can escalate when you are pregnant.

NynaeveSedai · 09/12/2021 08:14

He IS a violent person. He's been violent.
Does he have a drink problem?
If you aren't prepared to call the police or leave him immediately then you must look very carefully at his response when he wakes and sees what he has done. If he is appalled and commits to never drink excessive again including getting professional help then there may be less risk of this happening again. But if he minimises or blames then it's over.

IncompleteSenten · 09/12/2021 08:14

You really should have phoned the police. He could have turned on you.

Is this your first pregnancy? I ask because abuse often starts during pregnancy. It's when you are most vulnerable and least likely to leave.

You need time to process this. You're in shock. Do you have anyone in RL you could stay with while you think about this?

Goawayquickly · 09/12/2021 08:15

First baby? This is often when it starts, when you're vulnerable. Don't stick around for a next time, there will be a next time.

Jubaju · 09/12/2021 08:15

Yeah, I’d be leaving that mess . Sounds like drugs tbh

Helpstopthepain · 09/12/2021 08:15

Have you got somewhere else to go op?

toomuchlaundry · 09/12/2021 08:16

I assume he isn’t working today if he isn’t awake yet?

Shimmyshimmycocobop · 09/12/2021 08:18

How frightening for you op, I agree with everyone else that this is very likely to happen again and next time you could be hurt. The pp is right that DV usually or often begins in pregnancy, he will of course be very sorry but how can you trust that this won't happen again and you now have your baby to protect as well as your poor dog.

FOJN · 09/12/2021 08:18

I hope you didn't clean up the mess he made, he needs to see what he did. If he is not prepared to make a commitment to never drink again you need to think about leaving. It's far too dangerous to live with someone who behaves so violently and unpredictably when they've had a drink.

I hope you're OK, it must have been terrifying. I'm not sure I could forgive someone I trusted for behaving in such a frightening way.

MalbecandToast · 09/12/2021 08:18

That must have been very frightening OP Sad