Fallen out with daughter’s ex-friend’s mother. Need a wider opinion.
Foodie321 · 03/12/2021 08:02
My 14 year old daughter was friends with a girl from primary school until they fell out earlier this year. I’m relieved as she was of the same age and getting drunk, engaging in risky sexual behaviour ruling her parents whilst trying to do the same with my daughter. The friend had given my daughter a coat last year that not longer fit her or even that she wanted so my daughter accepted. Now over 6 months later the family want the coat back. Personally I don’t have a problem with handing the coat back but we had paid £100 pounds for a concert ticket that they refused to hand over to us and instead took another friend. I have therefore asked for the £100 in return for the coat. The mother is refusing by saying that they took my daughter on holiday and that they will keep the £100 as a contribution. They had asked if my daughter could go on holiday to Wales for a week with them so we reluctantly accepted knowing that it wasn’t anywhere like Aya Napa! Friend’s mother mentioned they would do water sports so I placed £100 in an envelope as a contribution towards water sports, however they did not accept the money at the time and told my daughter to keep the money. No water sports were done and the week’s holiday was cut short by 3 days due to the friend’s demands to come home. I’m now a full-time student at university, they are not short of a bob or two but I appreciate that it isn’t the point. I’m just upset that they think they can rob me know months later and decide what money goes to whom as it suits them. It feels like they are taking revenge on us for ending the friendship. Should I forget about the money and just return the coat???
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
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Foodie321 · 03/12/2021 18:05
The friend left my daughter’s school after they fell out as she was losing friends left, right and centre. She really thought she would be happier at another school but rumour has it, she isn’t! We knew that would happen as they’re not getting to the root cause of all their toxicity. As it stands, there are differing opinions on here. Thank you so much for the replies, some have really made me chuckle amongst the confusion of I what should do.
Foodie321 · 03/12/2021 18:09
Wow! Similar story!
Foodie321 · 03/12/2021 18:19
The £100 that was meant for the water-sports was returned to me. The girls didn’t spend it. But the friends mother is saying she is not returning the £100 for the concert ticket as she is using the £100 that she didn’t take months ago as a contribution towards the holiday.
Foodie321 · 03/12/2021 18:22
Eeer….no I don’t love drama as otherwise I wouldn’t posting on here for advice would I?? It is also a question of principle as others have also said.
unname · 03/12/2021 18:32
It sounds like she’s just looking for ways to continue contacting you.
I don’t think it’s wrong to donate the coat and just block her.
Foodie321 · 03/12/2021 18:41
Well I’ve decided to send the damn coat back, take photos and send it recorded delivery in a couple of days time. Not without telling her exactly what I think in a message and then I will block all contact. My daughter hasn’t worn the coat or caused any provocation. I will explain to my daughter that we’re not walkovers but that we’re going to be the better people here and move on, also for my daughter’s safety in case she bumps into these toxic people again.
unname · 03/12/2021 18:45
Sounds like the best solution
unname · 03/12/2021 18:46
Just wondering if she charged the other girl for your ticket?!
HippoRaine · 03/12/2021 18:54
Send the coat back
Put a poo in it though
Foodie321 · 03/12/2021 19:01
Wouldn’t surprise me!
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/12/2021 19:01
I think you did the right thing OP.
I don't think its being a walk over either. You are starving their drama of oxygen, and making it easier for your daughter to move on.
And I don't think your daughter would want to wear it anymore and it could cause problems if she's seen out and about it in. Also she does as pp said have to carry on at school with this person. They want you to retaliate and you are not playing their game.
gersteddybears · 03/12/2021 19:11
I wld def send it back with a cheeky comment. I wld be raging though about it.
I'd probably say: We were never asked for any money re the holiday. I'm also certain that my daughter did not cost you £100 either. You did not return the concert ticket that I actually did pay £100 for. However clearly you must need this coat a lot more than we do.
That might really piss her off especially if she's well off 😂
Youdoyoutoday · 03/12/2021 19:41
Sew some prawns in to lining and hand it back!!
But seriously, just hand it back, block and forget them!
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 03/12/2021 19:43
Send it without enough postage. She will have to pay to collect it.
BessieBlue · 03/12/2021 20:53
If she wants it why can she come and get it, why are you having to pay postage/recorded delivery?
ElephantOfRisk · 03/12/2021 21:21
Instead of posting it back, I'd just send a polite message saying you'll be in at x time on y day if they'd like to pop by and collect the coat. I bet you don't see them.
Theunamedcat · 03/12/2021 22:05
Tell them to send you a return label and packaging be generous and give her the weight and dimensions
EsmeSusanOgg · 03/12/2021 22:20
If you're going to give it back, have her arrange to collect it at her cost.
Derbee · 04/12/2021 01:51
Sorry, but I think it’s venturing into walkover/doormat territory to be paying to return the coat recorded delivery.
Fair enough if you want to be the bigger person and return the coat, but it shouldn’t cost you anything to do so.
Selttan · 04/12/2021 01:59
I wouldn't be returning the coat. I'd just block them. A gift is a gift!
They aren't going to take you to court and if they did they'd get nowhere for demanding a gift be returned.
The concert ticket however - you could threaten them with small claims for that
Pipsquiggle · 04/12/2021 08:39
Glad you've come to a plan - it's sensible.
For your own sanity you need to reframe 'she owes you £100.'
Don't misunderstand me, she is a complete CF and she should have refunded you the moment your DD wasn't going to the concert, however, they did take your DD on a holiday for a few days. They didn't accept payment for that which was actually pretty generous of them. Just see it as that £100 was used for that holiday not the concert tickets.
I am glad your DD doesn't see this girl at school.
IMO you are well rid of this family - they sound like a nightmare. This is not being a walkover, it's about picking your battles, and let's be honest, they don't sound like they're worth it
Foodie321 · 04/12/2021 08:50
Thank you. Great advice!
AppleJane · 04/12/2021 10:47
If you don't mind me asking @Foodie321 are you a single parent? They sound like a bunch of bullies.
Please make sure you photograph the coat and I like the suggestion of giving them a time and date to collect but have an adult witness around if you go down that road.
BonnesVacances · 04/12/2021 11:19
Not to split hairs, but the £100 was for the watersports that they didn't do. That's why the other mum gave the money back.
I'm a stubborn mule so I wouldn't give the coat back. If I was going to, I'd write an account balance and show that they are now in debt to you and leave it in the pocket.
-£100 for watersports
£100 returned for watersports not undertaken
-£100 for concert ticket not used
HumourReplacementTherapy · 04/12/2021 11:26
Oh god not a bloody chance I'd return it! Make some good out of a toxic situation and give it to charity. I'd even make sure I took it one who notifies you how much it sold for then forward the notification & tell the toxic mother what a good deed she'd done
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