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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be absolutely furious at friend

567 replies

JustLyra · 02/12/2021 00:37

Four of us in a friend group.

We all do nice birthday presents for each other, and have done for 10+ years.

One of the group is having a tough time and is in the middle of moving house so we decide to do a small gift and a voucher so that it’s easier with our move.
Two of us also made clear we felt a voucher was a better option atm because friend is going to have to lot a house from top to bottom rather unexpectedly the other agreed. They offered to take the money and sort the voucher and a nice card.

They then decided, without any discussion, that there was “too big a risk” our friend would buy practical and boring stuff and not treat themselves.

So they’ve bought a fucking Costa Coffee voucher. Basically so they can only buy coffees and cakes.

Aibu to think that that’s completely out of order, and a shit present

OP posts:
FlowerFlour · 12/12/2021 12:31

Wow, that is really bad. I was all for giving her the benefit of the doubt that she had a brain fart and bought the Costa voucher in a moment of madness, but she actually just wanted to offload an unwanted voucher and keep your money.

I'd struggle to forgive that too. What a betrayal of trust.

AngelonTopoftheTree · 12/12/2021 12:31

I'm so sorry that your friend did that to you, it's despicable! I wonder what her thinking was? But it's sad that it has likely ruined your friendship, as you can't trust her anymore.

BronwenFrideswide · 12/12/2021 12:32

@NynaeveSedai

Wow So she used the £50 she already had, put in £25/30 herself and pocketed your contributions? Unbelievable
Oh hell, and she found the £50 Costa voucher of no use to her, didn't want it, thought it was a crap gift and then tried to promote it to you as an absolutely wonderful present for your other friend. Two faced and very untrustworthy. I am sure your friendship will be forever tainted and ruined by this but that's all the responsibility of your thieving friend.
R0tational · 12/12/2021 12:33

I hope you can bring the friendship back and forgive her after everything has settled.

BronwenFrideswide · 12/12/2021 12:35

I too am sorry for you @JustLyra it's a real blow when we find out things like this about people whom we thought were a friend.Flowers

50ShadesOfCatholic · 12/12/2021 12:40

I don't understand. She had a £50 Costa voucher and she bought a £30 to go with it? Is that right? And she came out with this story to the other friend?

It sounds extraordinarily strange.

Why did she have a £50 Costa voucher?

And if so, did she explain why she thought it would be even better to make it £80?

Are.you sure that the "holiday friend" has the story straight?

Lavender24 · 12/12/2021 12:43

YANBU. That is an absolutely wanky gift.

BatshitBanshee · 12/12/2021 12:50

In ordinary circumstances, it's a shit gift but I'd forgive the misjudgement. But to do that to a friend who (it sounds like) has been going through a spectacularly bad time? Completely unforgivable.

BlusteringBoobies · 12/12/2021 12:54

@50ShadesOfCatholic

I don't understand. She had a £50 Costa voucher and she bought a £30 to go with it? Is that right? And she came out with this story to the other friend?

It sounds extraordinarily strange.

Why did she have a £50 Costa voucher?

And if so, did she explain why she thought it would be even better to make it £80?

Are.you sure that the "holiday friend" has the story straight?

I read it as the total 'pool' for present was, say, £90. OP says they brought a small token gift, again say £10 leaving £80 for the voucher

All three agreed the remaining £80 would be spent on a voucher.

The gift buyer already had a £50 Costa voucher from somewhere so pocketed the rest of the present money and just spent £30 to top it up.

So gift friend got rid of her voucher for £50 and is £50 up from where she was if she'd have purchased the originally agreed voucher

Very greedy indeed!

ddl1 · 12/12/2021 12:54

That's really awful behaviour on her part: basically thieving, and making it worse by her hypocritical smugness and controllingness about wanting to make sure that the friend chooses 'treats'. I wouldn't trust her again!

Bellafrenum · 12/12/2021 12:54

I would struggle to forgive that.

Her friendship with 3 women was worth a sum total of £80.

Original poster
JustLyra · 12/12/2021 12:58

@50ShadesOfCatholic

I don't understand. She had a £50 Costa voucher and she bought a £30 to go with it? Is that right? And she came out with this story to the other friend?

It sounds extraordinarily strange.

Why did she have a £50 Costa voucher?

And if so, did she explain why she thought it would be even better to make it £80?

Are.you sure that the "holiday friend" has the story straight?

She had the voucher from a raffle.

She was meant to spend £80 on the voucher we wanted.

Instead she topped up the voucher she already had and pocketed the money.

She had to make it £80 or we’d have known straight away. She thought we were thick enough (and shit friends to the birthday friend) that she’d get away with it.

OP posts:
PlanktonsComputerWife · 12/12/2021 13:05

Well, I am sorry, OP. I wouldn't have anything more to do with a liar and a thief.

PlanktonsComputerWife · 12/12/2021 13:15

It would have been so easy for her to buy the correct voucher, then make an extra gift of this Costa voucher to your friend ("it cost me nothing, but maybe you can stop and have a treat during all you are going through atm xxx")

Instead, she scammed you all.

It's horrific.

billy1966 · 12/12/2021 13:19

Wow!

So unbelievably shabby.

I would be mortified for her cheapness, sneakiness, and dishonesty.

I don't do drama in friendships but there is no way I would trust her as a person.

How to lose 3 friends for £50.

Hard to believe it actually.

BronwenFrideswide · 12/12/2021 13:20

@PlanktonsComputerWife

It would have been so easy for her to buy the correct voucher, then make an extra gift of this Costa voucher to your friend ("it cost me nothing, but maybe you can stop and have a treat during all you are going through atm xxx")

Instead, she scammed you all.

It's horrific.

It really is I can't see there is any coming back from this and all for what to pocket £50 of her friends money. Unbelievable.
Wexone · 12/12/2021 13:21

wow am so sorry that you have found out this. this is bad form. I don't think your friendship will recover from this. I feel for you

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 12/12/2021 13:22

Gosh, what did your friend say to her when she admitted it?

I'm afraid it would end the friendship for me, you simply can't trust her.

Beautiful3 · 12/12/2021 13:23

Wow your friend cannot be trusted! What a selfish,greedy and conniving individual. I'd push her away, and bother far less with her, in future.

NynaeveSedai · 12/12/2021 13:24

And there was an extra £5 promotion that weekend so she probably only spent £25

billy1966 · 12/12/2021 13:24

@PlanktonsComputerWife

Well, I am sorry, OP. I wouldn't have anything more to do with a liar and a thief.
I think this IS very dramatic, but I agree completely.

I couldn't look at someone the same again.

What's really worse is she is comfortably off and yet would do that to a struggling friend.

So murky.

But better to know.

She showed her core.

Sorry OP, you must be so shocked and disappointed.
Awful when someone you care about really disappoints you.Flowers

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/12/2021 13:54

Ah, that so shit OPSad. She has indeed tainted the friendship.

orangeautumnleaves · 12/12/2021 13:56

I would struggle to trust her again. Sorry for you and your friend OP. It's horrible when true colours shine through and they are a bit murky.

Flowers500 · 12/12/2021 14:12

WOW. I'm so sorry. I think the worst thing is that this is all her friendship was worth to her, a 50 quid voucher when she didn't even need the money. She tried to fuck over you and holiday friend, and she literally considers birthday girl that useless that she should be happy with her unwanted leftovers. Disgusting behaviour and I would struggle to ever deal with her again.

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 12/12/2021 14:21

@Flowers500

WOW. I'm so sorry. I think the worst thing is that this is all her friendship was worth to her, a 50 quid voucher when she didn't even need the money. She tried to fuck over you and holiday friend, and she literally considers birthday girl that useless that she should be happy with her unwanted leftovers. Disgusting behaviour and I would struggle to ever deal with her again.
@Flowers500 says it better than I can!

@JustLyra I’m sorry your ‘friend’ is a CF. I don’t know quite why but this has pissed me off sooo much! And no, I’d not be speaking to her again after she’s returned your money