School detentions

[FU81]

I have a real dilemma with my daughters secondary school. She doesn’t often get detentions (in 3 years just 2) but she got kept behind after a lesson last week for 20 minutes and she was late for the lesson. my daily school run is to collect youngest from primary then collect her & her sister from secondary, drop them to my MIL about 12 miles away then onto work. My husband then collects them from his mums when he finishes work. We’ve had the same routine for last couple of years & it works well providing all the kids are on time.
The day my daughter was kept behind messed up the routine & I was ultimately late for my shift by over an hour. I complained to the school who basically said that they can pretty much detain the kids without notice & it’s too bad for the parent if they’re late for work (not their problem effectively). I explained that unfortunately life doesn’t work as simply as that & if it affects my childcare arrangements and work schedule then detentions need to happen during lunch breaks which I have no problem with. The teacher is question was very rude & just sent me cut/paste text from school policy & told me if I don’t like it maybe I should find another school that has policies that fit in with my work schedule but good luck with that. On Monday she was given a 60 minute after school detention (for tuesday) by the very teacher I’d been having these email exchanges with which seemed such a coincidence the reason being that she was late again to a lesson, she explained that she was kept by her tutor after registration for a few minutes so she was running late for a lesson, so I feel an hour is an excessive detention time for the infraction. I called the school & explained that she couldn’t attend attend after school due to our schedule so could she have it during a lunch hour and that I feel the time excessive. Yesterday I then received an email from said teacher telling me that as it was missed she now has a 90 minute detention after school tomorrow, which I have responded that she cannot attend for reasons that I have previously explained, I also explained that I work at a hospital about 40 minute drive away & I’m on a strict schedule & I cannot just turn up late for my shifts otherwise I could face a disciplinary. AIBU to fight against this, I feel the school is being unreasonable as I’m not refusing she have a detention just not after school plus I do feel the teacher has deliberately given her the detention because he doesn’t like my opinion on it.

Somehow OP I'm not finding it at all surprising that your daughters attitude is resulting in multiple DTs

I dont think 3 DTs in 3 years is akin to an ASBO given the pathetic reasons some teachers dish them out.

OP Some posters will never question authority no matter how stupid especially when it comes to schools so there are many who will blame your DD, you, the dog, your MIL but never the school

@FU81

She was kept behind by her tutor (not for more than 5 minutes) after registration because she wanted to speak to her about an upcoming hockey tournament & my daughter is in the team

In which case why has she got detention at all? I dont blame you for challenging that, it's clearly unfair. But, if she does earn herself an after school detention at some point then your unique and special circumstances which mean she couldn't possibly do it, no matter what excuses, excuses, excuses-- are not the school's problem.

@rainbowandglitter
I work late shifts every week day, I chose this shift pattern to fit with family needs so it generally works well for us

With the best will in the world, and even with the nicest of teenagers, what gets reported home isn't always exactly what happened.

If your DD:

• was talking to her previous teacher for some positive reason (say helping out at open evening, a role in the school play) and the teacher lost track of time
• came in quietly to the lesson and apologised for being late
• explained politely that she had been with Mrs Lastteacher

then I agree the teacher issuing the detention was most unreasonable.

I think the school should respond constructively to your query about this. If they seem to "close ranks" however, it's possible that their perspective on what happened could be slightly different.

I also think schools should give notice of detentions.

@FU81

I have emailed her tutor to find out what happened but I haven’t received a reply yet so I cannot be 100% certain that it’s definitely the reason she was late however isn’t continually getting into trouble at school & there is no pattern of bad behaviour so I don’t think she would tell me a blatant lie that I can easily check

This is the right approach imo. Hopefully your DD is telling the truth and the form tutor should be able to explain and apologise to the other teacher.

You would, however, be amazed at the blatant, easily checked lies that good students tell to try to get out of trouble. By year 9 the more difficult kids have usually figured out which lies can be easily caught and spin stories which are harder to check!

@FU81

She was kept behind by her tutor (not for more than 5 minutes) after registration because she wanted to speak to her about an upcoming hockey tournament & my daughter is in the team

It says in your OP she was 20 minutes late to lesson, not 5 minutes? So where was she for the 15 minutes she wasn’t talking to the teacher? I think maybe asking your daughter this and then going from there is the best way forwards.

OP I would be furious about being late for work to and would not allow my child’s detention to be after school if it affected my job. I am strict with my kids and do support the school but schools need to understand parents have to work to feed, clothe and keep roofs over there kids. I would be telling the school my child will not be attending after school detention as I need to keep my job but if they behave in a manner that does not meet the schools behaviour criteria contact me and will put them on a phone ban etc.

The sixty-minute detention sounds unreasonable. Teachers aren’t always reasonable, but they usually know their rights and when they say or imply it’s your problem to sort out transport, they’re right.
As others have said, lunchtime detentions aren’t an equivalent punishment so I don’t think that would be a fair alternative and isn’t a reasonable request.
I don’t think you can win.

My job is far more important than the school detention & the fact that there is no reason that they can’t do it during a lunch hour except they don’t want to doesn’t seem good enough.

You're totally out of order. The teacher is entitled to her unpaid lunch break without having to spend time with delinquent children. She doesn't have to work then. The after school detention is likely part of directed time, and you'll have agreed that your daughter can be disciplined by the school by enrolling her there. Legally, you don't need to be given any notice and it definitely doesn't need to be convenient. You just have to be told where your daughter is.

She shouldn’t have had the original detention according to her account to you. Missing the start of a lesson is very disruptive to the learning of others. This is the issue you need to focus on but remember teenagers who are in trouble don’t always give the whole truth.

What strikes is 3 detentions in 2 years when school has been closed for a significant amount of time. You need to work with the school otherwise if you continue like this then your daughter will have not respect for her teachers and in year 11 when she is refusing to revise/do hmk you won’t have enough time to rebuild it before her exams.

If you were given notice of the detention could your DH finish early on one occasion to pick her up after ? Or do they do Saturday morning detentions which might be easier from a transport perspective.

If the detention is justified ( which seems far from being the case here) then trying to work with the school to find an alternative other than same day seems like the best plan.

I'm getting confused with her being kept behind for 5 minutes and being 20 minutes late? Sounds like me actually, detained 5 mins, hang out in the toilets 15 mins, especially if I was missing Chemistry

Wow, not all children are lying toe rags! Some children are well behaved and do tell the truth.

@HipTightOnions
Of course, I under that, I wouldn’t bother checking with her tutor if I just took her word for it & I’m more than aware that there may be some embellished truths but I’ll reserve judgment until I hear from her tutor.

I'm getting confused with her being kept behind for 5 minutes and being 20 minutes late? Sounds like me actually, detained 5 mins, hang out in the toilets 15 mins, especially if I was missing Chemistry

She was kept behind for 20 minutes with no notice after one lesson (legal but unreasonable imo). She was kept behind by her form tutor for 5 minutes a completely different day which made her late for a different lesson but in the same subject. The teacher in this subject has issued an after school detention for the lateness (unreasonable if DD was 5 mins late, reasonable is she used "Ms X was speaking to me" to be 20 mins late).

Hope it all gets sorted soon FU81.

I don't envy you your tight schedule and I'm sure you could do without this hassle!

@HipTightOnions
Thanks me too, the school are actually being really trivial & petty considering she was a few minutes late for a lesson so yes I could definitely do without it!

Some children are well behaved and do tell the truth.

Children are human. None are perfectly behaved, and most will lie at some point. That doesn't make them toerags, or delinquents, or any other horrible name. It just means that we all (parents and teachers) need to make sure we have the whole story before getting angry.

I'm sorry but you are being unreasonable. She has to follow the same rules as everyone else. If she has detention then she had to do it. I'm in a similar position to you. Can you set up an uber account, and get the school office to put her into a taxi after a detention?

What strikes is 3 detentions in 2 years when school has been closed for a significant amount of time

Oh for goodness sake. Have you any idea how many detentions some schools give out and for what flimsy reasons? Some MNers do not live in the real world at all.

The teacher is entitled to her unpaid lunch break without having to spend time with delinquent children

Delinquent? Ha ha.

Why do posters think Uber operates everywhere?

@NeedsCharging
I don’t even have deliveroo where I live let alone uber!

I don’t even have deliveroo where I live let alone uber!

When I stay with my sister who lives in a big city getting a diliveroo of lovely food I haven't had to cook or drive to collect is the first thing I do

I am now wondering if we live in the same place!

Another option- could you check what time the school building gets locked up at ? Seems safer for her to stay there until her DF can pick her up.