Friend keeps asking me to have her kids

[Kelwar]

I have two children, one is a teen with additional needs who is going through a difficult time.. my other is in primary school. I’ve a friend in my youngest child’s class who has 3 kids.. her child in my little ones class isn’t close friends with my child but they get on ok.
Anyway, my friend keeps asking me to look after her kids. I know she doesn’t have an abundance of help around her although she does have a husband who mostly works from home, a brother and best friend up the road.
I’ve had her middle child for the day so she could go somewhere.. her son over at mine twice after school, and now she keeps asking me to pick him up and take him to swimming (he has swim lessons same time as my child) that starts around 5 but says I may as well take him to mine after school too! This is becoming a regular thing, my problem is, she never has asked to have my child for a play.. or offered to help. I just don’t think it’s reasonable to keep asking someone when you aren’t ever returning the favour.
I feel it’s ruining our friendship as I am trying to put in some boundaries by mostly making excuses but she’s starting to get moody with me about it..
I’ve a voluntary job as a MH support worker and a young dog who is quite demanding and needs good walks every day..

friend doesn’t work but can’t seem to manage her three kids.. so two of her kids have clubs at the same time every week which means I am asked to do one club when hubby can’t..
she also has a baby and she was dropping massive hints about being tired and me looking after her baby while she could sleep..
I don’t have help either, I think as mums we have to try and manage.. or at least if you are asking for help, offer to help too..
WWYD?

Any update OP?

Hi ya, no I’ve just put some distance between us.
Last week she asked if any of our group
Could watch her baby while she works.. we all said no.. so perhaps she is getting the message..:

Good outcome. Has she been reading MN do you think?

Lol… possibly!!!

Iv been through this..... i was a mug, i woukd say yes even though i knew i didnt want to do it and i stopped and did some thinking...

i questioned myself " why am i allowing this, why do i think i do it, what am i getting out of it, why am i nervous of saying no etc. I came to the conclusion that i must be trying to make friends, wanting to be liked, wanting to help, wanting to please people, wanting to make their life easier but hold on!!!!

Who tries to do all this bollox for me? Whos trying to make friends with me ( not using me) whos trying to get me to like them, whos wanting to help me and please me and tying to get me to like them??? Whos doing all my work when they have theyre own work to do?

Absolutely fucking no one so why am i doing it, its actually a sad desperate attempt to get noticed by people ( this is my own self reflection and not aimed at anyone else)

You wouldnt have the nerve to go to work and ask a colleague if they could kindly do your work for you would you.

Say no, dont worry about having friends, theyre not friends they never will be, you are an easy target, a nice caring person, someone who will cross paths with some vile greedy selfish asshole who will get what they can out of you until they see they cant, then will fuck you off.

Stop, now, wise up, they wanna go have more kids then they can cope with, thats theyre problem, stop making it yours, stop caring what people think of you.

When you do that, you will see you wont give a shit about making these people happy, fuck em, your energy is for you and your children, no one elses.
Good luck.x

She needs to hire a childminder if she wants extra help...sounds like she has plenty of potential support with husband, friend etc. If she asks again either say no or give her your fee!!

Grrr some people in life so are incredibly selfish and self absorbed and will literally take whatever they can get. This is absolutely appalling behaviour , I would cut all ties tbh

Taking the mick. Why can’t she or DH alternate with you for the swimming club run for example? Otherwise, as others have said - it wouldn’t matter if you had nothing to do, you are not the unpaid help!

errr zombie!

This is a great tactic…if she asks make it a reciprocal arrangement immediately while you’re having that intitial conversation.if she doesn’t want to reciprocate you know exactly where you stand.

Stop resurrecting zombie threads 🙄

Years ago I had a neighbors 2 DC every saturday so she could work. It meant arranging everything around it.

She very occasionally had my DS for an hour at a time. I then asked her to mind him and she said she didnt want to and fell out with me.

You have to say no to this woman. They are her DC and she is responsible for them.