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Fallen out with daughter’s ex-friend’s mother. Need a wider opinion.
283

Foodie321 · 03/12/2021 08:02

My 14 year old daughter was friends with a girl from primary school until they fell out earlier this year. I’m relieved as she was of the same age and getting drunk, engaging in risky sexual behaviour ruling her parents whilst trying to do the same with my daughter. The friend had given my daughter a coat last year that not longer fit her or even that she wanted so my daughter accepted. Now over 6 months later the family want the coat back. Personally I don’t have a problem with handing the coat back but we had paid £100 pounds for a concert ticket that they refused to hand over to us and instead took another friend. I have therefore asked for the £100 in return for the coat. The mother is refusing by saying that they took my daughter on holiday and that they will keep the £100 as a contribution. They had asked if my daughter could go on holiday to Wales for a week with them so we reluctantly accepted knowing that it wasn’t anywhere like Aya Napa! Friend’s mother mentioned they would do water sports so I placed £100 in an envelope as a contribution towards water sports, however they did not accept the money at the time and told my daughter to keep the money. No water sports were done and the week’s holiday was cut short by 3 days due to the friend’s demands to come home. I’m now a full-time student at university, they are not short of a bob or two but I appreciate that it isn’t the point. I’m just upset that they think they can rob me know months later and decide what money goes to whom as it suits them. It feels like they are taking revenge on us for ending the friendship. Should I forget about the money and just return the coat???

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 03/12/2021 13:34

The mums are starting to sound like teenagers here . OP be the bigger person , return the coat , say goodbye to the 100 quid and let it be an expensive lesson in cutting contact with idiots . Neither you nor your daughter need these people in your life a second longer.

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knobblykneesandturnedouttoes · 03/12/2021 13:41

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

The mums are starting to sound like teenagers here . OP be the bigger person , return the coat , say goodbye to the 100 quid and let it be an expensive lesson in cutting contact with idiots . Neither you nor your daughter need these people in your life a second longer.

They have stolen the ticket money and now want a gifted coat back. If someone broke into your home, stole £100, but left their coat behind, would you give it back? I doubt it.
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HoseMeDownWithHolyWater · 03/12/2021 13:48

I'm usually one for just moving on but they can't decide to keep your money and demand a gift back.

I'd just completely stop engaging with them.

Fuck. That. Shit.

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Lovemusic33 · 03/12/2021 13:57

She’s threatening to take you to court for a coat?

Just block her. You don’t need to have any contact with this women if your dd is no longer friends with your dd. She’s being petty. Cut your losses on the £100 ticket and don’t contact her again.

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Skysblue · 03/12/2021 13:59

They’re trying to get your attention and cause you stress. Obviously a mad and horrible family with a horrible kid.

Give the coat back, block and ignore. And watch out fir bullying of your daughter by theirs if they’re at the same school, that would be a classic next step in a situation like this.

Ps I don’t get if the £100 was for a concert ticket or holiday watersports but it doesn’t matter, you gave them money and won’t get it back.

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maddening · 03/12/2021 14:15

Tell her if she goes to court for the coat, you will counter for the ticket money, for which there is more chance of finding against her, than a coat that was gifted at the time, then block her.

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NoEffingWay · 03/12/2021 14:21

Just return the coat and forget the money. It's long gone and it's not worth your effort.
It sounds like you are better off out of the 'friendship'.

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whitehorsesdonotlie · 03/12/2021 14:32

Send the coat back but first stitch 'you are a cheeky fucker' on the back in pink thread....

Not really. Just send it back.

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Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday · 03/12/2021 14:36

[quote AdobeWanKenobi]@Bagamoyo1

What’s an op shop?

It's a charity shop. I believe it's an Australian phrase.[/quote]
Yes it is. Short for opportunity shop.

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KaptainKaveman · 03/12/2021 14:36

OP you really don't need to give the coat back. I would just apologise profusely and say your dd outgrew it so you gave it to charity.

They sound awful, but if that woman thinks she has a leg to stand on legally then she is barking bonkers.

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Platax · 03/12/2021 14:42

Give the coat back. Sew a sardine into the hem

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godmum56 · 03/12/2021 14:45

pragmatically I'd either just dump the coat back on them or if you feel you HAVE to do something then give it to a charity shop. Every time you see it it will revive the toxicity and honestly given how batshit the woman and presumably daughter are, I don't think it would be safe for daughter to wear it. Either way you won't see the money again.

I am old. I have learned to pick my battles but when I do its a hill for someone else to die on. In this case I would be concerned for my daughter's safety and if it does escalate, the moral high ground is a good place to be.....so yeah dump coat back and block.

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UniversalAunt · 03/12/2021 14:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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tearinghairout · 03/12/2021 14:55

In your shoes I would hate to feel like this woman has got the upper hand, but I agree with the pp about picking your battles. If you return the coat, you can cut them out of your life and leave them behind. What kind of person takes money for a ticket then takes someone else? If you don't put an end to this, it will fester. So end it.

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PriamFarrl · 03/12/2021 14:59

I am here to find out what the coat is made from that makes it so special they want it even if it doesn't fit.

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NewlyGranny · 03/12/2021 15:08

Is it a nice coat?

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diddl · 03/12/2021 15:08

I would mentally write off the £100 as payment for the few days away that your daughter had.

I'd also return the coat purely because surely it isn't wanted any more?

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BreadBreadBread · 03/12/2021 15:11

Agree with a lot of others that I'd just give them back the stupid coat and be done with it. Could not be arsed at all with getting into any sort of altercation with anyone at all for the sake of a coat or £100 that I wasn't missing until they asked for the coat back.

I'd be handing it over and blocking her and probably telling her that's what I'm doing.

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LittleGwyneth · 03/12/2021 15:19

Just give the coat back and end the dialogue.

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GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 03/12/2021 15:19

Return the coat and be down with it. However I doubt that will be the end of it. Next thing they will be charging you for the holiday.. you can put a line in the sand now, send the coat back and block. Anything further they can whistle

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GatoradeMeBitch · 03/12/2021 15:23

This is one of those "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" things. In this case "Do you want to be right or do you want to be done with that toxic family?"

There's every chance you'd win at small claims court, but do you want to give it that much of your time and energy?

Hand the coat back. And be careful to not accidentally snip a few strategic threads...

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Anjo2011 · 03/12/2021 15:27

Sounds toxic. Give the coat back , who wants it anyway if the ex friend is such a horror. Swallow the fact they owe you £100 and be free of their shit.

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AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 03/12/2021 15:35

I would return the coat -- I absolutely wouldn't want something with all that malice attached to it in the place where I live, and I definitely wouldn't want it being worn by my daughter. If the coat was already outgrown it will be of no use to them anyway, which is a plus.

I am definitely regrettable, though: I would keep it for a week or so in a sealed bag with a few drops of patchouli oil before I returned it. That smell is very all-overish, and it lingers.

Something like a kipper in the lining is obvious and deliberate, but some people do like patchouli, and who's to say your daughter didn't get embraced by someone who does while she was wearing the coat?

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NumberTheory · 03/12/2021 15:37

Is the drama likely to end if you return the coat or will they just find something else to go on about?

I think cutting ties as much as possible would be most beneficial. But I wouldn’t bother returning if they’ll just move on to something else - I’d just ignore all messages and not respond. Your DD probably couldn’t take the coat to school or anywhere this other girl is likely to be, though, so it’s not really a victory either way, it’s just a way to indicate you won’t be rolling over at every demand and hopefully keep them focused on the coat rather than other things.

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WhenSepEnds · 03/12/2021 15:41

@WomanStanleyWoman

Burn the coat and dump the ashes on their front lawn.

GrinGrin
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