Complain to School or Not

[DgfaMummy]

There are sometimes that I'm late to pick up my kids from school due to traffic and the fact that I can't leave work until my relief gets there. I always call the school to let them know I'm running late and give them a time I should be there. Since September, I estimate I was late about 7 times, each time about 30-40 minutes.

My 9yo son tells me the hall aides always complain about me to him. There are about 3 of them who will stand around him and just talk crap. They say things such as "poor kid", "your mum is always late to get you", "she always uses traffic as an excuse", and other statements. This has happened each time I was running late and it makes my son upset because they're talking bad about me.

Now, I fully accept blame for being late but things happen and I can't fly over the traffic nor can I speed and risk an accident. The times it does happen, I'm very very apologetic. I understand they want to go home, I really do and I feel bad about being late but traffic is out of my control and I can't force my supervisor to let me leave early.

I want to speak to the school about the hall aides talking about me to my son. I don't think it's their place. If there's a problem with me being late, the principal and/or teachers can request a meeting with me to speak about it. I just don't think anyone should be bad mouthing me to the kids. Follow whatever procedure that's in place to address late parents.

My husband who is their stepdad does drive to get them when he can but often times he can't go. Their bio dad will not assist when it's not "his" time with the kids.

So, aibu to want to complain to the school? Do I have a valid complaint about the hall aides or do I need to get over it? Give it to me straight! I plan on emailing them on Monday.

You are definitely in the wrong. Pick your child up, arrange an afterschool club, friend etc to pick up. You're very lucky that ss not involved yet. I bet they fill ROC forms in each time you leave him in there care for that amount of time.

Although op is massively taking the piss I would love to see that complaint.

Dear Headteacher - I have a problem with the free after school childcare, it is not up to scratch.

That’s the thing, how can you possibly complain when you’re in the wrong in the first place. It’s like going into a building and complaining that their wall is too rough for you to graffiti on.

Leaving your child to be the last one picked up is just excruciating for them. I feel really sorry for your dc watching everyone else being picked up and knowing you might not be there for another 40 minutes.
After school, staff have meetings, courses, marking and a million and one other jobs to do. Waiting for you to arrive shouldn't be one of them. At this level of frequency, I'm afraid you will be a source of great irritation for them.

Dearest Jesus
I have absolutely heard it all now!! No one can be this this thick..
Of course they are going to complain to your son. I can only imagine what they're saying behind your back. You are putting who ever has to stay behind once a week in an absolutely untenable position . What about their childcare ? You say you feel horrible , you clearly don't as you would have sorted it.
You are on here complaining about these people instead of thanking them on your hands and knees for giving up their time to look after your child .
You are a total knob!!

Have you thought that the people looking after your child might have children of their own to collect. I can’t believe you’re even considering complaining.

Usually I am incredibly sympathetic to working parents and childcare because my god I remember well the constant pressure and worry about pickups and dashing home praying for no traffic when childcare failed.
It's horrific.

However it's completely insane to think that level of lateness is ok. You are not taking full responsibility at all.full responsibility is fixing the problem.

I don't say that lightly at all, at one point I had to change roles to part time and we struggled for money. Other times I paid every penny other than food and rent to childcare for after school childminders. It's crap I do not deny it. But seriously 7 times in 2 months ?

Actually in some schools that would be raising some serious concerns. There would at the least be some watching of how well cared for the child was. Its an indicator of something wrong if the parent is constantly leaving the child behind school.

If you really want to actually take full responsibility you have to stop this and find an option which by God I know is like the Holy grail but its not an option.

Omg are you kidding?

You need to use a childminder/afterschool club.

I don't believe this but if in fact it happens to be true then you are not being a good mother at the moment.

Looks like op has buggered off. Hopefully feeling ashamed or to source childcare.

It’s not on to be that late that often but, if it was a child in my class I would just settle them down/give them jobs (and a biscuit) while I got on with my end of day stuff. If I couldn’t I know there is someone else I could call on to look after them until you got there. I would never say anything to the child because I think it’s a really shitty thing to do and if you can’t see how inappropriate it is you’re in the wrong job.
I would flag it though and engineer a meeting with you to discuss next steps for ensuring your child isn’t left unexpectedly waiting for that length of time for you to turn up. But that’s a discussion to be had with you, not the child.

I'm surprised they have let you get away with it for so long tbh

So what's the plan OP? How are you going to step up and be there for your son? Because this nonsense can't continue.

It is unprofessional of them to say it in front of your child but I don't blame them for feeling like that. Only 7 times?! 30-40 minutes?!?! And you think that's acceptable?! Imagine if every parent was that selfish...

Are you sure that the hall aides have spoken these words to your son? I have known children "quote" an adult whose word they feel carries more weight when they feel powerless to articulate their feelings. (usually the all-powerful word of mummy!) but your son could be trying to put into words the vibes he is picking up, the wretched feeling of abandonment, but does not wish to confront you for fear of further abandonment. Three adults are in the picture, who seem to be playing "pass the parcel" with ensuring his self-confidence and well-being.

What the hell is a “hall aide”?
Google not helping.
I mean, I can guess it’s a non teaching member of school staff, but not what their actual job is, 3 of them, 40 mins after school is finished.

Yes they are being unprofessional however I’d be mighty pissed off if I had been kept waiting for a parent 7 times over the last 10 weeks for 30-40 minutes each time. You need to sort out your childcare.

have you spoken to your son and really listened to him? are you sure he is not trying to tell you how he is feeling, rather than how the other adults are behaving?

Have you thought about asking to reduce your hours by 1/2 hour per day? this would give scope to employer to increase hours of your cover and give you plenty of time to collect him?

or have a childminder on retainer for this kind of issue?

if you were told it would cost you £30 each time you are late, be honest with yourself, would you be late?

just some things to think about

YANBU - they are wrong to bad-mouth you in front of your kid. Appalling also to do it in a way that is basically, "Your mum doesn't love you". You should complain about them taking out their frustration/anger on your son, ie. rather than making a complaint to the school about your lack of consideration and poor organisation.

YABU - to expect/rely on others to have to hang around waiting for you. (THEY might have their own kids to collect/feed too). You need to get this sorted out. You should make these arrangements ASAP and not complain about the cruel behaviour of the Aides towards your son until you have done so.

7 times is a lot time to work out something and yes teachers stuck behind watching him will talk! Their annoyed they can't go home!

There are 2 issues here. And they are both in the wrong.
You need to sort out childcare. Does the school run an after school club that your child could go to?
The are wrong to bad mouth you in front of child.
By all means complain to them. But you need to start on the back foot and admit your errors. Maybe ‘ask’ them to stop to stop. Rather than complain. Understand that next time you are late, they will be looking after your child.

School should make a complaint about you instead
My gosh. 30 -40 min late picking him up. Not once but like 7 times...
Thats aweful

I suspect OP has got the point and won't be back!

They probably want to get home. When I worked at a school I needed to collect my kids to and if there were parents late then I would be late! 5 mins fair enough but 30-40 mins each time is ridiculous

@DgfaMummy

There are sometimes that I'm late to pick up my kids from school due to traffic and the fact that I can't leave work until my relief gets there. I always call the school to let them know I'm running late and give them a time I should be there. Since September, I estimate I was late about 7 times, each time about 30-40 minutes.

My 9yo son tells me the hall aides always complain about me to him. There are about 3 of them who will stand around him and just talk crap. They say things such as "poor kid", "your mum is always late to get you", "she always uses traffic as an excuse", and other statements. This has happened each time I was running late and it makes my son upset because they're talking bad about me.

Now, I fully accept blame for being late but things happen and I can't fly over the traffic nor can I speed and risk an accident. The times it does happen, I'm very very apologetic. I understand they want to go home, I really do and I feel bad about being late but traffic is out of my control and I can't force my supervisor to let me leave early.

I want to speak to the school about the hall aides talking about me to my son. I don't think it's their place. If there's a problem with me being late, the principal and/or teachers can request a meeting with me to speak about it. I just don't think anyone should be bad mouthing me to the kids. Follow whatever procedure that's in place to address late parents.

My husband who is their stepdad does drive to get them when he can but often times he can't go. Their bio dad will not assist when it's not "his" time with the kids.

So, aibu to want to complain to the school? Do I have a valid complaint about the hall aides or do I need to get over it? Give it to me straight! I plan on emailing them on Monday.

I agree they shouldn't be talking badly of you infront of your son, this is unprofessional and to my mind, unkind. However I worked in a nursery for a year whilst studying and the amount of parents who were late was a joke and it was always the same people which made me feel that they thought their time was more important than my own. I had watched their child from 7am - 6pm and had every right to finish on time, not add another 30/40 mins onto my shift most days. You have to also bear in mind they will be waiting on other parents who are late too so they probably are kept back every day waiting on people who can't show up on time...