Bad manners/no filter/rude what has happened to lots of people?

[Fairylights25]

We held a Christmas party at our house for our friends and neighbours on Saturday night, and I wish I hadn't bothered. It was A LOT of work preparing all of the food, buying all of the drinks and decorating etc and took weeks to organise.
On the day people were texting as late as 4pm to say they had the sniffles, but negative lft so clearly not covid, but they couldn't make it (they go out all of the time so not scared of the virus) Totally rubbish excuses like a long week at work etc etc. Really I was offended by the excuses and why couldn't they have let me know in the morning? Or the day before? Or not accepted in the first place.

On the actual night many people turned up totally empty handed, extremely late in some cases, in random clothes like shorts with no effort, were rude to each other and criticising the music and a few other things like the lack of craft beer etc.
These people are (supposedly) good friends, we haven't seen them for a few months, so this is out of character for many of them, but they were barely polite and some had no filter at all. It was REALLY hard work for some reason.
Half way through I wondered why I had even thought this was a good idea to have the party, it cost so much money. I tried to make the most of it, and ensure everyone had a good time and they did I am pretty sure. People got into the swing of it, and really seemed to enjoy the evening and it ended very late at 2am - we provided everything fine wines, gorgeous food.

I have had two thank yous by text from the 30+ people that came. I feel so deflated and hurt. Am I being unreasonable to expect at least a thank you text message?

I don't think I will ever host another party after this :(

It’s very rude, all I can think has covid has changed people. Made us more insular and not used to going out. Very rude though, save your money and spend it on yourself in future.

Do you think it is too much time in lockdown? And that is the reason?

I like having parties and have had loads in the past, and it has never been like this. It was truly so deflating even if it seemed so happy at the time with lots of laughter etc. Just under the surface there as sniping, rude comments and just an undercurrent that has never been there before.

Sounds very rude indeed

The moaning about lack of craft beer made me Bring it if you’re so fussy!

That’s awful of them, ungrateful and people really annoy me. You sound like an amazing host

A friend says everyone has lost their filter due to lockdowns.

The request for craft beer came from one of the people that brought nothing at all. The entitlement was pretty breathtaking.

It sounds like a fantastic party. You will have another party again, just hopefully better friends to attend.

Dh made a joke that we are not a five star hotel, but he was pretty aghast at the poor behaviour and I think he felt pretty gutted for me.

It has left me feeling like I don't want any of these people in my house ever again, which was not the idea. I am really so angry still and it is now Monday.

You just have shit friends

@Fairylights25

The request for craft beer came from one of the people that brought nothing at all. The entitlement was pretty breathtaking.

Don’t invite them next time. It’s basic manners to bring something (anything).

I agree that people can be sometimes rude, but if it’s every single person you know are you sure you’re not very sensitive?

With everything going on I don’t thing it’s bad to cancel for illness at the moment - even if it’s not Covid people don’t want coughs at a party! And things like wearing the wrong clothes? It’s a party at a friend’s house, many might see that as a casual get together. And you might receive more thank you texts later.

They were not shit friends before, seriously they were not, this kind of shitty behaviour is totally new. Many of them I have known for decades. Definitely not the case in this instance.

kana It was not 'everyone' of course not, some were as lovely as they always were, but a big chunk were rude, really rude. I am not expecting much, but a text to say thanks is not much to ask for in my book.

They sound very entitled.

TBH though I think people are generally so exhausted and traumatised by the past 18 months (I know I am) that socialising is really hard work. I’ve refused to let family stay over recently just because we need our weekends to crash.

Some of this genuinely does sound rude, but if someone invited me to a party at their house, I probably would assume casual, and wouldn't dress up unduly, and while I would absolutely always bring a bottle or food (or whatever the hosts asked me to bring) and message to thank them, I'd be unlikely to assume you'd taken weeks to organise food and decor -- I mean, it does sound like you went to enormous and unusual lengths, and are thus expecting some kind of commensurate 'effort' and gratitude...?

So did they just ask if there was any craft beer or complain and moan there wasn't any craft beer??

I saw someone banging on about 'don't call me rude because you don't like how direct I am.' My gob was smacked!

Sounds awful! It’s not been my experience so far but there has been a few rude reactions to things that stick out by people I know.

I don’t think there’s any excuse for it!!

Because we're living in a culture that promotes selfish individualism: you do you; I'm just being honest/keeping it real; start by loving yourself; yolo, etc.

Many people have forgotten the importance of manners. They are not just snobbery, but have generally evolved to make us more considerate to the needs of others and to reduce conflict.

Just wondering if anyone else is experiencing this?

Craft beer was a request and then said what kind of party is this without xx beer. Raised eyebrows and the other of the million other drinks we had?

Parties take a long time to organise at Christmas, planning and shopping for the food alone took ages, cooking all day etc. I am not looking for 'gratitude' but a thank you would have been sufficient.

Hi OP

it's weird you mention Saturday ... in our house DH, DD and I couldn't get through 5 minutes without sniping at each other, winding each other up, lots of silly squabbles. I've decided there must have been bad ju ju floating around

Sorry your party didn't go to plan, it's rubbish when you've put so much time, £ and effort in.

don't call me rude because you don't like how direct I am.'

hilarious. One woman said to another, 'so Beeswax are you still not working or doing anything with your day?' I was [shocked] and found an excuse to disappear. It was like that ALL night to a varying degree. Maybe I provided TOO much wine!!

I suspect that the rude people probably thought they were doing you a favour by gracing you with their presence. There's been some chatter in the press about how people should avoid "unnecessary socialising" - I wondered at the time whether this would make people feel entitled to just go ahead and cancel plans with no thought for the organiser.

Although if someone really has a terrible cold, I'm okay with them not coming (they probably wouldn't have fun in any case).

Your party sounds lovely. Do any of the moaners reciprocate? One thing I have noticed is that the harder work a guest is, the less likely they are to host another time.

Yes I've noticed Mr and Mrs Manners are quite often left at home these days. Simple things like holding a door open for someone or moving to let someone pass and it's often ignored.

@Fritilleries

I saw someone banging on about 'don't call me rude because you don't like how direct I am.' My gob was smacked!

Oh god, I so agree with this.

No Twat McTwatty face, it's possible to be direct and polite, you're just a rude prat.