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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be absolutely furious at friend

567 replies

JustLyra · 02/12/2021 00:37

Four of us in a friend group.

We all do nice birthday presents for each other, and have done for 10+ years.

One of the group is having a tough time and is in the middle of moving house so we decide to do a small gift and a voucher so that it’s easier with our move.
Two of us also made clear we felt a voucher was a better option atm because friend is going to have to lot a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly the other agreed. They offered to take the money and sort the voucher and a nice card.

They then decided, without any discussion, that there was “too big a risk” our friend would buy practical and boring stuff and not treat themselves.

So they’ve bought a fucking Costa Coffee voucher. Basically so they can only buy coffees and cakes.

Aibu to think that that’s completely out of order, and a shit present

OP posts:
cstaff · 12/12/2021 14:27

Ah op that is really quite sad, that she would risk a good friendship for 50 quid. I hope that you do manage to make it up. Not sure i would trust her with money again mind you.

BertramLacey · 12/12/2021 14:33

She thought we were thick enough (and shit friends to the birthday friend) that she’d get away with it.

Yes. That combination of lying, taking you for mugs, and offloading what she knew was a crap present onto a friend who was having a hard time is not really something you can come back from. Sorry OP.

Skeumorph · 12/12/2021 14:38

Oh jeez that’s bad.

I would have difficulty continuing the friendship, how utterly shit though, ruined whatever you decide :(

fourandnomore · 12/12/2021 14:41

That is such an underhand thing to do, especially to your friend in difficult circumstances I could never look at her in the same way again, such a sad thing. I’m sorry but very glad your friend will get the right gift.

Madamum18 · 12/12/2021 15:10

£80 is a lot of money , must be nice to be so privileged that it isn't earth shattering in the least...

Actually I am not. My point is just that either this is world shattering enough to end a friendship or it isn't|! Only the OP can decide. But there is no point going on and on about it or wasting energy carrying on being furious. Its done. Friend has apologised. She is trying to rectify her error..

Wouldnt life be easier of we were all perfect, never cocked up, made a mistake, made a misjudgement!!!!!

You're late to the party @Madamum18**

And? I don't get on here that often while trying to keep my head above water!! Or is that too "priveleged"!!!!

rookiemere · 12/12/2021 15:20

That's actually really sad that she was prepared to lose her friendship group in order to make a £50 profit/get rid of a voucher she didn't want.

Stath · 12/12/2021 15:23

@Madamum18

£80 is a lot of money , must be nice to be so privileged that it isn't earth shattering in the least...

Actually I am not. My point is just that either this is world shattering enough to end a friendship or it isn't|! Only the OP can decide. But there is no point going on and on about it or wasting energy carrying on being furious. Its done. Friend has apologised. She is trying to rectify her error..

Wouldnt life be easier of we were all perfect, never cocked up, made a mistake, made a misjudgement!!!!!

You're late to the party @Madamum18**

And? I don't get on here that often while trying to keep my head above water!! Or is that too "priveleged"!!!!

…no, it’s just bad mannered.

There’s a facility to highlight all the OP’s posts and just reading them will give you full insight into what has been going on. Why don’t you try that?

Madamum18 · 12/12/2021 15:33

Hmm Confused

Read 'em all, still think the same. Stopping now, hardly worth arguing endlessly on this either.

KTheGrey · 12/12/2021 15:49

Gosh. But she fessed up and didn't double down. I think I would forgive her because I would think it was funny. I have terrible boundaries though.

Flowers500 · 12/12/2021 15:53

@KTheGrey

Gosh. But she fessed up and didn't double down. I think I would forgive her because I would think it was funny. I have terrible boundaries though.
She fessed up because she was caught out and confronted with the evidence.

What is really terrible here is the fact she's well enough off to not miss the money, but was planning to shit all over the birthday of a friend who is struggling and really needs any financial support she can get. That's just horrible.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 12/12/2021 15:56

@Madamum18

Hmm Confused

Read 'em all, still think the same. Stopping now, hardly worth arguing endlessly on this either.

Me too. I think it's a huge drama over a small thing and could have been handled much better. She's a friend of many years who did a daft thing, she's hardly an axe murderer. She's put it right, now move on.
Madamum18 · 12/12/2021 16:09

50shades Smile

BronwenFrideswide · 12/12/2021 16:15

Interesting how people consider pocketing £50.00 of your friends money is merely a small and daft thing. In my book theft and dishonesty are not a combination I look for or expect in a friendship.

Flowers500 · 12/12/2021 16:23

@BronwenFrideswide

Interesting how people consider pocketing £50.00 of your friends money is merely a small and daft thing. In my book theft and dishonesty are not a combination I look for or expect in a friendship.
I completely agree, I can't believe the standards some people except from friends. Worst of all is that she did this to a friend who she knew needed the money far more than she did. She's a terrible person and did a really shit thing to someone who was meant to be a friend.
billy1966 · 12/12/2021 16:51

@BronwenFrideswide

Interesting how people consider pocketing £50.00 of your friends money is merely a small and daft thing. In my book theft and dishonesty are not a combination I look for or expect in a friendship.
It really is.

The meanness of doing it when the gift was for someone struggling.

She thought it was a shit gift voucher and her first thought was to use it to pull a fast one on her friends?

I can't think of single person I know that would do this to their friends.

She has certainly shown that she would do over her friends, even one that was struggling.

So shabby.

I would find it hard to look her in the eye.

3luckystars · 12/12/2021 17:01

Awful carry on. At least you know now and can cut her off. What a sly thing to do to you all.

Thanks for updating us. Al the best x

WeAreTheHeroes · 12/12/2021 17:16

Stealing from your friends is hardly a small thing. A person who thinks that behaviour is acceptable is no friend.

Madamum18 · 12/12/2021 17:20

I'm not dismissing the behaviour! I'm saying that a decision needs to be made about the friendship now. She made a mistake. She has apologised and is trying to rectify it and make amends. So either accept and move on OR tell her it's the end of friendship!

She made a mistake but then don't we all! Yup, bad choice but still not world shattering

Skeumorph · 12/12/2021 17:20

Good god the comments here are eye opening too!!

No it’s not funny, or a small thing.

It’s really not.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 12/12/2021 17:25

@Madamum18

I'm not dismissing the behaviour! I'm saying that a decision needs to be made about the friendship now. She made a mistake. She has apologised and is trying to rectify it and make amends. So either accept and move on OR tell her it's the end of friendship!

She made a mistake but then don't we all! Yup, bad choice but still not world shattering

Ah but then there would be no drah-ma and we all know it's not a real thread without the big D.
Gooseysgirl · 12/12/2021 17:26

Just read update and WOW!! That's an awful thing to do - what a CF! I couldn't imagine one of my own friends doing this. It's pretty much stealing 🤷🏻‍♀️

BronwenFrideswide · 12/12/2021 17:26

@Madamum18

I'm not dismissing the behaviour! I'm saying that a decision needs to be made about the friendship now. She made a mistake. She has apologised and is trying to rectify it and make amends. So either accept and move on OR tell her it's the end of friendship!

She made a mistake but then don't we all! Yup, bad choice but still not world shattering

Again, you do realise that this friend was pocketing at least £50 of her other friends money? That's not what I would call a mistake. It's theft. Stealing from your friends is the lowest of the low to say nothing of the 'gift' she was trying to pass off on the other friend.
DreamerSeven · 12/12/2021 17:27

I’m sorry OP. I think for me it would be the fact she chose to improve her own position at the expense of the wishes of the group and the needs of the birthday girl that would gall me the most. The lying is a pretty close second though.

Madamum18 · 12/12/2021 18:05

Again, you do realise that this friend was pocketing at least £50 of her other friends money? That's not what I would call a mistake. It's theft. Stealing from your friends is the lowest of the low to say nothing of the 'gift' she was trying to pass off on the other friend

Yes I DO realise that believe it or not!

So as I said, make a decision about the friendship now! Either accept it has happened, tell her what you think, accept the apology/amends or drop the friendship ...and then move on! In the great scheme of things it just is not world shattering. It either shatters the friendship or it doesn't, that is in the hands of the OP!!

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 12/12/2021 18:15

[quote JustLyra]@GertietheGherkin I’ve made my feelings known. The other person who chipped in is away atm, but I’ve said that I feel the voucher we agreed on (which can be used in any shop in the shopping centre where we live so could be used in a coffee shop if friend wanted, or could be used where she usually gets her nails done, or equally could be used for essentials if it’s needed) should be bought by the friend. That’s what our money was given for.

The reply was “Then what would I do with an £80 Costa voucher?”[/quote]
£80??? I havent read the thread yet bit £80 on costa voucher? I'd be fxxxing furious. I'd be expecting him to send a begging letter to the store saying he bought ik n error and.it should have been £10 with the remainder a gift for someone struggling. I'd be totally expecting the.to sort it .. however and whatever they needed to do. Beg beg again and beg some more. That is an absolute ludicrous present if it's what he did.
Now will try RTFT

Omg

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