To think DS should get the bigger room?

[JulyWind]

3 bedrooms in our house, all are big enough to be doubles.

There is me and DH, two DSS's aged 10&13 and DS aged 4.

When we moved here (last year), the 3rd bedroom needed some work doing to it. We agreed that DSS's would have the 2nd bedroom and DS would stay with us until we finished the work that needed doing to what would become his bedroom.

We have now finished it, due to some of the works we did (namely knocking through into an old airing cupboard, it is now just slightly the bigger of the 2 children's rooms but not by any huge amount.

DH is now saying that we should swap the children over. I don't agree. I think it's fine for DS to have the bigger of the two rooms as he lives here all of the time and has a lot more "stuff" here.

DSS's stay 2 nights a week but, especially the eldest, there seems to be a lot more sleeping at friends houses etc. going on these days or spending more time out of the house rather than in.

AIBU? It's annoyed me because we always agreed this would be DS's room when the work was done, he's shared with us for the past year waiting for it to be done and I'd even started decorating it for him and don't want to faff about now for the sake of the extra size of what used to be a cupboard!

Makes no sense for them to have the bigger room they're only there 2 nights and it's all set up for them already. Unless they've moaned it's too small and stuff already I can't see why your DH has suddenly pulled this idea out of thin air. Must be a guilt thing. Stand firm and carry on as planned.

This was the room with the cupboard (CB), we've knocked that through so now it's just one open room. I'd say it's probably given an extra metre width ways.

I think as well it's very unfair on DS. I know he's only little but he bunked with us for a year on the promise that he'd get this room and get to decorate it etc.. and now what? We're just supposed to say 'oh actually, it's a pretty decent space so instead your brothers are going to have this'. His brothers who have had their own room since we moved in when he hasn't.

I'm nearly always of the opinion that those sharing get the bigger room. However in this instance the 2 DSS's are only there 2 nights a week, they have a decent sized double bedroom, decorated as they like it with all needed stuff in there.
DS new room is slightly bigger, however, he has been looking forward to moving into his room, you can decorate it for him (you'd have to decorate 2 rooms I assume if they switch). He likely has more stuff at your house as its his only bedroom.
Plus with the ages of the DSS it is likely in a few short years time they will stay less and less, and the room won't be used hardly at all. Or just by one of them part time.
It just makes sense for DS to have it under these circumstances.

What is your DH's actual argument for the DSS's moving to that room?

Ugh there are so many threads like this. Children who are actually living full time in a home being treated like second class citizens so their mam/dad can act the hero with their children that live elsewhere.

YANBU op. Your stepsons already have bedrooms at their mams and a perfectly good bedroom at yours. Your son deserves to have a nice bedroom in his own home.

I'm all for children being treated equally but this is not equal its your stepsons getting the best of both worlds in both homes while your son is left holding the raw end of the stick.

So your DS has not had a room for a year and now your DH thinks the "new" room is a bit too good for him so you all need to go to all the expense and faff of redecorating and moving then his elder sons are seemingly perfectly happy as they are anyway?
Ick. Ick. Ick.

@Youseethethingis

So your DS has not had a room for a year and now your DH thinks the "new" room is a bit too good for him so you all need to go to all the expense and faff of redecorating and moving then his elder sons are seemingly perfectly happy as they are anyway? Ick. Ick. Ick.

Agreed.

If the room is big enough for them then this is just not necessary at a time where a treat for your son should be the priority.

If your DSS’s weren’t already settled in their room I’d say swap but based on all your information I think stick with your plan. YANBU.

I in no way agree with your husband, but I'm curious to know if your son would get to decorate the smaller room as he wants, or if your husband expects him to make do with the step sons cast offs?

YANBU OP, even without the situation with your DS sharing with you for so long and being promised that room, it's far more practical for the younger child to have the larger room. I'm guessing your DS has big plastic toys, picture books etc and needs space to play with them. It doesn't make any sense to cram him into the smaller room when the teens only need space to chill twice a week.

@CrimbleCrumble1

If your DSS’s weren’t already settled in their room I’d say swap but based on all your information I think stick with your plan. YANBU.

I wouldn't even agree in these circumstances though tbh. I don't know why we'd have a bigger bedroom sat empty for 80% of the week regardless as to them being already settled in their room.

@HoseMeDownWithHolyWater

I in no way agree with your husband, but I'm curious to know if your son would get to decorate the smaller room as he wants, or if your husband expects him to make do with the step sons cast offs?

Oh yes he would.

YANBU

Just stick to the original plan.

Completely agree with you OP, your DS is there full time and should have the room he was always supposed to be having. Your DSS have a double bedroom to share for just 2 nights a week, and that's ample considering they won't have as much stuff at yours as they do at their mums.

Who is going to get their own way, OP? One of you will have to back down.

Tell your DH to jog on and that the matter is not up for discussion.

END OF.

@HoseMeDownWithHolyWater

Who is going to get their own way, OP? One of you will have to back down.

I'm just continuing to decorate it for DS to be honest.

I'm just continuing to decorate it for DS to be honest.

Good. What a strange suggestion from your DH when he knows you've already started decorating!

What is your DH's actual argument for the DSS's moving to that room?

There's two of them, more room for a bigger desk for homework (they have a desk but it's not huge), more room for friends to stay.

@JulyWind

What is your DH's actual argument for the DSS's moving to that room?

There's two of them, more room for a bigger desk for homework (they have a desk but it's not huge), more room for friends to stay.

Is there room for friends to stay currently?

YANBU at all - he's been promised the room, has been waiting a year and is no doubt really looking forward to moving in. Especially as your DSSs are happy where they are, and you'd have to redecorate both rooms for the sake of a tiny size difference.

My 4 year old has a lot of space filling toys in his bedroom (keyboard, play tent, large pieces of Playmobil, storage bin of dressing up clothes etc), compared to his 8 year old sister who's belongings take up a much smaller area.

So on a practical level, I would imagine that your ds, who is still very young, either does, or will end up having more toys and belongings to cram into a bedroom than the dss who are only there 2 days a week and who are getting older.

Tbh, I think this is very mean of you dh to treat your ds in this way. Unfortunately it seems to be a common subject on here.

Is there room for friends to stay currently?

Yes, it's a double room. They have bunk beds so there is plenty of floor space (their choice to have bunk beds, they could have had separate ones).

His being petty over the size of a bloody cupboard basically. He was happy for ds to have that room with the cupboard it in so he can suck it up. Ds hasn’t had his own room for a year while another room is used twice a week.

Ignore the dh decorate the room for joint ds so he can finally have a room and tell dh to poke it.

I think the 2 sharing should get the bigger room