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Original poster

Part boarding school isn't good for kids

272 replies

Aquamarinestar · 30/11/2021 21:06

My friend suggested I put my kids into a part boarding school (it's like a boarding school but they finish at 8-9 pm] and just go home to sleep. What are your views on this? Is it just as "cruel" as boarding school?

OP posts:
Lalliella · 30/11/2021 23:27

If you finish work around 6 why do you want your kids to stay at school till 9? That makes no sense. Use a childminder.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/11/2021 23:34

@ChequerBoard

Posted this to the wrong poster earlier....

I can name several [that offer primary boarding].

As I said above I live about 5 minutes from Repton, there is a pre prep that offers full boarding from 7 and potentially from 4 depending on the child and the requirements of the parents. They are the main feeder to Repton (a lot of their pupils are kids of serving forces families).

Its a thing.

DaisyNGO · 30/11/2021 23:36

So in this set up, kids are with their peers till 8/9 pm?

That's pretty awful.

If you are the type who wanted to send their DC to boarding school generally, then that's one thing.

But in this case, I don't even know what it's for. How do the childcare costs work out?

CovidFreeChristmas · 30/11/2021 23:37

There are definitely state boarding schools for juniors (age 7+) I don't think there are many (if any!) Independent or state boarding schools for younger than 7 unless exceptional circumstances.

Yummypumpkin · 30/11/2021 23:38

Can we please before indulging OP further ascertain one school in the UK which offers "boarding til 9pm".

I think this entire question is a misunderstanding.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/11/2021 23:40

@Yummypumpkin

Repton. Cant speak for any others.

As I said earlier I only know this as my friends son was there. Its basically sleeping at home (and getting SUndays at home) instead of at school and is cheaper than full boarding.

Yummypumpkin · 30/11/2021 23:50

That is very interesting! Thank you.

NowEvenBetter · 30/11/2021 23:52

Sounds great for people who don’t want to be around their kids and aren’t bothered about the psychological impact of that! I would absolutely be up for it if I were rich, hence why I’m childfree 🤣

CovidFreeChristmas · 30/11/2021 23:54

@Yummypumpkin

Can we please before indulging OP further ascertain one school in the UK which offers "boarding til 9pm".

I think this entire question is a misunderstanding.

Boarding schools that offer flexi boarding use usually open to the flexi boarders until (say 1 hr) before their year group bed time. + pre-booked overnights throughout the year.
ChequerBoard · 30/11/2021 23:56

[quote PyongyangKipperbang]@ChequerBoard

Posted this to the wrong poster earlier....

I can name several [that offer primary boarding].

As I said above I live about 5 minutes from Repton, there is a pre prep that offers full boarding from 7 and potentially from 4 depending on the child and the requirements of the parents. They are the main feeder to Repton (a lot of their pupils are kids of serving forces families).

Its a thing.[/quote]

I know it's a thing. That's why I said it's unusual, not that it's unheard of.

Yummypumpkin · 01/12/2021 00:04

Apologise to the thread. I am out of date!

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/12/2021 00:07

And my point is that it isnt unusual, there are quite a few. Most of them affiliated with the armed forces. But 4 years old ffs..... :(

I know that wasnt your point btw, but it upsets me to think about it.

spottedleopard · 01/12/2021 00:18

@Lalliella I would agree with this. OP have you thought through the other options. I did used to have a nanny but I I didn't really need them ft anymore as I wfh and finding a pt nanny was a difficult but I also have a very very social only dc who was lonely and prefers being at school for a couple of nights a week than being here with a nanny anyway. Your situation sounds like you could manage without your dc staying so late at school.

I also wouldn't want my dc to board at a state school at this age. Or even prep boarding schools that have hardly any boarders. It's not the same as having all your friends there and you being amongst your peers who are all enjoying themselves rather than being one of only a few dc staying so late or boarding.

mrwalkensir · 01/12/2021 00:28

Why on earth did you have children...

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 01/12/2021 00:29

@Aquamarinestar

We both finish work around 6
Lots of people finish work around 6pm and don't need to send their kids to boarding school.

There must be more to it than this if your friend is suggesting boarding for your 7 and 10 year olds.

Are you really struggling to find childcare? Do you live somewhere very remote? Do you both have very long commutes?

Greygreenblue · 01/12/2021 00:30

Wait I want to change my vote - I assumed we were talking about high school. Who sends their 7 and 10 year old to boarding school?! 9pm is ridiculously late for that age group. Why would you not just put them in after school care?

Justajot · 01/12/2021 00:43

I worked at a boarding school and in the evenings I was responsible for about 50 kids in a boarding house (I assume the ratio for prep schools lower). No way would I want that for my DC. I want to be able to help them with their homework and have 1:1 conversations with adults.

Boarding schools have a role to play, but engaged, available parents strike me as plan A.

Overthinkingx3 · 01/12/2021 00:55

I hope it’s not rude to say - but I think there’s some mismatch here

Is usually schools have different finish times for different ages

Our local prep, the 7 year olds finish at 6 ( same as lots of nursery / childcare settings ) but can be picked up from 5. This allows the children have a good couple of hours at home with mum or dad but not have to do homework or musoc or even dinner . Compare it with most state after school clubs which are just holding cells … play centres

The older they get, the later this time gets
It’s not one till fits all

LobsterNapkin · 01/12/2021 01:09

@Overthinkingx3

Ps I don’t think having a nanny or childminder is as good as they still have to be ferried about . They are in a lovely environment with their friends and it is normal . If you’re going to have a nanny / childminder - this is better ( and cheaper ). I don’t see the value on giving one to one care to another individual . I personally want to me my child’s main carer I see the parents in a panic wjen their Nanny is sick …and the kids who bond with their nanny more than their parents

And after prep school- you still have 2 hours of time every evening stress free with your kids just to relax amd enjoy life with them
If you can afford it - do it … there’s absolutely
No child centroc / relationship based reason not to

Wanting to be the main carer is nice, but it takes some minimum level of time. Denying kids the opportunity to bond with a regular carer while you are working most of their waking hours is about the parent, not the good of the child.
Winniemarysarah · 01/12/2021 01:13

Depends on your priorities I suppose. You could put your career aside for a few years while you focus raising your
children properly, or you can stick what’s practically a baby in boarding school to save yourself a few quid on childcare

Overthinkingx3 · 01/12/2021 01:15

Only a problem if it doesn’t suit the child to go home with parents and have 2 quality hours with them !

If the choice is between a nanny / au pair who would last a couple of years typically and then change again , and who would be ferrying kids about to activities - that doesn’t really help the child to bond with them as a carer. If they are in a school setting where they can just do all the activities without having to be ferried , with friends , and in clubs of their choice , without any travel time - they will be fresher and happier at 6pm / 7 pm wjen their parents pick them up - and can go home knowing they have been productive and are now free

This is not very different to most private nurseries or after school clubs / it’d just got a different class context . Amd offers more for their money . It’s

Winniemarysarah · 01/12/2021 01:36

@Overthinkingx3

Only a problem if it doesn’t suit the child to go home with parents and have 2 quality hours with them !

If the choice is between a nanny / au pair who would last a couple of years typically and then change again , and who would be ferrying kids about to activities - that doesn’t really help the child to bond with them as a carer. If they are in a school setting where they can just do all the activities without having to be ferried , with friends , and in clubs of their choice , without any travel time - they will be fresher and happier at 6pm / 7 pm wjen their parents pick them up - and can go home knowing they have been productive and are now free

This is not very different to most private nurseries or after school clubs / it’d just got a different class context . Amd offers more for their money . It’s

Every single thing in this post is factually incorrect from a child psychologists point of view.
Avarua · 01/12/2021 02:04

Nanny/housekeeper with you arriving home by 6:30 latest is a better bet for their long term wellbeing

steff13 · 01/12/2021 04:53

@Lalliella

If you finish work around 6 why do you want your kids to stay at school till 9? That makes no sense. Use a childminder.
This is also what I don't understand. I don't have anything against boarding, but why would they stay until 9 if you're off at 6? It seems like a nanny or just a regular babysitter would be a better option.
steff13 · 01/12/2021 04:56

@Winniemarysarah

Depends on your priorities I suppose. You could put your career aside for a few years while you focus raising your children properly, or you can stick what’s practically a baby in boarding school to save yourself a few quid on childcare
How would you, as a child psychologist, define raising a child "properly?"