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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Complain to School or Not

299 replies

DgfaMummy · 24/11/2021 23:50

There are sometimes that I'm late to pick up my kids from school due to traffic and the fact that I can't leave work until my relief gets there. I always call the school to let them know I'm running late and give them a time I should be there. Since September, I estimate I was late about 7 times, each time about 30-40 minutes.

My 9yo son tells me the hall aides always complain about me to him. There are about 3 of them who will stand around him and just talk crap. They say things such as "poor kid", "your mum is always late to get you", "she always uses traffic as an excuse", and other statements. This has happened each time I was running late and it makes my son upset because they're talking bad about me.

Now, I fully accept blame for being late but things happen and I can't fly over the traffic nor can I speed and risk an accident. The times it does happen, I'm very very apologetic. I understand they want to go home, I really do and I feel bad about being late but traffic is out of my control and I can't force my supervisor to let me leave early.

I want to speak to the school about the hall aides talking about me to my son. I don't think it's their place. If there's a problem with me being late, the principal and/or teachers can request a meeting with me to speak about it. I just don't think anyone should be bad mouthing me to the kids. Follow whatever procedure that's in place to address late parents.

My husband who is their stepdad does drive to get them when he can but often times he can't go. Their bio dad will not assist when it's not "his" time with the kids.

So, aibu to want to complain to the school? Do I have a valid complaint about the hall aides or do I need to get over it? Give it to me straight! I plan on emailing them on Monday.

OP posts:
whatisthisinhere · 25/11/2021 19:51

And maybe your child isn't upset because of the things they say, but because you're late. I highly doubt they're saying things about you to your child Hmm

IHateCoronavirus · 25/11/2021 19:53

“Dear Boss, I have to leave at x o’clock because if I don’t it means I’m not there to collect my kids which is causing massive issues for them and me at school. Please can you have a word with my relief to ensure they are here on time as I can no longer go past my shift?”

IHateCoronavirus · 25/11/2021 19:54

You being late for your kid, makes me late for mine!

frenchfancy81 · 25/11/2021 19:54

Wow!

mybroomstick · 25/11/2021 19:58

I can't believe this is real.

Dont schools call social services if this happens over a prolonged period.

You need to either change your hours or change jobs op.

Being 30-40 minutes late 7 times in 2 months is outrageous.

FromageRay · 25/11/2021 20:00

Your son is telling you what they say as a way to deflect from what HE wants to say. He must be embarrassed that he has been left so frequently. Apologising is not taking full responsibility.

PoinsettaPrincess · 25/11/2021 20:04

You’re a cheeky fucker, pure and simple. No wonder that the school staff are making comments and are pissed off with you. I hope you do make a complaint and I truly hope you get your arse handed to you on a plate for your rudeness. An apology doesn’t make everything better when staff are having to work over their finish time to keep your child safe. They’re not you’re personal nannies, if you want one of those then pay for them, at least they wouldn’t be late for your poor child.

PoinsettaPrincess · 25/11/2021 20:06

Also, if you think you have grounds to make a complaint then email the school now, why are you waiting until Monday? 🙄

Maryjane3227 · 25/11/2021 20:08

You don't understand the law. The school have no legal responsibility for your kid outside of school hours. The responsibility is 100 percent yours. You are expecting free childcare as and when you need it and you are creating a safeguarding issue.
Because legally no one is looking after your child in those 40 minutes. Not officially. So not. It's that simple. Arrange it and pay for it if you think you need it.
But I agree no one should be venting to your child. It's not their fault.

RoomOfRequirement · 25/11/2021 20:12

YABU. Massively!

They're talking about it in a place your kid shouldn't be. That's on you.

And you are not apologetic and taking responsibility if you CONTINUE to do it. I'd have called SS by now.

quitefranklyabsurd · 25/11/2021 20:14

You’re lucky your not being charged for emergency after school club which is what would happen with us.

It’s not fair on your son tbh.

Blue565 · 25/11/2021 20:17

@DgfaMummy

There are sometimes that I'm late to pick up my kids from school due to traffic and the fact that I can't leave work until my relief gets there. I always call the school to let them know I'm running late and give them a time I should be there. Since September, I estimate I was late about 7 times, each time about 30-40 minutes.

My 9yo son tells me the hall aides always complain about me to him. There are about 3 of them who will stand around him and just talk crap. They say things such as "poor kid", "your mum is always late to get you", "she always uses traffic as an excuse", and other statements. This has happened each time I was running late and it makes my son upset because they're talking bad about me.

Now, I fully accept blame for being late but things happen and I can't fly over the traffic nor can I speed and risk an accident. The times it does happen, I'm very very apologetic. I understand they want to go home, I really do and I feel bad about being late but traffic is out of my control and I can't force my supervisor to let me leave early.

I want to speak to the school about the hall aides talking about me to my son. I don't think it's their place. If there's a problem with me being late, the principal and/or teachers can request a meeting with me to speak about it. I just don't think anyone should be bad mouthing me to the kids. Follow whatever procedure that's in place to address late parents.

My husband who is their stepdad does drive to get them when he can but often times he can't go. Their bio dad will not assist when it's not "his" time with the kids.

So, aibu to want to complain to the school? Do I have a valid complaint about the hall aides or do I need to get over it? Give it to me straight! I plan on emailing them on Monday.

This is neglect, on your part. You could be reported to social services
Newnameforabit · 25/11/2021 20:18

@Motnight

Yes please do complain to the school, Op. And report back on what happens next😬
Excellent suggestion Grin
BirdyBirdyTweetTweet · 25/11/2021 20:20

They've done it (rightly or wrongly) to shame you into not being late! And it's clearly going to have the desired effect.

I wouldn't speak to them - you just need to suck it up.

hedgehogger1 · 25/11/2021 20:20

Bloody hell book a childminder and have someone reliable pick them up.

RoseMartha · 25/11/2021 20:20

I think the school should not talk to your dc like that and it is reasonable to ask them to discuss it in private without any pupils present

Is there a parent who you know who is also collecting their dc from same school and you could call and ask to collect your child on those occasions?

Then make a call or go in or email the school to have it on school records that if you call to say you are running late this designated parent will collect your child.

Mostlylurkingiam · 25/11/2021 20:22

30-40 miutes late?! That is totally unacceptable, you clearly need to sort it out, why should they have to stay that late at work because you can't sort your life out?!

Nayday · 25/11/2021 20:27

I think if you complain about the staff complaining about you being late (!) you're going to have your ass handed back to you.

In all likelihood the hall staff are grumbling to each other because they are pissed at being at work 40 mins after they should have finished rather than specifically talking to your son.

Also 'poor kid' is sympathetic, and 'your mum is late' is factual.

I'd say you're on dodgy ground and the school may give you a choice response, like 'next time you're late we will call your emergency contact - or SS'.

JSL52 · 25/11/2021 20:28

@DgfaMummy

Thanks for everyone's brutal honesty!

Yes, as I stated in my OP, I accept full responsibility for being late. I'm not excusing it and am apologetic for it. I understand they want to go home and are rightly pissed. I understand that. I really do and I feel horrible about making my child late.

My issue is the talking about it to my 9 year old. Address it with me directly, not talk to my child about it. That's my issue. There are processes at the school and talking behind my back to my child isn't one of them I'm sure.

But you're still doing it.
HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 25/11/2021 20:29

Yabu, you do realise that you being late, means a teacher is likely going to be late collecting their own child?

You need to have a word with your management team, advise that y need to leave for X time, irregardless if the relief is on shift or not, it’s what managers are paid for! - to manage!

santabetterwashhishands · 25/11/2021 20:33

Your the problem not the school 🤷‍♀️

fourandnomore · 25/11/2021 20:37

You are completely unreasonable and entitled here. The school must be utterly fed up and I do feel sorry for your child too. By telling you this is happening, do you think he may be trying to tell you he is mortified by this situation and wants you to stop being late? My mum often being late because she was juggling too many things as a single parent made me very anxious for a lot of my childhood. I totally understand and can empathise with her situation now that I am an adult but as a child it was very difficult. You need to change your after school arrangements or your job to sort this out.

changedusername190 · 25/11/2021 20:45

At what point are you going to think " this current set up isn't working" and sort out someone to cover you. It's not fair on your child or the staff. I would imagine that if you complain they will refer you to child services to make sure that you can meet your child's needs.

DirtyDancing · 25/11/2021 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeltedButter · 25/11/2021 20:58

You need to sort after school childcare. If it was a nursery you'd be charged for that. You're pushing all the blame onto the school when you should be working out how to pick your child up on time.

I can't help but think your poor child must feel abandoned.