Partner goes to all events without me

[katyalexandra]

Bit of background, we’ve been on and off for 6 years, 2 kids together and live together. He has a large group of friends but every single party/wedding etc he will go without me and he says I’m being unreasonable to want to go. Am I just being too clingy? I’ll add that all his friends partners go with them and a few of his friends are also single so it’s not like he’s the only one there without a partner (even though he has one he chooses not to take).

@LadyEloise1 he's gone back to his mums 😊 I think he thinks he'll be back soon but I'm staying strong 🤞 ill be honest I think if I hadn't of gotten so many replies stating how bad he treats me, I probably would have stayed with him and thought I was over thinking.

I'm so glad you realised your worth.
So true the poster who said he hadn't grown up.
Well done - you deserve so much better.

[quote katyalexandra]@toomuchlaundry yeah our eldest is used to I guess as he’s only been back living here since September. He’s a good dad I’ll give him that and yes he would have them but not over night etc to start with as he would probably move back to his mums house on the sofa.[/quote]
He's not a "good Dad". He really isn't

As @Mummyoflittledragon said "He sees you as an option, good enough for now. Waiting for something better to come along. He would be very proud of being with you if he considered you his life partner."

Good for you @katyalexandra I hope you have a fantastic Christmas in your home with your kids and at some time during the day think to yourself this is the safe stable home I created for my family and I am a strong, capable person. You are worthy of so much more than what he was giving you x

It's great that you're really working hard to provide a stable, loving home with your children. Of course it's a shame that the relationship with their father didn't work out but (if he wants to) he can still create a close, loving relationship with them too. Just in a different house.

I hope you stand strong and don't allow him back, but if you do, we'll still be here to support you when you decide to kick him out again!

Didn't want to start a new thread as hoping you guys on this post could help me.

Now I'm past the relationship situation, I'm finding the 'co-parenting' situation quite confusing as we've never really had to 'co-parent' and lead completely separate lives. I don't know whether to let him in the house when he comes to get the kids/talk about our own lives with each other/go out for days together etc.. At this rate he seems to just be acting like nothings happened and hasn't even acknowledged what went wrong in the relationship but I'm trying to put that in the past now and focus on what's best for our daughters.

Any help would be appreciated! thank you

Make sure you put in the boundaries you feel comfortable with from the beginning.

@MyOtherProfile that's what I'm struggling with. We've never had boundaries and I don't want the kids to feel the awkward tension between us so right now I'm just being friendly but I don't know if he even deserves me being friendly. Maybe I should answer the door say hello and say bye to the kids and that's it. He texts every day asking how they are and I don't know if it's normal for him to text every day or not? He knows they're fine otherwise I would tell him. Ahhh this is really hard

It sounds like you're doing really well. If you can remain civil then obviously that's best for the kids but do make sure you're looking after yourself, so if it's too hard don't feel you need to chitchat with him.

I would be ignoring his texts.

He turns up for contact and takes them to his place. He sets up to receive info from school/nursery.

You need to detach and separate and build separate lives.

Sure years in the future you may spend time in each other's company at school events etc but for now your DC need to see that you are two separate households. Most importantly he needs to see it/live it.

@RandomMess yeah I think this is the best way isn't it. Thank you

I don't think I'd be letting him in the house for now. Meet him at the door with the children. In the future you can change this if it suits you but not now.

I wouldn't let him in the house, hand over the dc at the door. A 'hi, how are you' 'I'm fine' is all you need to say to him

Tell him to stop texting you, you will text him if there is an issue with the kids or have anything important to tell him. He can text if he has a specific dc related issue but not the daily check ups. There's really no need

Don't talk to him about anything other than the dc's welfare. Stay away from 'oh so you remember when little jimmy did x' or 'ohh little jimmy was so lovely in his Xmas play' just keep it distant and factual.

Pull up and agree a rota for when he has the dc, pick up and drop off times. This will allow you to have a life outside of the kids and the kids will feel much better and more secure with a regular routine

Look up 'grey rock' technique. It can be used when dealing with abusers but it's also good for stepping back and dealing with an ex.

Go via the cms for child maintenance

How are you doing @katyalexandra ?

@LadyEloise1 I'm really good thank you for asking. Its been nearly 2 months and I've adjusted to life without him just fine, looking forward to what the future holds for me and my girls

That's great.
Well done you