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Original poster

Partner goes to all events without me

266 replies

katyalexandra · 05/12/2021 06:41

Bit of background, we’ve been on and off for 6 years, 2 kids together and live together. He has a large group of friends but every single party/wedding etc he will go without me and he says I’m being unreasonable to want to go. Am I just being too clingy? I’ll add that all his friends partners go with them and a few of his friends are also single so it’s not like he’s the only one there without a partner (even though he has one he chooses not to take).

OP posts:
SameToo · 05/12/2021 12:01

Children are very resilient. My daughter was 4 when I left her father. The first night she stayed at his age was a bit confused I wasn’t going to be there but then was totally fine. Think more of if you want your daughters thinking it’s ok for a man to treat them like shit. These early years are when they learn about behaviours in relationships. Also surely they’d stay with him sometimes so you wouldn’t have them 24/7?

Welcometothejingles · 05/12/2021 12:05

If he stays out app night then he's obviously sleeping somewhere so his accommodation isn't your issue to solve.

Your children are used to their dad not being around and having a social life that doesn't include them. He chooses to socialise as a single man, he doesn't take his kids out and introduce them to people.

He leaves you to bring them up alone as a single parent anyway, he just comes home for his tea and laundry. You are a strong woman because you've been doing it by yourself for a long time, you just need to make it official. By staying with this man, your children will grow upto think that this dysfunctional arrangement is normal.

Tittyfilarious81 · 05/12/2021 12:10

@katyalexandra have you asked him why he never takes you to these events it's very odd behavior

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 05/12/2021 12:11

Where he decides to stay/live isnt your issue really.

Id say you need to sort robust childcare amd start living like he isnt there whilst he still is. That way you know you can do it and when he leaves, its no change.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 05/12/2021 12:13

@CluelessAt50

Do they know you exist? My ex never took me to work or friends' parties or functions. I found out years later that our 3 kids & I were a big secret, unlike the string of girlfriends who attended everything with him. He did work away from home though which made it far easier for him to live a double life. Me being a naive, trusting fool helped a lot too.
Are you me? That was my situation too. Which made it far easier for him to cheat on me because no one he worked with actually knew he was married.
Hollywolly1 · 05/12/2021 12:14

Well tell him to go back to where he slept last night

Welcometothejingles · 05/12/2021 12:15

Do the online freedom programme to help you set firm boundaries in place and to recognise dysfunctional behaviour.

Marvellousmadness · 05/12/2021 12:16

It would be more cruel for the kids to stay with your current partner, then it would be to leave.

You say you come from a broken home and don't want that for yourself but now your kids gonna be from a dysfunctional home!

A broken home is just an unfortunate wording. Separating in this situation is the best and mentally healthiest solution. For you AND the kids . If you are going to let your kids grow up with this man as their dad, theyare gonna think it is normal to have a man treating you this way and it will be likely for them (later in life) to find themselves in the exact same spot as you are now.

It's not healthy op . your "relationship " isn't healthy. Get out. And help yourself

Marvellousmadness · 05/12/2021 12:17

If you come home at 4 you stayed at a club
If you come home at 8 you stayed at someone's house op..

Open your eyes please

EmmasMum12 · 05/12/2021 12:19

You are showing your kids that it's okay to put up with being treated like shit.

Limer · 05/12/2021 12:21

@katyalexandra

Please be gentle with me cause I feel very fragile right now lol. I come from a broken family so never wanted that for my own. I know deep down I deserve better but I ‘stay for the kids’. We don’t argue around them and it’s only at times like this we have issues. I guess I’m just very weak as I don’t really want to be a single mum
But you've been "on and off" for your entire relationship. You've already been a single mum during the "off" times.
Original poster
katyalexandra · 05/12/2021 12:21

@Marvellousmadness he did stay at someone’s house, they all did. Had an ‘after party’ after the wedding which has just made me even more livid lol

OP posts:
BananaBlue · 05/12/2021 12:25

Is he young? Not that it’s an excuse but I’m wondering if he settled down before his mates.

An on/off relationship is dead anyway, but I would read this as him not liking/enjoying me or my presence; I’m good enough for the slog but not the fun times.

Doesn’t sound as if there’s a relationship to end really.

girlmom21 · 05/12/2021 12:27

@katyalexandra

Okay I think we all know I need to leave. But how am I now supposed to leave.. how do I tell our 5 and 2 year old daughters that daddy isn’t going to there when they wake up.. how do I tell him to leave the house when he’s got no where to go.. how do I now deal with having the children solely 24/7 on my own which means I won’t be able to do anything for myself.. Sad
But he's not there anyway, so what difference would it make?

He can stay wherever he stayed last night.

How much time do you get to yourself at the moment?

Original poster
katyalexandra · 05/12/2021 12:29

@BananaBlue we are young I guess, both 25. And yes most of his friends don’t have children and the ones that do, aren’t still with the children’s mum

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 05/12/2021 12:35

@katyalexandra

Oh my gosh didn’t expect all these replies. I know who his friends are and am actually ‘friends’ with some of their partners so I would know if he was entertaining someone else. No I wasn’t on the invitation it was for him only. Ahhh I don’t know what to do
You do know what to do.

You have no value to him except as a housekeeper/nanny/provider of sex

Find your self-respect and get rid.

What is your housing situation?
Clearly you're not married so that may have an impact. Please tell us it's not his house?

(And why do people who are in really shit situations put LOL on the end of a post?)

FortunesFave · 05/12/2021 12:37

@katyalexandra

Okay I think we all know I need to leave. But how am I now supposed to leave.. how do I tell our 5 and 2 year old daughters that daddy isn’t going to there when they wake up.. how do I tell him to leave the house when he’s got no where to go.. how do I now deal with having the children solely 24/7 on my own which means I won’t be able to do anything for myself.. Sad
You wouldn't have them solely...he'd have to have his access times. Usual is every other weekend combined with a night or two in the week.

Or 50/50.

His lack of housing isn't your problem. The children will be fine...they're young. Better that than them seeing your relationship as what makes a normal one! It's not!

Original poster
katyalexandra · 05/12/2021 12:41

@Nanny0gg maybe to try and make the situation not feel as bad as it actually is.. lol…

It’s my house, I bought it myself so all in my own name Smile

OP posts:
Welcometothejingles · 05/12/2021 12:46

It seems like both of you settled down too young and didn't experience life the way other people in their 20s do and now he's got itchy feet.

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2021 12:53

[quote katyalexandra]@Nanny0gg maybe to try and make the situation not feel as bad as it actually is.. lol…

It’s my house, I bought it myself so all in my own name Smile[/quote]
Excellent.

No reason to put up with this crap then, is there?

rainbowstardrops · 05/12/2021 12:57

He goes to all events without you and then rocks up at 8am without a word?
Fuck no!

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 05/12/2021 12:57

It’s my house, I bought it myself so all in my own name

Fab. So it can be OFF all the time then and you don't have to put up with this anymore Grin

TheCreamCaker · 05/12/2021 12:58

You've been on and off for 6 years? How old are your children? He hasn't been home all night? If that were my man, he wouldn't be getting his foot back in the door.

Does your bloke often stay out all night without letting you know where he is etc? Sorry, but he's playing you like a fiddle.

hugr · 05/12/2021 13:06

how do I tell our 5 and 2 year old daughters that daddy isn’t going to there when they wake up.

The same as you did this morning?

samesign · 05/12/2021 13:06

What does he say when you'd like to go too?
It's very selfish of him to live his life as a single man while expecting you to stay at home waiting for him.
You have your own home so no need to stress about your living arrangements, he can crash at one of party pads which would suit him better. The kids are young and will adapt without him living with you, if he has any decency he will still want some custody of the children so can have some time to yourself also.

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