School detentions

[FU81]

I have a real dilemma with my daughters secondary school. She doesn’t often get detentions (in 3 years just 2) but she got kept behind after a lesson last week for 20 minutes and she was late for the lesson. my daily school run is to collect youngest from primary then collect her & her sister from secondary, drop them to my MIL about 12 miles away then onto work. My husband then collects them from his mums when he finishes work. We’ve had the same routine for last couple of years & it works well providing all the kids are on time.
The day my daughter was kept behind messed up the routine & I was ultimately late for my shift by over an hour. I complained to the school who basically said that they can pretty much detain the kids without notice & it’s too bad for the parent if they’re late for work (not their problem effectively). I explained that unfortunately life doesn’t work as simply as that & if it affects my childcare arrangements and work schedule then detentions need to happen during lunch breaks which I have no problem with. The teacher is question was very rude & just sent me cut/paste text from school policy & told me if I don’t like it maybe I should find another school that has policies that fit in with my work schedule but good luck with that. On Monday she was given a 60 minute after school detention (for tuesday) by the very teacher I’d been having these email exchanges with which seemed such a coincidence the reason being that she was late again to a lesson, she explained that she was kept by her tutor after registration for a few minutes so she was running late for a lesson, so I feel an hour is an excessive detention time for the infraction. I called the school & explained that she couldn’t attend attend after school due to our schedule so could she have it during a lunch hour and that I feel the time excessive. Yesterday I then received an email from said teacher telling me that as it was missed she now has a 90 minute detention after school tomorrow, which I have responded that she cannot attend for reasons that I have previously explained, I also explained that I work at a hospital about 40 minute drive away & I’m on a strict schedule & I cannot just turn up late for my shifts otherwise I could face a disciplinary. AIBU to fight against this, I feel the school is being unreasonable as I’m not refusing she have a detention just not after school plus I do feel the teacher has deliberately given her the detention because he doesn’t like my opinion on it.

They cannot force her to attend after school detentions.
I would go straight to the head teacher.

Unfortunately, the school has no obligation to take into account your own schedules. Lots of parents will be inconvenienced by pupils' detentions and the school can't be expected to pander to each family's individual arrangements.

I did think about contacting the head if this drags on but they generally tend to close ranks once you start making complaints, it just seems the teacher will not drop it & is determined to make his point

If she is late to a lesson due to being spoken to by another teacher surely they can sign her planner stating this is why she was late. It wasn’t as if she could refuse to stay and speak to the other teacher to avoid being late. I would email the tutor and ask them to confirm the reason she was late and therefore a detention not appropriate.

Contact the Head teacher she shouldn't have been given a detention for being kept behind by another teacher

I have emailed her tutor & have yet to receive a response

What Harriet1216 said.

The school is under no obligation to cater for your logistical arrangements. Sometimes detentions are run at lunchtime, or used to be, but the lunch break is so short these days that it isn’t practical. Teachers and students must have the time to have lunch and go to the toilet etc.

If she rarely gets a detention, you might have to think of how you could organise alternative arrangements for those occasions.

The teacher doesn't want to be tied to a lunchtime detection when they have to stay and work after school anyway IMO. They are probably hoping that the disruption to you makes an impact on your child's behaviour - can't blame them really but I would email them stating they don't have permission and escalate it as a complaint if it continues, you have explained why
I have absolutely no problem with giving detentions btw

The school should have its detention policy clearly set out somewhere on their website where you can check it. I suggest you read it through then discuss with your daughter how the detention situation got to the point of after school detentions. Once you have all the information, an e-mail to the head of year or key stage to ask if she can serve any punishment in another way would probably be the best approach. Try not to make it personal or accuse the teacher of picking on her, though, just stick to the facts and bear in mind your daughter may not be giving you the whole story.
I don't think same day detentions without advance notice are fair on parents so in a general sense YANBU, but do check you have all the facts.

I used to have a very tight pick up schedule like you OP with 2 in Primary and 2 in High School. Detentions would cause me to be late for work so I gave my DC my permission to leave school at the end of the day and not stay for Detentions.

The school cannot force your child to stay back. I did have the obvious irrate teacher call and I explained my situation and stated that DC would lose 30 mins TV time/x box/phone time once we got home but the Detention was not an option.

They were not happy but I am afraid my job was more important than their need to punish my child for a minor indiscretion.

I don't think same day detentions without advance notice are fair on parents so in a general sense YANBU, but do check you have all the facts

I agree. A school detention doesn't trump eg a dentist appointment or similar - it can be done anytime.

And although the school isn't responsible for worrying about a parent's routine, it is unprofessional to be rude, and it is pretty important that a parent does not lose their job!

Your daughter can just walk out of school if she needs to - the school can't grab hold of her and stop her from leaving! But you also need to know that that would also escalate the situation and then she might end up with a Saturday morning detention or whatever the next stage of your school's disciplinary policy is.

Unfortunately that's how secondary school works🤷‍♀️ as a pp has said, so many parents are inconvenienced by their child getting a detention but teachers are able to hand out detentions as they see fit (some have more leeway than others.)

Many schools don't do a standard lunchtime detention as kids need to get something to eat and have fresh air. Teachers also need to get something to eat and prepare for their next lesson etc. One teacher isn't going to give up their lunch to stay behind with one child whereas teachers that stay behind after school for detention usually have that task delegated to them.

Obviously this clashes with your schedule but I don't see why the teacher would make exception for your daughter. I also think if you go to the head the same thing will be reiterated

To be honest I really don’t care what the policy is we will not rearrange work schedules & childcare arrangements just to accommodate the detention. My job is far more important than the school detention & the fact that there is no reason that they can’t do it during a lunch hour except they don’t want to doesn’t seem good enough. The other thing that worries me is that the teacher asked why she can’t just walk home after the detention, I explained that it would be about an hours walk in the dark and as we live fairly rurally (down a couple of country lanes) I wouldn’t want her doing that as I don’t think it’s particularly safe he said that many kids walk home in the dark & I’m just finding excuses to be difficult

I don't think same day detentions without advance notice are fair on parents so in a general sense YANBU, but do check you have all the facts

I'm confused. What school doesn't do same day detentions? I've never heard of a school giving a parent prior warning that their child has a detention. I left school 6 years ago so I'm very up to date about how detentions work as I often had many.

We could be given a hour or two detentions and were expected to sit that the whole day. If we didn't go, then a hour detention would turn into two hours the next day. If we missed a two hour detention, we'd be in internal referral for the whole day.

Our parents also never got a text or any notification if we were in detention, they'd only know if they called the school. Not the best way of communicating but it is what it is🤷‍♀️

They try to give parents 24 hours notice for anything over 30 minutes apparently, she brings home a detention slip

I would be questioning those specific detentions. Its not like she was faffing and late, her teachers kept her behind. The detentions are ridiculous and I'd be refusing them for their ridiculousness.

In general though, if child deserves a detention I do agree it isn't school's problem re work.

Our secondary school gives 24hrs notice on all detentions for that exact reason, to give parents time to make alternative arrangements if necessary. I agree you should take this up with the head and perhaps suggest that as a compromise?

You need to support the school. When you send your child to school you usually sign a document to say you will support the behaviour policy. Lunchtime detentions are not appropriate as the lunchtime is not long enough. I think probably your dd is messing about between lessons ( they tend to do this as they get older) and if needs nipping in the bud ( why did her form teacher keep her back? And yes normally a teacher would give a note for the next teacher if they’d made them late for another lesson). Your daughter needs to ensure her behaviour doesn’t make you late for work rather than the school changing their policy. If you start telling the school they can’t issue her with detentions after school that’s the go ahead to a child to do what they please.

Honestly I'd tell your daughter to not attend any after school detention you aren't already aware of and have catered for.

If a teacher tells her to stay for 20 minutes, tell her to leave.

Detentions don't benefit her education and you can deal with the teachers on her behalf.

The school would soon pipe up if you lost your job and couldn't afford the uniforms or breakfast for your children, wouldn't they.

To be honest you do sound like your just making excuses
Your child not followed policy
She has a detention
You need fine suitable childcare so your child can attend
Why can someone else not pick her up ?
A taxi ?
Go to a friends house after ?
Ride a bike home ?

I’m guessing ultimately there’s not a lot the school can do to enforce the detention; it’s not an attendance issue so not a concern in that sense as she has very good attendance. I suppose I shouldn’t really worry as they can’t prosecute me for failure to attend a detention!

Not been in this situation so far but I’d just tell the child to leave.

If my child is naughty at school and you want to punish them, punish them in your time not mine. I don’t ask school to use their time to punish my child if naughty at home.

Sounds like this particular teacher is using your not wanting it to make it even worse now as well. Her being late due to another teacher shouldn’t result in a detention either.

@videobaby123 your school were breaching a lot of rules there. They have to notify the parents with notice if it's longer than 20/30 minutes I believe, and a 2 hour detention is batshit.

Ours were 30 as standard, an hour if it was head of year (serious or if you missed a standard detention) then isolation (your internal referral) for the day if you missed that.

I imagine if you don't resolve it the next step will be internal exclusion @FU81

@FU81

I’m guessing ultimately there’s not a lot the school can do to enforce the detention; it’s not an attendance issue so not a concern in that sense as she has very good attendance. I suppose I shouldn’t really worry as they can’t prosecute me for failure to attend a detention!

My school put students into isolation for the day if they didn't attend detentions, which is ridiculous as that affects your education a lot more than being a few minutes late to a lesson.

You'll need to fight the school if they try that one.