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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner goes to all events without me

266 replies

katyalexandra · 05/12/2021 06:41

Bit of background, we’ve been on and off for 6 years, 2 kids together and live together. He has a large group of friends but every single party/wedding etc he will go without me and he says I’m being unreasonable to want to go. Am I just being too clingy? I’ll add that all his friends partners go with them and a few of his friends are also single so it’s not like he’s the only one there without a partner (even though he has one he chooses not to take).

OP posts:
Notbornwithit · 05/12/2021 08:26

You’re not anything to him. Move on

Jayaywhynot · 05/12/2021 08:27

My ex was like this.
Any event with his family and friends, drinks, bbqs, bonfire parties, Xmas party, camping trips he'd go alone.
He wouldn't even invite me even though the other wives / partners would go. I used to be really hurt by it, I'd be sat at home whilst he and his family and what I thought were our friends would be enjoying themselves.
17 years this went on for, it was like I was there to facilitate his home life, like he'd put me in a box, I was OK at home but he didn't want to socialise with me, I'm not an arsehole btw, I'm friendly, people tend to like me.
I started going out by myself, going to restaurants alone, drives, trips to the coast which he thought was wierd, I told him that I can't spend the rest of my life indoors, he had a social life that I wasn't welcome to.
He was soooo surprised the day I asked him to pack his bag and leave, lots of tears and snot, begging, promises to change, he had 17 yrs to change and didn't want to.
Save yourself op, don't waste your precious years like I did on someone so selfish, make a life for yourself

girlmom21 · 05/12/2021 08:29

He's not your partner, is he? I'm guessing he's useless in most aspects and you just happen to live in the same house?

MrsLarry · 05/12/2021 08:31

He's taking the piss out of you. You say you've been on and off for 6 years. He doesn't see you as his partner at all, he's not committed to you. You deserve much better than this. Get rid.

Beachgirl33 · 05/12/2021 08:32

The worst bit of this post is he has somehow managed to convince you that this is A OK and it’s you that’s “being clingy”!

As others have said. He is going to these events as a single guy and see what the night brings. He is showing you zero respect. He sounds awful Flowers

Dguu6u · 05/12/2021 08:33

He probably takes his other family!

HoppingPavlova · 05/12/2021 08:34

He is living the life of a single person, not a partner. I can understand going somewhere by himself occasionally if you can’t make it due to work/other commitments, only one can go as no babysitting options or for an overseas wedding if an immediate family member where finances are tight. These are isolated things though, not the status quo.

Faevern · 05/12/2021 08:35

[quote dreamdoll123]@dotsandco where did I say it was weird? People really do put words in your mouth when you don't agree with their way of thinking, how strange!

Again, have I struck a nerve or something?
DP and I are very young, we still live separate lives and don't need to blend our friends together so they invite the other person. We don't actually know anyone that does that at our age but okay lol. I will do me thank you[/quote]
So your situation is not comparable is it?
So you kind of missed the point okay lol.

MrzClaus · 05/12/2021 08:39

Have you met his friends OP?

I have some people coming to our wedding where we haven't invited their partners ~ we've either not met them / not been together long enough, or in one case they're off and on all the time and when we did wedding invites were off, got back on and moaned about it, now back off 😂 when you say "on and off" do you mean with drama / issues? I don't mean to be rude, but the on / off couple we didn't invite are very drama centred, they've broken up at other people's events over non issues and it really changes the tone. Not suggesting from your OP this applies to you, just wondering if it's similar at all!

Also are you definitely being invited to these parties / weddings and he is saying you can't go, or are you not being invited in the first place? If you're not being invited the issue could be how he's portrayed your relationship to friends!

dreamdoll123 · 05/12/2021 08:41

@Faevern other than us being young (and the OP hasn't even stated their ages:/) there's literally no difference so yes it's very much comparable. You can check my previous responses to other posters. Not sure if you were trying to be funny there either

GrandmasCat · 05/12/2021 08:42

I wouldn’t be trying to force him to take him, I would be trying to finally force my way out of a relationship he doesn’t consider valuable enough to bring you along with his friends after 2 kids (actually… even after a year of dating!)

The on and off nature of this relationship is not going to change, the only way it will change is to “off” when he finds a woman he is keeping his options open for.

Don’t put yourself and your kids through this, it is far less painful in the long run to end a bad relationship than hanging there just in case it becomes good (it won’t, after years together and two kids, there’s no benefit for him in it changing, he is having his cake and eating it… and very possibly having further desserts on the side)

lottiegarbanzo · 05/12/2021 08:44

Whaat? So he's basically a single man, with a babymamma he stays with but doesn't like or respect all that much.

DicklessWonder · 05/12/2021 08:45

When you posted in August about the same issue you didn’t live together and both of you had had flings with other people over the years.

You’re 25 (?) with your whole life ahead of you. Why are you putting up with this?!

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/12/2021 08:45

He sees you as an option, good enough for now. Waiting for something better to come along. He would be very proud of being with you if he considered you his life partner.

@dreamdoll123
Not comparable. Come back in 15 years when you have a couple of kids under your belt and read this again.

DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 05/12/2021 08:46

Why have you had ‘off’ times over the 6 years?

HaveringWavering · 05/12/2021 08:46

@dreamdoll123

The comments are so interesting to me. Why does he have to bring you along? I don't take DP to anything and vice versa unless the invite is for both of us. I definitely wouldn't be pushing for him to get an invite if he wasn't invited
These are weddings and the like. Of course OP is invited!
Restart10 · 05/12/2021 08:49

@lunar1

I can't even get past the part where your relationship is on an off for 6 years with two children. Never mind the rest.

That's an incredibly unstable way for them to grow up.

Exactly this. I can't even understand how this is something you ponder over when the whole setup is so dysfunctional.
DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 05/12/2021 08:49

Oh I see, you keep breaking up, both having flings and getting back together. What’s the point? Must be really unsettling for your children.

HaveringWavering · 05/12/2021 08:50

Is he telling people that you chose to stay at home to look after the kids?

You do realise that when you receive an invitation it is YOUR choice whether or not to go, not his? Regardless of whether he happens to be invited to the same event.

He sounds like a twat though, you should ditch him and find someone who wants to be with you in public.

imonlyhooman · 05/12/2021 08:52

He doesn't want to advertise that he's in a relationship with you and he's embarrassed for some reason. That was my first thought as one of my very good friends who has been married 32 years never ever goes anywhere with her husband due to being embarrassed by him and his behaviour. Could this be it?

Jibberjabberhutt · 05/12/2021 08:53

@katyalexandra

Also just to add he went to a wedding last night and hasn’t even bothered to come home yet or even text me to tell me he’s not coming home.
This is awful. He’s showing huge disrespect to you and your children, whatever he’s done that’s caused him to stay out all night.
dreamdoll123 · 05/12/2021 08:53

@Mummyoflittledragon

He sees you as an option, good enough for now. Waiting for something better to come along. He would be very proud of being with you if he considered you his life partner.

@dreamdoll123
Not comparable. Come back in 15 years when you have a couple of kids under your belt and read this again.

Patronising much? Point me to where the OP stated her ageHmmI've said we're young. That can literally range from 18-30 but ok!
PlasticPlantsDontDie · 05/12/2021 08:54

dreamdoll123

What would you do if your DP became unhappy with the setup and asked to be included in your outings with your groups of friends where other couples were the norm?

girlmom21 · 05/12/2021 08:55

@dreamdoll123 I'm 26 with two kids and think if you're at that stage of life you don't really refer to yourself as 'young' or truly believe that yours and your partners social lives should be entwined at all

Justcashnosweets · 05/12/2021 08:57

Get the locks changed before he gets home. What an arsehole.

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