Bad manners/no filter/rude what has happened to lots of people?

[Fairylights25]

We held a Christmas party at our house for our friends and neighbours on Saturday night, and I wish I hadn't bothered. It was A LOT of work preparing all of the food, buying all of the drinks and decorating etc and took weeks to organise.
On the day people were texting as late as 4pm to say they had the sniffles, but negative lft so clearly not covid, but they couldn't make it (they go out all of the time so not scared of the virus) Totally rubbish excuses like a long week at work etc etc. Really I was offended by the excuses and why couldn't they have let me know in the morning? Or the day before? Or not accepted in the first place.

On the actual night many people turned up totally empty handed, extremely late in some cases, in random clothes like shorts with no effort, were rude to each other and criticising the music and a few other things like the lack of craft beer etc.
These people are (supposedly) good friends, we haven't seen them for a few months, so this is out of character for many of them, but they were barely polite and some had no filter at all. It was REALLY hard work for some reason.
Half way through I wondered why I had even thought this was a good idea to have the party, it cost so much money. I tried to make the most of it, and ensure everyone had a good time and they did I am pretty sure. People got into the swing of it, and really seemed to enjoy the evening and it ended very late at 2am - we provided everything fine wines, gorgeous food.

I have had two thank yous by text from the 30+ people that came. I feel so deflated and hurt. Am I being unreasonable to expect at least a thank you text message?

I don't think I will ever host another party after this :(

I had a very expensive coat stolen by a guest at a Xmas party at expensive London address some years ago. I was lucky to get it back because the thief was standing in the doorway saying good bye to hostess wearing it on her way out but I managed to get it off her! (It had my initials on the lining).

I work in retail and have noticed how horrid people have become in the last few years. So many people lack manners, act entitled and are just bloody hard work to deal with. I had this conversation with my colleague. We have no idea what has happened with society.

I agree with PP who said manners going downhill has been a long time in the making

But I forgot to say OP, much as I'm sympathetic, I don't dress up either. I guess anyone who invites me to a party knows that. In fact, before Covid it was a factor in whether or not I attended. If I received any invite now saying "black tie" I just wouldn't go.

a house party, being forrin I can get away with slinging a fancy shawl or such over a black top and jeans or black trousers but I don't own a dress unless you count one for heatwave days, and that's only fit to be seen in the house.

I do think it's basic manners to bring something, ask the hosts if they need help and actually help if they say yes. And if someone asked me where the craft beer was, I'd ask if they got the wrong address!

It’s funny to me that the last post was about people moving aside as I’ve experienced this from both sides. One being two walkers blocking the whole of the footpath by stopping to talk to each other across it rather than along it.
The other most recent one when my teen stepson bumped into me as I was standing by the sink cos I didn’t move out of his way. I didn’t know he wanted water until he then said can I get to the tap? No -excuse me can I get some water or even would you mind filling my glass up?
And there seems to be a general notion that others should stop whatever they’re doing immediately if ‘you’ want something. If they’re in a service role that’s kind of understandable but the rudeness with which it’s stated takes my breath away.
But I’ve always thought manners work as an important social lubricant. I can only think that your old friends felt a sense of embarrassment that you’d made such an effort and they hadn’t.
With such old friends I’d be tempted to send out a missive saying you hope the grumps have found some seasonal cheer and wishing the a happier new year. Or ask them if they’re having a hard time?!maybe they’re truely low.

That is really bad, I feel so sorry for you.

Here's an idea, ask us lot to your house next time - it sounded like it
would be a wonderful party, and I bet we would all love it!!

Enjoy your Christmas xx

@Fairylights25

We held a Christmas party at our house for our friends and neighbours on Saturday night, and I wish I hadn't bothered. It was A LOT of work preparing all of the food, buying all of the drinks and decorating etc and took weeks to organise. On the day people were texting as late as 4pm to say they had the sniffles, but negative lft so clearly not covid, but they couldn't make it (they go out all of the time so not scared of the virus) Totally rubbish excuses like a long week at work etc etc. Really I was offended by the excuses and why couldn't they have let me know in the morning? Or the day before? Or not accepted in the first place.

On the actual night many people turned up totally empty handed, extremely late in some cases, in random clothes like shorts with no effort, were rude to each other and criticising the music and a few other things like the lack of craft beer etc.
These people are (supposedly) good friends, we haven't seen them for a few months, so this is out of character for many of them, but they were barely polite and some had no filter at all. It was REALLY hard work for some reason.
Half way through I wondered why I had even thought this was a good idea to have the party, it cost so much money. I tried to make the most of it, and ensure everyone had a good time and they did I am pretty sure. People got into the swing of it, and really seemed to enjoy the evening and it ended very late at 2am - we provided everything fine wines, gorgeous food.

I have had two thank yous by text from the 30+ people that came. I feel so deflated and hurt. Am I being unreasonable to expect at least a thank you text message?

I don't think I will ever host another party after this :(

i get what the OP is saying totally 100%. if i was in her shoes i think there would be a post on the likes of facebook about the party, thanking everyone for turning up and what great company there where and how good it had been to let your hair down after such a long time. make a point of saying thankyou to those that had bothered to contact you after without being too direct or naming them, say how great it was to catch up and hear about how peoples lives had been and how much things have changed since you where all last together. Basically its a post that would embarass those that behaved so appaulingly without naming them because they sure as hell know who they are. then finnish off with a right back to cleaning up after you lot but all the hard work involved has proven interesting to say the least.

then make sure you never have that person around yours ever again, they had the one chance and they screwed it up

As a counter balance, we had a Christmas party a couple of weeks ago (November - get in early!) and found that people were MORE up for it than ever.

Everyone came dressed up, everyone got straight into the spirit of it, lots of people got inappropriately drunk, a few were sick (MN judge us now) and it was AMAZING.

People brought so much booze we ended up with more than we started with, people brought snacks, sweets - all sorts.

The many post-party post-mortems have concluded that everyone was partying hard because of the uncertainty of what might come next, and because we’ve not all been together like that for nearly two years.

There were mild concerns about it being a covid spreading event, but anyone properly worried didn’t come, or stayed outside (it was an option), most did a pre-party LFT and we’d all been vaccinated.

So, maybe it can go either way?

I feel that generally manners have slipped. I think it extremely rude to say you wont be attending, just before the party. Who turns up to a party empty handed???? Also I do feel that you should dress nicely and not like you couldnt really be bothered. A hand written thank you note hardly takes any time and is so much more appreciated than a text.

Manners are dropping

This is why I stopped entertaining. Arriving late, insulting excuses (once someone two hours late for a dinner party told me they were having such a good time in bed, ha-ha.) critising the food, getting drunk, being snipey etc. Not even thanks for the evening on leaving.
No thanks, I've better things to do with my time and money.

Oh dear, I must be rude. I’ve been to parties empty handed and not ever thought to text to thank the host afterwards, but when we host I don’t expect anyone to bring anything unless asked and don’t expect a thank you later (have never had one either). Luckily we have rude friends as well.

Strangely enough tallbird I went to some corkers of parties in November, they were so much fun, people really letting rip, dressed to the absolute nines, the full works. The dancefloor was packed and everyone was drunk by 8pm which is unheard of in these parts. I wonder if was the news of the new variant that brought everyone down, as up to then it has been great, and although it could just be my shit party efforts, people arrived really down from the get go and definitely not their usual jolly selves, or maybe I missed the early (November) slot and they had run out of steam already

November is clearly the way forward....she says looking at the calendar with interest and yes you are ALL invited you lovely lot!

I think you need new friends OP.

I think lockdown made you forget that many of your friends & neighbours are a bit horrible - learn the lesson, don't have big parties, they never go well - meet up with your proper close friends in restaurants in future

They do sound rude. I would be gutted too if it was me going to that effort and guests behaved that way.

It could be partly to do with lockdown if they're not usually like that.

It sounds as if you did a good job organising it. I don't blame you for being disappointed.

I think a lot of people have got out of the way of socialising and going out since March 2020. For some they have realised they don't enjoy parties and socialising as much as they thought and others just can't be bothered to make the effort. I used to love organising and hosting a party but then felt disappointed when people cancelled or didn't show and I let it ruin the party for me. My last one was a significant birthday 3 years ago, I found myself dwelling on who didn't come or was very late (instead of the ones who came and had a great time!). I realised this was totally my issue and decided to bin hosting parties and just stick with having small groups of close friends over or meeting people out. I don't think YABU to be upset but perhaps invite smaller groups of friends you know enjoy what you do. Still think it's incredibly rude to turn up empty handed. Clothes thing wouldn't be an issue for me.

@CouldIhaveaword

Because we're living in a culture that promotes selfish individualism: you do you; I'm just being honest/keeping it real; start by loving yourself; yolo, etc.

Many people have forgotten the importance of manners. They are not just snobbery, but have generally evolved to make us more considerate to the needs of others and to reduce conflict.

Exactly. And people being really nasty and then adding 'just saying' at the end of it like this somehow makes it okay.

I left working in retail recently because of how rude people have become. It was unbearable on the customer service desk towards the end. Something has changed.

I’ve maybe been luckier but I’ve found an abundance of kindness when I’ve been out recently.. People offering to help, reaching things off shelves (I use a mobility scooter, it’s not just cos I’m short ) a nice woman went out of her way to let ds know he had a flat tyre today, and offered to lend him a pump. Maybe some people have gone one way and some people the other?

I can't bare bad manners. Just today I was speaking with colleagues about how entitled a lot of people are. Expecting to be seen when they arrive late for appointments, well no you won't be seen. Be prompt next time.
I've also come the conclusion that the more leaway I give customers the more entitled they become. Sticking to company policy and not being lenient always works out best in my experience.

Blimey I'd always take a bottle to a party and a little box of chocolates or some flowers and would 100% always send a thank you text the next day. Never arrived late. I feel for you OP.

I think lack of normal human contact over such a long time has regressed some people to a toddler like state of self-centredness and throwing their toys out of the pram if they feel their needs aren't met this instant. But like a pp said, maybe with some people it has brought out the best in them.

I was talking to a university lecturer the other day who said so many of her students are more disorganised than ever, and clueless and unapologetic about it. She put it down to trauma response to lockdown.

I'd say that the rude ones are off your invitation list for next time. Those with a cold, well, tbh I'd prefer to avoid those with known sniffles in the run up to Christmas to be honest, and frustrating as it is they did tell you, maybe they'd hoped they would e well enough
But complaining about the music and the beer is incredibly rude and borish

I had this on a night out!! It was for my partners 30th. I organised dinner and a pub crawl and made little party bags. And everyone was really indifferent or disinterested. One person was rude and unpleasant the entire time and I don't know why!! As you say there were points of laughter and enjoyment but underneath there was indifference and like people didn't want to be bothering. Even getting people there was next to impossible, so many people wouldn't reply or didn't show up. It's just exceedingly rude and not like them usually. I guess lockdown has changed people. And I've vowed after that to just not bother anymore lol. I'm not being burned again

Organising a dinner and a pub crawl is hardly hard work though is it? And I bet your ‘guests’ had to pay for themselves, so not much to be grateful for really.

OP I would bring a bottle and maybe some chocs. I wouldn’t be demanding of anything (except for maybe some good music I could have a bop to). I would thank you in the way out and probably drop you a text to thank you again the next day. I do not own- and would never want to own- a velvet dress though. Would I still be welcome?