Complain to School or Not

[DgfaMummy]

There are sometimes that I'm late to pick up my kids from school due to traffic and the fact that I can't leave work until my relief gets there. I always call the school to let them know I'm running late and give them a time I should be there. Since September, I estimate I was late about 7 times, each time about 30-40 minutes.

My 9yo son tells me the hall aides always complain about me to him. There are about 3 of them who will stand around him and just talk crap. They say things such as "poor kid", "your mum is always late to get you", "she always uses traffic as an excuse", and other statements. This has happened each time I was running late and it makes my son upset because they're talking bad about me.

Now, I fully accept blame for being late but things happen and I can't fly over the traffic nor can I speed and risk an accident. The times it does happen, I'm very very apologetic. I understand they want to go home, I really do and I feel bad about being late but traffic is out of my control and I can't force my supervisor to let me leave early.

I want to speak to the school about the hall aides talking about me to my son. I don't think it's their place. If there's a problem with me being late, the principal and/or teachers can request a meeting with me to speak about it. I just don't think anyone should be bad mouthing me to the kids. Follow whatever procedure that's in place to address late parents.

My husband who is their stepdad does drive to get them when he can but often times he can't go. Their bio dad will not assist when it's not "his" time with the kids.

So, aibu to want to complain to the school? Do I have a valid complaint about the hall aides or do I need to get over it? Give it to me straight! I plan on emailing them on Monday.

You need to put in place proper after school childcare seven times in just over two months is almost once a week

I agree it is completely unprofessional of them to complain about you to your son and you should complain. But I also agree that you need to sort out your childcare. Don’t they have an after school club?

7 times since September? And not 5 minutes late, but 30 - 40 minutes? Honestly, I think the school has a very valid complaint to make against you.

YABU.

It’s not the responsibility of school to supervise your child because you haven’t arranged adequate childcare.

They are not free babysitters. 7 times since September is almost once a week!

40 minutes late 7 times since September! You can't be serious about complaining to the school, surely?! 😂

You need to sort some childcare! Your job/commute is not the school's problem and when the school day ends, your children are your responsibility.

You are so out of order being late. I'd address that first.

When school finishes he is your responsibility- they must be bloody phased off that they have to hang around to babysit your son.

You cause the problem by not picking him up on time - arrange for someone else to pick him up such as a child minder or book him into an after school club.

Frequent lateness is a Safeguarding issue - it's neglect

Nope.

I think you should focus your energies on making sure this (your significant and frequent lateness collecting your children) doesn’t happen again.

Their statement that you always use traffic as an excuse has just been confirmed, here, by you. And yes, poor kids having to wait around like lemons all the time.

So you are late roughly every 9 days? And not just by 5 or 10 minutes, but at least 30 to 40 minutes late

Does that mean members of staff have to hang around waiting for you?

Why does your relief keep being late? Are they being disciplined for this?

YABU. You're causing multiple people to spend an extra 30-40 minutes at work, multiple times. It's really not fair on the school. Either there needs to be after school care or someone else needs to get them.

The hall aides shouldn't be talking about you in front of your son - however just don't be late in future and they won't have a chance too!

When you say "Hall aides" are you talking about being late to collect your child at 3pm at the end of the day or does he go to an after school club that finishes at 6?
Either way, being over half an hour late that many times is appalling. You need to arrange proper care for your child, be that a club or childminder.

When I worked at a holiday club, our policy was to call police/SS after 45 mins. 30-40 mins repeatedly is really not acceptable.

It’s not great for them to talk like that to your son, but I can hardly blame them. If you can’t reliably get to school on time, you need to organise childcare,

Sorry, that should be every 8 days.

I can count! (Usually)

You are late too often and need reliable childcare in place. That being said it is not nice for them to talk about you to your child and I would raise that as an issue.

They shouldn’t be talking about you like that to or in front of your child, I’d speak to the school about it for sure.

But defo arrange alternative pick up arrangements too

Someone has grounds for complaining here but it's not the OP

Yes, sorry, you are at fault here. 30 - 40 minutes late several times is taking advantage. You need to arrange suitable childcare or school are within their rights to class this as a safeguarding issue regarding no appropriate adult being available to collect the child.

YABVU. You cannot use the school as free childcare. You need to sort something out; your kids are not their responsibility.

And yes, you absolutely can (and should) leave work when you are supposed to.

I do feel really bad for you in this situation as it must be so stressful for you. They definitely shouldn’t be blabbing in front of your kids either. However, it’s not the school aids responsibility to look after your kids after end of school hours. You need to sort proper childcare for an hour after school, something like that.

I was a child that was always late to school for various reasons, I was also late being picked up a few times (my mum was a ft working single mum), and it mortified me.

You’re clearly doing your best so don’t be hard on yourself. I’d have a word with the school as your son shouldn’t be able to over hear these conversations. Also explain the steps you have taken to mediate the situation.

You're right that the aides shouldn't be bad mouthing you to your child but you really need to sort your childcare out. As others have said, school isn't an out of hours childcare service. You seem quite blase, but you need to get it sorted. It's unfair to multiple people, most importantly your child. Can you book them into aftercare, find a friend or family member to help or rearrange work hours/find new job?

You need to sort out proper after school collections eg. pay a childminder to collect and care for your children after school finishes.

@DgfaMummy whilst it's not professional for staff to make the comments however they are accurate and you need to pay for an after school club pdq before the school reports you to social services

They probably have their own children to collect, you are very unreasonable and entitled. Get a child minder or change jobs

Got to be a reverse. No one can be that obtuse.