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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Part boarding school isn't good for kids

272 replies

Aquamarinestar · 30/11/2021 21:06

My friend suggested I put my kids into a part boarding school (it's like a boarding school but they finish at 8-9 pm] and just go home to sleep. What are your views on this? Is it just as "cruel" as boarding school?

OP posts:
qualitygirl · 30/11/2021 21:07

I did it for my last two years of school...didn't do me any harm...had school on Saturday too.

Solasum · 30/11/2021 21:08

I have never heard of this and it sounds really awful.what would be the advantage of going home just to sleep, rather than having quality time with friends if boarding, or family if not?

Whatinthelord · 30/11/2021 21:08

I think it sounds awful.
I can’t imagine any adult wanting have be out all evening and only return home at bedtime to sleep. Why would a child want to do that.

Runforthehillocks · 30/11/2021 21:08

What is your friend's reasoning behind this?

CoalCraft · 30/11/2021 21:08

Hmm, I could see it's usefulness if the parents work late hours - basically just extended childcare in that case - but otherwise it seems a bit odd.

Why has your friend suggested it?

Weznn · 30/11/2021 21:09

What time do they have to wake up?!

underneaththeash · 30/11/2021 21:10

What age?

Original poster
Aquamarinestar · 30/11/2021 21:10

7 and 10

OP posts:
Clymene · 30/11/2021 21:11

Just get a nanny

Original poster
Aquamarinestar · 30/11/2021 21:11

REason is childcare basically

OP posts:
Weznn · 30/11/2021 21:11

Are you finishing work late? Why are you thinking of this?

Original poster
Aquamarinestar · 30/11/2021 21:12

We both finish work around 6

OP posts:
Northstar1234 · 30/11/2021 21:13

My children go to private school and their school day is 8 - 6 most days. They aren’t studying for this time they are having a fabulous time with their friends and doing lots of amazing clubs that I never would have had the opportunity to do as a kid. They can stay later and have supper with friends if they want. The old idea of boarding school being cruel is out of date. My children regularly beg me to board (yes they have a very happy home life with lots of love) but at school they have friends which is always so much more fun. Our school is warm, full of cuddles, kindness and opportunity. If you need childcare for work how is a childminder/ after sch club any better?

qualitygirl · 30/11/2021 21:14

it's called "day boarding" over here not part boarding (don't know if it's the same in the U.K.) I wouldn't do it at that age though OP . I was 16-18 when I did it.

Original poster
Aquamarinestar · 30/11/2021 21:15

Why not @qualitygirl

OP posts:
ChequerBoard · 30/11/2021 21:16

Very unusual for boarding for any kind to be available for primary age.

At my DCs secondary this kind of arrangement is called flexi boarding. The kids arrive in time for breakfast with the weekly and full boarders and stay for dinner and prep in the evenings before going home at a pre-arranged time, usually about 8pm.

It works well for some, not that different to weekly boarding really.

Both my DC were/are weekly boarders. It's worked well for us a family.

qualitygirl · 30/11/2021 21:17

I would find it too long of a day I suppose but now that I think about it more they would probably enjoy it if it's not all study and they get to have fun in a mess hall as such or play sports.

Whatinthelord · 30/11/2021 21:17

@Aquamarinestar

7 and 10
Would your 7 year old not be shattered if they did t get home until after 9. You’d still need to do bath and bedtime so surely the wouldn’t be in bed until 9-10.
spottedleopard · 30/11/2021 21:19

My dc boards two nights a week and has a great time, I think it would be fine depending on what they do after school.

Our school finishes at 4:30 for all, nearly everyone stays until 5:30 anyway for prep or clubs and then anyone staying later then does another club, has dinner, then leaves.

The dc are sat with other class friends who are still there until 8pm pick up time for day boarders so no real big issues imo most dc enjoy being with their friends.

As for cruelty. It would be very cruel to send a dc that doesn't want to or doesn't enjoy it. I'd just send them in for a day and ask them for feedback. I emailed our school saying I wouldn't commit to anything until I knew my dc was happy. For us it's worked out but my dc doesn't go everyday. Not sure they would be ok doing it everyday but there are dc that do.

I needed it to be able to work so I don't feel bad really. If I want to work I have to have childcare and finding a pt nanny in my area is near impossible. My dc is 8. I will say though that they'd have fallen asleep by 8pm when they were 7 though. We started age 8.5yo.

Original poster
Aquamarinestar · 30/11/2021 21:23

@spottedleopard where do your dc go

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 30/11/2021 21:27

I wouldn’t at 7. Mine were in bed for 7pm at that age. I think weekly boarding or a nanny would be preferable to that.

spottedleopard · 30/11/2021 21:29

An independent boarding school in U.K., are you looking to also move schools, I thought your dc were already at the school and you were considering using day boarding? There are a number of schools in the U.K. that offer this though. I looked at a few as I knew I'd be needing it.

I would not do boarding immediately if moving schools as well at this age though.
It takes time to settle into a school imo and once the dc are settled and happy then they can enjoy the extended time with their already solid friendship groups.

Original poster
Aquamarinestar · 30/11/2021 21:30

Are there any state boarding schools?

OP posts:
Clymene · 30/11/2021 21:31

8-9pm is way too late for a 7 year old. If you'd like free evenings, just board them full time. Then at least they'd get a good nights sleep as well as being perfectly clear where they sit within your priorities

likepeddlesonabeach · 30/11/2021 21:35

My kid’s school does weekly boarding for primary age. My own two DS11 and DS9 don’t board and they won’t, because I’m lucky enough to work from home and I want them home in the evenings for family time but they both frequently beg me to let them flexi board one or two days a week because their friends have so much fun in the evenings (most do 2 or 3 days). Before we joined this school I’d have been horrified by the thought of primary aged kids boarding (both my parents boarded young and have horrible stories) but the reality is very different than I’d imaged and if I struggled for childcare or had other commitments I would absolutely consider it now. I think it could be hard for some children but for independent, sociable kids I think it can work really well.