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Fallen out with daughter’s ex-friend’s mother. Need a wider opinion.
283

Foodie321 · 03/12/2021 08:02

My 14 year old daughter was friends with a girl from primary school until they fell out earlier this year. I’m relieved as she was of the same age and getting drunk, engaging in risky sexual behaviour ruling her parents whilst trying to do the same with my daughter. The friend had given my daughter a coat last year that not longer fit her or even that she wanted so my daughter accepted. Now over 6 months later the family want the coat back. Personally I don’t have a problem with handing the coat back but we had paid £100 pounds for a concert ticket that they refused to hand over to us and instead took another friend. I have therefore asked for the £100 in return for the coat. The mother is refusing by saying that they took my daughter on holiday and that they will keep the £100 as a contribution. They had asked if my daughter could go on holiday to Wales for a week with them so we reluctantly accepted knowing that it wasn’t anywhere like Aya Napa! Friend’s mother mentioned they would do water sports so I placed £100 in an envelope as a contribution towards water sports, however they did not accept the money at the time and told my daughter to keep the money. No water sports were done and the week’s holiday was cut short by 3 days due to the friend’s demands to come home. I’m now a full-time student at university, they are not short of a bob or two but I appreciate that it isn’t the point. I’m just upset that they think they can rob me know months later and decide what money goes to whom as it suits them. It feels like they are taking revenge on us for ending the friendship. Should I forget about the money and just return the coat???

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Allusernamesalreadyused · 03/12/2021 11:47

Gosh they are sad. I was allabiut giving the cost back but you know what? No. Don't give in to nasty bullies. That's not a good lesson for your daughter. I like the charity shop idea. Or just completely block and ignore. Good luck. If its taking up head's pace for you still in a week then dump coat on doorstep. Do that for You not themFlowers

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PersonaNonGarter · 03/12/2021 11:50

You aren’t a walkover - you don’t need the coat.

Return it and block.

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LookItsMeAgain · 03/12/2021 11:52

Depending on whether your daughter still fits into the coat or not (actually I'd still do this and then get my daughter another coat/jacket that has absolutely nothing whatever to do with these CFers) I'd donate the coat to a charity shop or better yet to a women's shelter so that someone else can get the wear and benefit of it.

If CFers contact you again, I'd say that you have looked for the coat and then realised that you did a big clearout in the past few weeks and you no longer have the coat as you donated it to charity, and if she wants it, she'll have to buy it back!

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Pippa12 · 03/12/2021 11:57

I would honestly just return the coat and be done with it. I’d say absolutely nothing but with a face like Hmm

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mellicauli · 03/12/2021 11:58

Keep the coat. Send a text back saying the coat was a gift and therefore legally owned by your daughter. Then block them and do not engage any further

Reframe the £100 you lost as the money you spent to get your daughter away from a bad influence.

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tanstaafl · 03/12/2021 11:59

Should I forget about the money and just return the coat???

No and Yes.

I think they’re still smarting that your DD doesn’t want to be friends and the coat is a further symbol to them that your ‘winning’ in this situation.

The £100 is a different matter.

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yikesanotherbooboo · 03/12/2021 12:04

Return the coat
If you want to pursue the £100 you can but I wouldn't .

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RobertsRadio · 03/12/2021 12:10

Keep the coat and if she mentions legal action again, tell her you will see her in court. She has no chance, the coat was a gift whereas taking your money for tickets and then not handing the tickets over could be construed as theft or fraud and You could threaten her with the small claims court. The reason I wouldn't hand over the coat is that I don't like being a walkover for bullies, liars and cheats and she is all three. She can fuck right off.

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ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/12/2021 12:17

It's hugely petty and annoying but yeah, life's too short for this shit, so just return the coat.

In fairness, you had offered them £100 for the holiday which they refused; so the £100 for the ticket can be said to be for that instead and you can clear your mind of that debt in any way. You no longer owe them a thing for the holiday or the coat; and they're out of your life forever, with a bit of luck.

Reframe it all as money well spent to get the pathetic arses off your back.

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KerryWeaver · 03/12/2021 12:25

Give the coat back. A cheap price to pay to be rid of them.

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ForPingsSake · 03/12/2021 12:29

While I agree that you shouldn't have to, I would return the coat. Walk away and never look back. Don't give them any reason to give you grief. Be the bigger person and be glad they aren't in your lives anymore.

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Gretaburley · 03/12/2021 12:31

@DreamerSeven

I’d hand it back with an unfortunate rip somewhere obvious Grin

Me too.
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meadowbleu · 03/12/2021 12:32

There's £100 on a ticket they refused to hand over and there's an unwanted coat that was gifted. There's also their side of the story, whatever that might be.

So on the face of it, you should keep the coat and they should return £100, but honestly, there's the path of rights and there's doing what's going to be best for you and your DD in the long run. I don't see that as rolling over, I see it as the wisest course to put a stop to this aggro, take the wind out of their sails and be done with them all, so I'd return the coat with proof it was undamaged, write off the £100 and think no more about them.

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Theunamedcat · 03/12/2021 12:32

Put fine glitter in the pockets then return it

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Theunamedcat · 03/12/2021 12:33

Or maybe not but hell I would want to

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limitedperiodonly · 03/12/2021 12:37

I need to see a picture of the coat.

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AutumnSquill · 03/12/2021 13:04

I think the suggestion to give it back and make sure she checks it there and then is probably the safest way to go, though many of the other suggestions are very tempting.

I'm saying this because I did jury service many years ago on a case that seemed to boil down to two teenage boys falling out with each other, and one accusing the other of trying to steal his £500 jacket. It was complete and utter nonsense and after the accuser's story was all over the place, and his girlfriend's story flatly contradicted his, we were instructed that we had to declare the verdict as not guilty. We were all amazed that it got that far, but it did and must have been horrible for the boy who was accused.

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ElephantOfRisk · 03/12/2021 13:08

I'd mainly be concerned about why this has come up now and if there is stuff going on in the background at school.

Sounds like this girl might be stirring it. Does your DD wear the coat to school, will this girl start bullying her about it being a cast off?

I'm like you, it would stick in my craw to give the coat back without the £100 but appreciate that the majority (and probably sensible) view is just to give it to them and draw a line. I'd be tempted to rub it in dog shit or something but honestly it would probably backfire.

If you've got the guts for it then Judge Rinder is probably exactly the place for this. I'd give back the coat and then take them to small claims/judge Rinder for the ticket money.

Was it an expensive coat?

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MsSquiz · 03/12/2021 13:11

I'm petty and wouldn't return the coat. I would love to see her take legal action to return a gifted coat!

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ElephantOfRisk · 03/12/2021 13:11

Did the other Mum actually know that the coat had been given away? It sounds like something my DS would do, give away something expensive without asking. That said, it's not that we don't give things away but I'd be annoyed if he gave an expensive thing away without my knowledge.

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2bazookas · 03/12/2021 13:13

Just give them the OLD SECONDHAND COAT and walk away. (who GAF? DD will outgrow it like theirs did).

Now about the Missing £100.

Stop seeing it as a loss, instead count it as money well spent. Look what you gained; a very valuable life lesson that has the immense advantage of long-term protection for your daughter's health, safety and emotional well being. Therapists could charge thousands for that kind of realisation.. You got a bargain! Cheap price to separate and save your DD from the gutter problems she could have been dragged into.

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gettingolderandgrumpy · 03/12/2021 13:15

@Foodie321

Thank you all for your replies. Most are saying to return the coat. It is dysfunctional and toxic, I agree. That’s why I posted as it doesn’t sit well with me, but at the same time I hate to be a walkover!

Return the coat let them think whatever they want, do you honestly need this hassle?
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BessieBlue · 03/12/2021 13:20

Tell her as far as you were concerned the coat was a gift and now belongs to your daughter but if she really wants it back so much she can have it.

Tell her she can come and pick it up and a time convenient for you.

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Branleuse · 03/12/2021 13:20

They dont deserve the coat back, but i would give it back anyway just so they can fuck off and stop with their drama

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BoredZelda · 03/12/2021 13:31

I started with “give it back”

But actually, I’d block them and keep the coat. Fuck em. I’d love to see the court case about that one.

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