To think DS should get the bigger room?

[JulyWind]

3 bedrooms in our house, all are big enough to be doubles.

There is me and DH, two DSS's aged 10&13 and DS aged 4.

When we moved here (last year), the 3rd bedroom needed some work doing to it. We agreed that DSS's would have the 2nd bedroom and DS would stay with us until we finished the work that needed doing to what would become his bedroom.

We have now finished it, due to some of the works we did (namely knocking through into an old airing cupboard, it is now just slightly the bigger of the 2 children's rooms but not by any huge amount.

DH is now saying that we should swap the children over. I don't agree. I think it's fine for DS to have the bigger of the two rooms as he lives here all of the time and has a lot more "stuff" here.

DSS's stay 2 nights a week but, especially the eldest, there seems to be a lot more sleeping at friends houses etc. going on these days or spending more time out of the house rather than in.

AIBU? It's annoyed me because we always agreed this would be DS's room when the work was done, he's shared with us for the past year waiting for it to be done and I'd even started decorating it for him and don't want to faff about now for the sake of the extra size of what used to be a cupboard!

[quote julieca]@aSofaNearYou So you had a big room with a sofa and bed and were happy to work on the sofa or bed? Its not really comparable to two teenagers sharing an ordinary-sized double room with two single beds in. There already wont be a lot of space.[/quote]
And they have bunk beds (their choice) not two single beds.

He was promised the room, he made sacrifices...he gets the room.

Nothing else matters!

@julieca

Oh sorry if it was in the sofa in the living room with your family and TV on, that really isn't okay if there is a better choice. Kids make do with lots of less than ideal situations, but if we have a choice as parents, we should try to make it better.

Yes, in the living room. It was absolutely fine, that's what headphones are for. But 90% of the time I did my work sat on my bed. I would have chosen that over a hard chair at a desk.

I simply don't see having a desk as particularly important for teenagers.

Okay if they have bunk beds I can see it wouldn't be squashed.
I am not arguing for any particular decision. But I do think it is more complex than your OP seems to understand.

I simply don't see having a desk as particularly important for teenagers

Me either to be honest, I never had one either and got on just fine.

But regardless, they already have a desk. I don't see why they need a bigger one for the sake of it.

@GreyhoundG1rl

Or do you mean in the living room on the sofa with the rest of the family as the TV is on? Yes, or as I said, on my bed. You might have considered that "fine", but it really isn't. Especially where there is actually an option to do it better.

Who are you to say that isn't fine? I was happy and comfortable, would have chosen to sit on a comfy chair anyway, and I concentrated fine and got good grades. What about that isn't fine?

I must say I've never seen a teenager sat on their bed and thought "wow, that poor child, this really isn't ok".

He's 4 he is not going to care what room he has - ask the two older boys what room they would prefer. Maybe they will feel more at home if they have choice. I find it hard to believe there is not much in the space since you seem to be arguing quite hard that your 4 year old gets the bigger room.

@ittakes2

He's 4 he is not going to care what room he has - ask the two older boys what room they would prefer. Maybe they will feel more at home if they have choice. I find it hard to believe there is not much in the space since you seem to be arguing quite hard that your 4 year old gets the bigger room.

Yes that is a fair point. If there is little difference, why would the OP care?

Yes that is a fair point. If there is little difference, why would the OP care?

A) Because she's already started decorating it

B) because it's illogical if they're already struggling to find space for DS4s things

C) Because he may already be excited about it. If I'd spent months telling my 3yo she would be moving into that room soon, she would be disappointed to suddenly be told that wasn't happening anymore. No she wouldn't care about size, but she would have become attached to that room in her mind.

For the sake of 2 nights a week...

Yeah well, that is not their fault, is it. If they are showing signs of rather staying out than at your house, something needs to be done.

@julieca I imagine she's arguing for it because a DS sacrificed waiting for his own room to be done, sounds like a in terms of priority he often gets hand me downs and it's what DH originally agreed before the Disney dad got him.

Can you imagine the absolute outrage if this was DSC in hand me downs and DC in new clothes, and after a year of waiting for their new room SC were told actually no sorry it's going to DC.

Come on.

@TrulyPistoff

For the sake of 2 nights a week...

Yeah well, that is not their fault, is it. If they are showing signs of rather staying out than at your house, something needs to be done.

Yes chain them to the door, bribe them with sweets, games and no rules.

They are acting like teenagers, teenagers do this. It's not a special act or rebellion because of being part of blended family or sign of deep seeded trauma over not having a slightly bigger room.

Your DS lives there full time so he should have the bigger room. The DSS have 2 bedrooms, 1 at their mum’s and 1 at dad’s. Your DH is being ridiculous and very unreasonable.

@lilly7221w

He was promised the room, he made sacrifices...he gets the room.

Nothing else matters!

I agree! A new room is a huge deal to a child. I know I would have been excited and imagining my new life in that room the whole time.

[quote julieca]@aSofaNearYou no desks aren't essential. But they do help kids study better. There is a difference between managing because that is your only option, and refusing to consider a teenager's needs.[/quote]
My DS has a desk he never uses. He sits on his bed with his laptop to do homework. His choice.

He could use the desk. Or my desk. Or the kitchen table. But he chooses to sit on his bed. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@TrulyPistoff

For the sake of 2 nights a week...

Yeah well, that is not their fault, is it. If they are showing signs of rather staying out than at your house, something needs to be done.

They’re 10 and 13, it’s totally normal that they’d rather hang out with their friends.

@BeyondOurReef being 10 & 13 I don’t think it’s that common to want to stay over at a friend’s house rather than to sleep at home.

@candlelightsatdawn where do you get the hand me downs from??

@julieca

PP "or if your husband expects him to make do with the step sons cast offs? *"
*

OP response "Oh yes he would."

No way. Keep the plan as it is. Your stepsons don’t care, they’ve got their room and are happy with it. It’s your weak husband trying to overcompensate at the cost of your youngest son, who’s spent ages having to bunk in with his parents. The littlest one has paid his dues, lives their full time and will by nature have more stuff. He gets the room.

Your husband needs a reality check and to stop being scared of being fair in case his older sons don’t like it. In this case it sounds like they don’t give a toss.

[quote TrulyPistoff]@BeyondOurReef being 10 & 13 I don’t think it’s that common to want to stay over at a friend’s house rather than to sleep at home.[/quote]
Are you bonkers? At those ages I basically lived at my best friend’s house. Stop making stuff up just to have a dig at the ‘evil stepmother’ OP.

@candlelightsatdawn that does not say the DS gets the older kids cast offs. And it would be weird if he did given the large age gap.

[quote candlelightsatdawn]@julieca

PP "or if your husband expects him to make do with the step sons cast offs? *"
*

OP response "Oh yes he would."[/quote]
Oh sorry that's me not being clear. I meant yes he would decorate the other room for DS if we swapped them.

I agree that it is not common to sleep over at friends houses regularly at that age.

@TrulyPistoff

For the sake of 2 nights a week...

Yeah well, that is not their fault, is it. If they are showing signs of rather staying out than at your house, something needs to be done.

Don't be ridiculous. They aren't "showing signs" of anything except growing up! One of the nights they stay is over the weekend and it's not uncommon for them to want to stay at a friend's. It's not weird or odd.