Page 5 | Part boarding school isn't good for kids

Aquamarinestar · 2021-11-30T21:06:12+00:00

My friend suggested I put my kids into a part boarding school (it's like a boarding school but they finish at 8-9 pm] and just go home to sleep. What are your views on this? Is it just as "cruel" as boarding school?

julieca · 01/12/2021 05:51

Boarding at 4! I am shocked that is an option in Britain. I know it is a tiny number of kids, but poor chidren.

Kanaloa · 01/12/2021 05:57

For me it’s no good to have a child at school from early morning until 9pm. It’s too long a day, there’s little to no opportunity for relaxing downtime in their own home environment, and it would mean constant late nights. So I would be out for those reasons.

timeisnotaline · 01/12/2021 06:37

Theyd just be so tired. And when would they get the time to just be, in their safe space when kids let it all out? I’d worry about the development impacts, not having the chance to play on their own time and just work out what they wanted to do instead of constant influence from a wider group.

PinkSyCo · 01/12/2021 06:44

I think it would be less stressful for the child if they fully boarded rather than the poor buggers be yanked outside, when they’re tired, and rushed home to be put to bed. What is the point of that?

Fairylights25 · 01/12/2021 06:59

Much too tiring. Flexi boarding might be a better option?

DeepaBeesKit · 01/12/2021 08:28

Wanting to be the main carer is nice, but it takes some minimum level of time. Denying kids the opportunity to bond with a regular carer while you are working most of their waking hours is about the parent, not the good of the child.

This.

DeepaBeesKit · 01/12/2021 08:36

How would you, as a child psychologist, define raising a child "properly?"

Isnt it quite well known that children need to form secure attachments with a small number of adults who have a key role in their care and whom they can trust to meet their physical and emotional needs?

No one is saying that has to be ONLY mum and dad, but I think it's quite common knowledge that adding in a nanny/childminder/grandparent or two fulfills this need, a busy boarding house master responsible for 30 other children probably doesn't. In a boarding school the care needs of a child are split between so many different people they don't really form strong bonds to any one them, which is why boarding for primary age children at least is not usually considered the optimal choice for the child. The exception being where the negatives of other scenarios outweigh the downsides of boarding (eg for children from forces families who need a stable school environment, or children in care or with very specific needs).

Overthinkingx3 · 01/12/2021 09:02

There’s lots of assumptions here !
It all depends on exact timings … seriously doubt that kids if 7 are being kept up till 9. I imagine it is a sliding scale with the 7 year olds finishing at 6 ( same as any other private nursery)

Having a grandparent might be wonderful - but also not possible . Nannies and childminders are too variable for my personal liking … that’s why we have choice !

spottedleopard · 01/12/2021 09:30

@DeepaBeesKit problem is people like me don't have any family to help and nanny's come and go too. Childminders are useless generally when you have a full on career as they close up around the same time most people would be leaving their jobs. I for one am grateful the option is still available and can only hope my dc is happy for the decisions we made, plenty of dc are unhappy with a nanny or a childminder too.

So many people struggle to afford to live as life is so expensive now, me going to work will buffer my dc from having to pay for a car or a house deposit or university fees. I hope this outweighs their two nights a week at school. If my dc didn't attend their school I have no doubt they would find it stressful in a class of 30+ so again, something I've thought about. Many dc don't cope with the large numbers in state schools but are forced to do so. My working allows for a choice I wouldn't otherwise have. All this 'mothers give up your careers' isn't always that wise.

Of course there are exceptions and on mn there's always the mum who had nothing and yet all 5 of their dc ended up at Oxbridge, but the thing is when you're a middle earner (or are married to one), you are entitled to absolutely nothing for help, no child benefit no free childcare your dc have the least help financially at university, so you have to work. And you do. You have to earn enough to keep up the mortgage/rent or keep up the car to get to work. So you work and you have to find the childcare to enable this.

And if you have a job like me that won't allow you to go pt you either go for being broke or work ft.

Overthinkingx3 · 01/12/2021 14:21

Exactly the point I was making !
A paid nanny / childminder who lasts a year or two is less stable than a part boarding environment where they have their friends and interests amd still get a couple of free hours every night with parents , stress free and also - the full weekend too . The number of families who spend the entire weekend a helping from football coaching to dance to swimming, with younger siblings having to tag along … that’s completely gone wjen the kids get it all Monday to Friday at school. It’s a much happier balanced weekend

Really resent the black white perspectives here

Bloomsburyreader · 01/12/2021 16:07

Sorry I haven't had a chance to read all of your very many replies.

My DC (11 and 9) were at a lovely village primary and finished school at 3.15. We had a Childmindee collect them Ans they came home and did what little homework they got set, watched tv then I got home around 6.16 and took them to clubs. It was exhausting for me but I thought I was doing the best by them.

We moved this summer and they are a term in to being in a prep school that finishes at 5, has optional clubs for everyone till 6 and you can have them stay to supper till 6.45 and then they have the option of flexi boarding.
My DC think they have died and gone to heaven. They are loving all the sport and hanging out with their friends. They beg to let them board at least once a week. They ask why we didn't send them to such a school leading up to now. They say the childminder was nice but its waaaay more fun being at school. And I know they do tons more 'home'work as well.

A shy less confident child might not love this set up but you know your own DC and if you think it would suit them ignore the naysayers and go for it.

Bloomsburyreader · 01/12/2021 16:09

Sorry I realise a nanny is what we had, not a childminder as she came to our house, not vice versa. She did cook dinner for the whole family though which I do miss!

Overthinkingx3 · 01/12/2021 16:40

Exactly ! My shy skinny girl got stronger , put on weight, has more relaxing time as less travel and rush to clubs, more homework and friends social time, less tech and phone distractions , and stopped being as anxious about stuff that happens when social media and texting rears heads on phones …

It’s a huge success
But nanny’s often do some food and housework which really helps
It also gives parents permission to book a late night home .
School does not

I am team school all the way

MarshaBradyo · 01/12/2021 16:44

Sounds odd

A child that young up so late at school, then just to go home

Where does this?

DaisyNGO · 01/12/2021 17:31

@Bloomsburyreader

Sorry I haven't had a chance to read all of your very many replies.

My DC (11 and 9) were at a lovely village primary and finished school at 3.15. We had a Childmindee collect them Ans they came home and did what little homework they got set, watched tv then I got home around 6.16 and took them to clubs. It was exhausting for me but I thought I was doing the best by them.

We moved this summer and they are a term in to being in a prep school that finishes at 5, has optional clubs for everyone till 6 and you can have them stay to supper till 6.45 and then they have the option of flexi boarding.
My DC think they have died and gone to heaven. They are loving all the sport and hanging out with their friends. They beg to let them board at least once a week. They ask why we didn't send them to such a school leading up to now. They say the childminder was nice but its waaaay more fun being at school. And I know they do tons more 'home'work as well.

A shy less confident child might not love this set up but you know your own DC and if you think it would suit them ignore the naysayers and go for it.

Are you the OP?

Original poster

Aquamarinestar · 01/12/2021 20:04

Me and oh both finish late and not always at same times. Bit concerned about posters saying it'll affect the kids and it being a bad idea.

OP posts:

nimbuscloud · 01/12/2021 21:05

Yesterday you said you both finish at 6

Original poster

Aquamarinestar · 01/12/2021 21:05

On most days but not everyday

OP posts:

Solasum · 01/12/2021 22:19

I have had a Google but can’t find any schools that offer pre-prep aged boarding. I am v intrigued; can anyone give me a name?

DaisyNGO · 01/12/2021 22:21

OP why are you even considering it? What time do the DC get home?

Kanaloa · 02/12/2021 01:49

@Overthinkingx3

Exactly the point I was making ! A paid nanny / childminder who lasts a year or two is less stable than a part boarding environment where they have their friends and interests amd still get a couple of free hours every night with parents , stress free and also - the full weekend too . The number of families who spend the entire weekend a helping from football coaching to dance to swimming, with younger siblings having to tag along … that’s completely gone wjen the kids get it all Monday to Friday at school. It’s a much happier balanced weekend

Really resent the black white perspectives here

A couple of free hours with parents? How does a child of 7 get home at 9pm after having been at school presumably since 8/9am and still have a couple of free hours in the evening?

Honestly this just doesn’t sound like a good idea at all. I’m not a massive fan of boarding but I do see how it can work for teenagers. But firstly this isn’t even boarding, it’s just being at school from early morning until 9pm, and secondly the younger child is 7. This won’t allow for a good daily routine for the child. Presumably even full time boarders are encouraged to be in bed and relaxing by 9/10pm at the age of 7.

Yourheartwillleadyouhome · 02/12/2021 02:13

www.qe.org/

Boarding says from 6 here, I believe they actually have some 5 year old overseas boarders.

Rno3gfr · 02/12/2021 02:25

I don’t really understand because I don’t come form a ‘boarding school’ background (or present). However, if you’re utilising this opportunity for childcare then I’d say it depends on the age of the child.

My mum was a lone parent (Mediocre but professional wage) and I was left with a childminder from 3:30 until 6:30pm every school night. It wasn’t uncommon (I’m early 20s now). However, I was chucked in front of the tv a lot and I was very bored waiting for my mum finish work so I could go home.

With my own child I’d definitely choose a nanny, if possible. It gives them a chance to breathe and relax in the comfort of their own home after school. Don’t underestimate how much it takes for a small child to remain ‘polite’ after so many hours in school anyway. A nanny who you’ve hired for your children is also more likely to engage with them as they don’t have other kids to look after, generally have a closer relationship to, and they can take them to extra curricular activities and so on. Your child will feel closer to this one-on-one relationship so it’s not as forced.

I think with a child over the age of 10+ they benefit from extended school/socialising but it depends on the personality of the child.

ShinyHappyPoster · 02/12/2021 02:52

6pm isn't a particularly late finish. Do you both have long commutes? Because lots of parents have similar hours and don't even consider putting DCs into boarding. Being clear on your motivation will help you make a decision.
My friend boarded for practical reasons similar to forces children. She hated everything about it. Her education suffered. Her personal and emotional development, and her relationship with her family and all her subsequent romantic relationships. Some children thrive in boarding. Some don't. But there is very little research to recommend it for children as young as your's.

Overthinkingx3 · 02/12/2021 04:27

Op
Have you been to the school and checked the mechanics , the reality ? A lot of speculation here - mine would be that the small kids don’t actually have such a late finish

Hope you find a good solution - based on the actual facts of the offer and your situation