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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think father should pay csa even if he doesn't want the baby

365 replies

Bear45 · 08/12/2021 18:03

As title says!
He wanted me to have an abortion and I've not heard off him for 3 weeks now. I'm 13 weeks, obviously it's a way off but just wondering what peoples opinions are

OP posts:
Nevertime · 08/12/2021 18:03

Of course he should and he will if you go through CSA

SantasGoodLittleGirl · 08/12/2021 18:04

Obviously, he should pay.
To avoid paying child support, men should use effective contraception, or refrain from having sex.

Thegreencup · 08/12/2021 18:05

Unless the condom he was wearing and the hormonal contraception he was using failed, then he should face the consequences of his choices.

Dixiechickonhols · 08/12/2021 18:06

Yes. Even if he doesn’t want to be on birth certificate/have parental responsibility you can still claim maintenance.

Rabblesthecat · 08/12/2021 18:06

I go against the grain - no they should not.

Everyone (including the mother) has a choice up to 22 weeks. It may be a choice you don’t want to make but you are still making a choice the other way to keep it.

No baby conceived has to be born so I don’t see why they should have to pay if they have no say in its existence.

Seafog · 08/12/2021 18:07

Obviously if it was that important to him not to have a baby, he should have either not had sex, or had the snip.
He needs to contribute to the cost of any children he fathers.

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 08/12/2021 18:07

Yes. Sex = chance of baby.

Don’t like it don’t have it.

IncompleteSenten · 08/12/2021 18:07

Yes.

People can be quite stupid about this issue and one argument you hear a lot is bleating on about how women have the power and control and if a man impregnates a woman but doesn't want her to proceed with the pregnancy he should be allowed to walk away because it's really unfair that he isn't allowed to knock her unconscious and carry her down to the abortion clinic and have them whip it out before she wakes up.

The actual point is that there are three people involved. The mother. The father. The baby.

It is the rights of the child that a lot of people seem to forget when they're arguing about this

A child has the right to be supported by both the people who created it. It really is as simple as that.

PeterPomegranate · 08/12/2021 18:08

@SantasGoodLittleGirl

Obviously, he should pay. To avoid paying child support, men should use effective contraception, or refrain from having sex.
Yes this.
PeterPomegranate · 08/12/2021 18:10

@Rabblesthecat

I go against the grain - no they should not.

Everyone (including the mother) has a choice up to 22 weeks. It may be a choice you don’t want to make but you are still making a choice the other way to keep it.

No baby conceived has to be born so I don’t see why they should have to pay if they have no say in its existence.

So women who want to keep the baby should be put in a position where they need to have an abortion because the father doesn’t want to take responsibility? I can’t agree with that.
Ghostsintheshelf · 08/12/2021 18:10

He defibitwly should. Can be a nightmare getting them to pay though.

Ghostsintheshelf · 08/12/2021 18:10

Definitely

GotBeatenUp · 08/12/2021 18:10

@Thegreencup

Unless the condom he was wearing and the hormonal contraception he was using failed, then he should face the consequences of his choices.
I think you mean even if not Unless
TheLeadbetterLife · 08/12/2021 18:13

@Rabblesthecat

I go against the grain - no they should not.

Everyone (including the mother) has a choice up to 22 weeks. It may be a choice you don’t want to make but you are still making a choice the other way to keep it.

No baby conceived has to be born so I don’t see why they should have to pay if they have no say in its existence.

I know it’s the day of the Immaculate Conception, but I’m pretty sure that in this case the father did have a say in its existence.
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 08/12/2021 18:14

So women who want to keep the baby should be put in a position where they need to have an abortion because the father doesn’t want to take responsibility? I can’t agree with that

It’s tricky though because the opposite scenario in which a man wants to have the baby but the woman is able to abort it also exists. I mean it exists for reasonable reasons but it’s still pretty awful if you’re that man. So maybe it’s fair this way too - it’s the equivalent thing really.

Rabblesthecat · 08/12/2021 18:15

@PeterPomegranate

No, they choose to raise it as a single parent

Remember the CSA Was originally set up to reduce state benefits because they were reduced by the absent parents contributions. Labour changed that.

The original set up was the best.

I also don’t believe that any woman gets pregnant accidentally. There’s the pill, morning after pill, if you end up having sex without condoms.

It’s always a choice or we’ll I’ll risk it

Rabblesthecat · 08/12/2021 18:15

I’ve never met any woman for whom pregnancy would be intolerable who got accidentally knocked up. Always been those who are well hey it’s an accident so I’ll get him to pay.

bg21 · 08/12/2021 18:17

@Rabblesthecat

I go against the grain - no they should not.

Everyone (including the mother) has a choice up to 22 weeks. It may be a choice you don’t want to make but you are still making a choice the other way to keep it.

No baby conceived has to be born so I don’t see why they should have to pay if they have no say in its existence.

I agree with this 💯
peboh · 08/12/2021 18:17

I do not agree. I think if a man makes it clear straight away in pregnancy that he doesn't want a child then he should be able to revoke parental responsibility. The same as if a woman was to not want a child, but the father did, she would be able to make the choice for both of them.

freezingtoes12 · 08/12/2021 18:18

@Rabblesthecat

I go against the grain - no they should not.

Everyone (including the mother) has a choice up to 22 weeks. It may be a choice you don’t want to make but you are still making a choice the other way to keep it.

No baby conceived has to be born so I don’t see why they should have to pay if they have no say in its existence.

he made that choice by having sex.
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 08/12/2021 18:19

@peboh

You’ve put that a lot more succinctly than I did upthread

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 08/12/2021 18:19

What? The original set up was not the best at all

Men refused to pay meaning women and children were left with nothing and the csa were utter shite.

freezingtoes12 · 08/12/2021 18:19

[quote Rabblesthecat]@PeterPomegranate

No, they choose to raise it as a single parent

Remember the CSA Was originally set up to reduce state benefits because they were reduced by the absent parents contributions. Labour changed that.

The original set up was the best.

I also don’t believe that any woman gets pregnant accidentally. There’s the pill, morning after pill, if you end up having sex without condoms.

It’s always a choice or we’ll I’ll risk it[/quote]
This is just so factually incorrect it hurts. Let alone morally.

Stiffcondomhat · 08/12/2021 18:20

If you really don't want a baby don't have sex (applies to men and women)
If you don't want to continue a pregnancy, have an abortion (only applies to women as men can't get pregnant)
If you have a baby you are financially liable for their upkeep, whether you wanted it or not and whether you have contact or not (Because a baby is a human not a pay per view tv channel).

PleasantBirthday · 08/12/2021 18:20

but it’s still pretty awful if you’re that man

Yeah, not being entitled to force someone to have a medical procedure against their will is a terrible thing for the poor old men.

Why does nobody ever tell them that they can be abstinent, have a vasectomy or use a condom? Just think how many distressing situations men could be spared if only this information wasn't hidden from them.