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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be absolutely furious at friend

567 replies

JustLyra · 02/12/2021 00:37

Four of us in a friend group.

We all do nice birthday presents for each other, and have done for 10+ years.

One of the group is having a tough time and is in the middle of moving house so we decide to do a small gift and a voucher so that it’s easier with our move.
Two of us also made clear we felt a voucher was a better option atm because friend is going to have to lot a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly the other agreed. They offered to take the money and sort the voucher and a nice card.

They then decided, without any discussion, that there was “too big a risk” our friend would buy practical and boring stuff and not treat themselves.

So they’ve bought a fucking Costa Coffee voucher. Basically so they can only buy coffees and cakes.

Aibu to think that that’s completely out of order, and a shit present

OP posts:
Original poster
JustLyra · 08/12/2021 19:36

@LizzieW1969

If she is genuinely as upset as she’s coming across to you (you know your friend, we don’t), then it’s possible that she’s decided to fork out for the new voucher at her own expense. She knows she messed up and her friends are angry about it, so she may well be afraid of losing the friendship.

Either way, if she produces the voucher that you agreed on, the ins and outs don’t really matter. If she’s a good friend otherwise, then personally I would move on from this now.

I’m hoping that she has realised.

She has only communicated by text so tone is difficult.

I’m going with benefit of the doubt for now and will see what happens.

OP posts:
50ShadesOfCatholic · 08/12/2021 19:41

Oh definitely go with benefit of doubt. Nothing to be gained from being suspicious especially after such a long friendship

BertramLacey · 08/12/2021 19:46

Either way, if she produces the voucher that you agreed on, the ins and outs don’t really matter. If she’s a good friend otherwise, then personally I would move on from this now.

Yes, this. I wouldn't forget completely, in case she was taking you for a mug. But it sounds like she messed up, maybe she has money problems, and now she's genuinely sorry. I'd move on.

NumberTheory · 08/12/2021 22:39

But didn’t take you up on mil offer

So therefore she did t go and buy an £80 voucher

She may just not have the receipt. I almost never keep them, especially for something that's non-refundable anyway.

PlanktonsComputerWife · 08/12/2021 22:53

I daresay she's lost the receipt and is absorbing the loss herself.

I think she probably had a brainwave and overestimated your friend's love of cake? I hate cake and cannot begin to understand what possessed her, but I am also shit at buying gifts (mostly I buy people stuff I like, forgetting I'm a total fucking weirdo Grin), so please do continue to give her the benefit of the doubt. I doubt a friend of such long standing would try to pull a fast one.

Original poster
JustLyra · 09/12/2021 01:56

Losing the receipt would be slightly odd as we specifically discussed keeping the receipt in case of lockdown happening again, and we ruled out another voucher option because of expiry dates and their refusal to extend expiry dates after lockdown last time.

So it’s odd. But I’m guessing she’s just embarrassed

OP posts:
3luckystars · 09/12/2021 06:41

You are guessing wrong, she tried to pull a stunt and got caught.
Forgiving is always the way to go, I’m glad you got it sorted and spoke up.

crochetmonkey74 · 09/12/2021 07:44

Yeah benefit of the doubt as even if she has tried to do something a bit sneaky, she is absorbing it and sorting it out. Maybe she was just at a bit of a low ebb. This has probably been enough to give her a jolt

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/12/2021 10:11

@NumberTheory

But didn’t take you up on mil offer

So therefore she did t go and buy an £80 voucher

She may just not have the receipt. I almost never keep them, especially for something that's non-refundable anyway.

But could prove with a online bank statement etx
MargotMoon · 09/12/2021 18:52

@JustLyra

Losing the receipt would be slightly odd as we specifically discussed keeping the receipt in case of lockdown happening again, and we ruled out another voucher option because of expiry dates and their refusal to extend expiry dates after lockdown last time.

So it’s odd. But I’m guessing she’s just embarrassed

Hope it gets sorted with no embarrassment and no falling out. And that your friend likes her treat gift card, and doesn't see it as 'controlling' or 'odd' (such a Mumsnet word!) but in the lovely spirit with which it was intended.

MargotMoon · 09/12/2021 18:53

Ha! I just realised you used 'odd' twice in your post Blush

Madamum18 · 10/12/2021 18:09

I think its a daft storm in a tea cup to be honest! Maybe cups of coffee would be nice for your friend who is moving. And it is hardly world shattering!

WeAreTheHeroes · 10/12/2021 20:15

Yeah right, £80 worth of a storm in a teaccup. You don't spend someone else's money on something you haven't agreed to buy when you've already said what you are going to buy.

Madamum18 · 10/12/2021 20:46

You don't spend someone else's money on something you haven't agreed to buy when you've already said what you are going to buy.

I agree! But its happened! And it still doesnt seem worth this level of hoo ha. Sit down, discuss it, move on . We all make mistakes, friend has realised it was a mistake and apologised. So move on

WeAreTheHeroes · 10/12/2021 21:19

You're late to the party @Madamum18.

TractorAndHeadphones · 10/12/2021 21:59

@Madamum18

I think its a daft storm in a tea cup to be honest! Maybe cups of coffee would be nice for your friend who is moving. And it is hardly world shattering!
£80 is a lot of money , must be nice to be so privileged that it isn't earth shattering in the least...
Original poster
JustLyra · 10/12/2021 22:01

@Madamum18

I think its a daft storm in a tea cup to be honest! Maybe cups of coffee would be nice for your friend who is moving. And it is hardly world shattering!
Given her current circumstances to present her with £80 in Costa vouchers would be a slap in the face.
OP posts:
ddl1 · 10/12/2021 22:06

I think its a daft storm in a tea cup to be honest!

Spending 80 pounds of other people's money on something that they didn't agree to, and which the friend is unlikely to enjoy, is more than a 'daft storm in a teacup'. Especially where there are obviously things that the friend needs much more.

ImustLearn2Cook · 11/12/2021 04:42

@JustLyra I’m glad your friend is going to get the gift you had all intended. I agree with you to give your other friend the benefit of the doubt this time. And if she was trying to take advantage in some way, after this response from you and friend then I don’t think she’ll try it again Smile

Pawprintpaper · 11/12/2021 07:34

Just wondering if she has Costa loyalty points herself that she’s either cashing in or picking up on buying the voucher.

Glad you’re getting it sorted OP you sound like a good friend (and diplomatic)

mowglika · 11/12/2021 09:45

Sounds like your friend had taken advantage of the Costa offer to save/pocket some money and the receipt would reflect that. Or bought the voucher on eBay for a discount or some such..

Anyway glad it’s sorted now OP

Original poster
JustLyra · 12/12/2021 12:06

So, all of you who were suspicious were actually correct.

Holiday friend discovered, purely by accident, that our friend happened to get a £50 Costa voucher very, very recently. She saw our friend last night and joked about her house having so much valuable Costa voucher around and the guilty look rather said it all. She asked her very directly and it was admitted.

I’m not going to get ridiculously dramatic on this thread and I likely won’t be back to it much, if at all. I just wanted to let those who guessed know that their instincts were spot on.

But it’s very sad that a long friendship has been completely tainted (probably ruined for me as I already struggle to trust people) because of someone being greedy.

Especially someone who is in a very comfortable position so that amount of money isn’t even much.

OP posts:
NynaeveSedai · 12/12/2021 12:08

Wow
So she used the £50 she already had, put in £25/30 herself and pocketed your contributions?
Unbelievable

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/12/2021 12:20

So she stole from the 3 of you your cash and used a voucher she was given

Wow

But we kinda guessed that

I’m sorry @JustLyra

LookItsMeAgain · 12/12/2021 12:30

That's now a whole other level of CFkery to be honest.

I'm so sorry @JustLyra. The thing is, at least you know and you can decide how to move on from this having the full picture and all of the information.