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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner goes to all events without me

266 replies

katyalexandra · 05/12/2021 06:41

Bit of background, we’ve been on and off for 6 years, 2 kids together and live together. He has a large group of friends but every single party/wedding etc he will go without me and he says I’m being unreasonable to want to go. Am I just being too clingy? I’ll add that all his friends partners go with them and a few of his friends are also single so it’s not like he’s the only one there without a partner (even though he has one he chooses not to take).

OP posts:
Original poster
katyalexandra · 05/12/2021 06:43

Also just to add he went to a wedding last night and hasn’t even bothered to come home yet or even text me to tell me he’s not coming home.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 05/12/2021 06:43

Yanbu. Why doesn’t he want to spend time with you in public?

tallduckandhandsome · 05/12/2021 06:45

That’s not normal or right. Time to be ‘off’ permanently.

What’s the housing situation?

CareBear50 · 05/12/2021 06:45

He's being utterly selfish and this smacks of disrespect towards you and your place in his life.

Im sorry OP but he is being very unkind and thoughtless.

SarahBellam · 05/12/2021 06:46

I think that’s a rotten thing to do. He’s still living the bachelor lifestyle while you sit at home looking after the kids. Did he say why he didn’t want you to go?

CluelessAt50 · 05/12/2021 06:48

Do they know you exist? My ex never took me to work or friends' parties or functions. I found out years later that our 3 kids & I were a big secret, unlike the string of girlfriends who attended everything with him. He did work away from home though which made it far easier for him to live a double life. Me being a naive, trusting fool helped a lot too.

Ylvamoon · 05/12/2021 06:49

It depends on the event. Lad's, work, college or specific hobby type Party understandable.
Weddings and other bigger social events, have you ever asked why he isn't taking you?

AuntieStella · 05/12/2021 06:51

On and off?

Yes, this sounds like part of the 'off'

pinkstripeycat · 05/12/2021 06:53

It’s totally mean and a very strange thing to do.
He wants to have a good time without you.
I wouldn’t want a DP who doesn’t want me around.
It’s definitely not clingy for you to want to go to these things.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 05/12/2021 07:00

This would ring very loud alarm bells for me.

EsmeraldaFudge · 05/12/2021 07:02

Why are you putting up with this???

Ponoka7 · 05/12/2021 07:05

It's so he goes single and sees were the night will take him. You need to look after your own interests and plan your life according to what you want. Carry on being on and off with him if you feel that you need to. But don't waste your life because of him. He has his cake and is eating it.

KatherineJaneway · 05/12/2021 07:05

You call him your partner but he clearly isn't if he acts like you do not exist.

Player001 · 05/12/2021 07:05

I had an ex like that. Turns out I wasn't his only girlfriend.

He isn't treating this like a partnership and you deserve much more.

saoirse31 · 05/12/2021 07:07

He's not your partner really is he? There's either a reason related to cheating on you that he doesn't want you to go to events with him or there's some other issue, which maybe just that he's a waste of space. What's that teaching your children? How to treat your partner? Id be seriously considering your future with him tbh, at an absolute minimum he's treating you very poorly .

MyOtherProfile · 05/12/2021 07:07

Do his friends know about you? This is really not on.

Juniper68 · 05/12/2021 07:08

I agree with pp. You need to be permanently off.

AfterSchoolWorry · 05/12/2021 07:10

He doesn't consider you his partner. I bet he refers to you as his ex or baby momma.

Cattipuss · 05/12/2021 07:11

Seems odd to me, sorry. Its not clingy to do stuff in public as a couple, especially weddings and stuff- it's not like he's just popping to his mates house for a few beers. Do his friends know you exist?

Roominmyhouse · 05/12/2021 07:13

He’s waving a massive red flag at you here. Why doesn’t he want you to attend these things? Are you even invited? Do his friends know you?

I wouldn’t put up with it, either you are together or you aren’t. Sounds like you’d be better off finding someone who wants to be with you.

Whydidimarryhim · 05/12/2021 07:15

Have you met these friends or his family?

Noworneverever · 05/12/2021 07:15

@katyalexandra

Also just to add he went to a wedding last night and hasn’t even bothered to come home yet or even text me to tell me he’s not coming home.
I'd be wondering who's bed he's in right now.
MiddleEasternMummy · 05/12/2021 07:19

Op it's not normal . It's disrespectful to say the least .
You deserve better , look in the mirror and tell yourself that please .
Don't be gaslighted by him telling you it's normal or your too clingy.
I couldn't say any clearer you deserve better !!
Big hugs 🤗

Gretaburley · 05/12/2021 07:22

Time to put yourself first.
He’s a horrible human.

rainbowstardrops · 05/12/2021 07:28

Ditch him. This isn't a relationship

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