School detentions

[FU81]

I have a real dilemma with my daughters secondary school. She doesn’t often get detentions (in 3 years just 2) but she got kept behind after a lesson last week for 20 minutes and she was late for the lesson. my daily school run is to collect youngest from primary then collect her & her sister from secondary, drop them to my MIL about 12 miles away then onto work. My husband then collects them from his mums when he finishes work. We’ve had the same routine for last couple of years & it works well providing all the kids are on time.
The day my daughter was kept behind messed up the routine & I was ultimately late for my shift by over an hour. I complained to the school who basically said that they can pretty much detain the kids without notice & it’s too bad for the parent if they’re late for work (not their problem effectively). I explained that unfortunately life doesn’t work as simply as that & if it affects my childcare arrangements and work schedule then detentions need to happen during lunch breaks which I have no problem with. The teacher is question was very rude & just sent me cut/paste text from school policy & told me if I don’t like it maybe I should find another school that has policies that fit in with my work schedule but good luck with that. On Monday she was given a 60 minute after school detention (for tuesday) by the very teacher I’d been having these email exchanges with which seemed such a coincidence the reason being that she was late again to a lesson, she explained that she was kept by her tutor after registration for a few minutes so she was running late for a lesson, so I feel an hour is an excessive detention time for the infraction. I called the school & explained that she couldn’t attend attend after school due to our schedule so could she have it during a lunch hour and that I feel the time excessive. Yesterday I then received an email from said teacher telling me that as it was missed she now has a 90 minute detention after school tomorrow, which I have responded that she cannot attend for reasons that I have previously explained, I also explained that I work at a hospital about 40 minute drive away & I’m on a strict schedule & I cannot just turn up late for my shifts otherwise I could face a disciplinary. AIBU to fight against this, I feel the school is being unreasonable as I’m not refusing she have a detention just not after school plus I do feel the teacher has deliberately given her the detention because he doesn’t like my opinion on it.

Most secondary schools take the piss just because they can.

@Willowowisp disagree about catchment! My son went to his catchment school and it was a 40 min bus journey with no service bus options at all!! if he missed the school bus it meant he had no option but to be given a lift. This was the nearest school and the school bus park has 15 ish busses full of children each day in exactly the same position. The school did not do same day after school detentions for this very reason.

I don't agree with pp saying your daughter should walk out of detentions/not go at all. All that's gonna do is escalate the situation and then next thing you know she's facing internal exclusion or an actual exclusion all because she didn't go to a 60/90 min detention?? Not worth it at all and kids end up missing out on so much more of their education.

I think you're being unreasonable to expect them to start lunch time detentions for your daughter due to reasons I mentioned prior.
It'd be nice if the school could accommodate you but I don't really see how?

I agree that nothing should be clashing with your work schedule but what can you really do about it?

My dd has had a couple of detentions after school.
I requested school to double the duration and do them at lunchtime instead. Thankfully, our school was s lot more reasonable than the OP's and agreed.

Part of the issue is also how they are communicating with me; I’m not answerable to this teacher he’s not an authority figure to me but he talks to me as if he is which isn’t going to get me to cooperate and only serves to alienate me. The school seem unwilling to work with parents after all different families have different circumstances, as someone who manages staff I know all too well that there needs to be a degree of flexibility and compromise. I fail to understand what life skill this is teaching students

Kjr, that's really awful. However the op is always taking and collecting do did sign up for a more difficult life.

Surely this is a safeguarding risk, she’d have to walk home alone or stand in the dark and wait for a bus, all alone now it’s getting dark so early.

[quote girlmom21]@videobaby123 you'd have expected them to learn that detentions weren't working, wouldn't you [/quote]
I swear!! They weren't beneficial at all.

At the end of the week, a teacher would come round to your class to pick up anyone that had racked up 2hrs or more for that week. You could have accumulated 5/6hrs worth of detentions but the teachers would clear if after you say just 2hrs

Made no sense at all

Er, if she's been art secondary school for three years, surely at that age she can get herself home? It can't be that far, surely. Why does she need to go to MILS with he other kids, she doesn't need childcare.

@HipTightOnions

Most secondary schools take the piss just because they can.

@HipTightOnions did I lie?

I saw someone say it sounds like a power trip from the school's side and I agree with that so much. So many secondary schools have batshit rules and policies yet they know people will still send their children there so they take the piss because they know they can.

My little sister's secondary school has a rule that you're not allowed to wear any hats or scarves in the school playground??? Bizarre or what

@Alicetheowl
She’s 14, in year 9…I don’t think it’s your place to decide what childcare she needs thanks. Of course she can get herself home but if you read my other posts it’s quite a long walk in the dark and fairly rural so I am not happy to get her to do that.

@Alicetheowl

Er, if she's been art secondary school for three years, surely at that age she can get herself home? It can't be that far, surely. Why does she need to go to MILS with he other kids, she doesn't need childcare.

This! She’s 14, she can get herself home from school surely?! I don’t understand why her doing an after school detention would mean you can’t go to work - take her sister to MIL and let her make her own way home!

I don't understand why your school thinks it's reasonable for a teacher to give a detention for lateness when the lateness was caused by a fellow teacher keeping the student back. That's just mind-boggling.

And yes, a lot of secondary schools are on power trips. This trend for draconian zero tolerance discipline does nobody any favours. It's perfectly possible to have a sensible system that works - my bog standard local comp managed it.

I was with you right up till you said you only live an hour walk away and she's what, 14?
As it's perfectly common place for secondary school aged kids to walk an hour home (right from 11, let alone 14) , I imagine the schools think you're making excuses.
From your op, I assumed you lived miles and miles away, and driving was your only option.
But that isn't the case at all.
Bike/walk with a friend/taxi.
I'm very keen on actions have consequences with my dc. Her consequence is not getting a lift from school.

I'd tell the teacher she isn't attending after svhool detentions full stop and if he wants to escalate the situation then let him. Then you can have a chat with the head about this teacher's unacceptable manner and lack of understanding. Sounds like this teacher has a real attitude problem.

@Alicetheowl

Er, if she's been art secondary school for three years, surely at that age she can get herself home? It can't be that far, surely. Why does she need to go to MILS with he other kids, she doesn't need childcare.

Have you got the highlight OP's posts setting turned on? She's already answered this.

the teacher asked why she can’t just walk home after the detention, I explained that it would be about an hours walk in the dark and as we live fairly rurally (down a couple of country lanes)

Why can’t your secondary aged children get the bus home? How long is the walk home from the bus stop? However, I’m surprised the teacher kept your Dd back at the end of the lesson when she had another lesson straight after. The detention should either be at lunch time or after school.

So she was kept behind for 20 minutes which caused you to be over an hour late? How does that work?

The second time you were given 24 hours notice at which point you should have arranged something so she could have attended.

@Wannakisstheteacher

Because of kids faffing & traffic; why is that even relevant? I was late for work

There is no school bus available for kids within a certain area, they only provide a bus for kids outside catchment, we live in a village that falls into the school catchment so they do not provide a bus for them as they assume kids in catchment can walk even though the catchment area for school was drawn up by an idiot as it makes no sense

I think the onus is on your child to attend lessons on time.
I would have encouraged her to email/discuss it with the teacher directly, perhaps with a note from her tutor explaining her lateness.

DS contacted a teacher who gave him an after school detention for a missing piece of h/w, to explain that he had done the wrong piece of h/w (the following weeks instead) and he had now also done the right piece (attached to his email).
He apologised for the misunderstanding.
Detention cancelled.
He is also 14.

Do poster here not grasp that not everyone lives in a city with good public transport and well lit roads?

OP I live semi rural and the bus is 1 an hour if you are lucky. Most roads from the school to home have no path as they are country lanes and have no street lighting.
While I am happy for DDs14 to walk home in the summer I am not now it is darker much earlier.

I will not risk my child's safety because of a school detention. Any parent that would is an idiot.

it sounds like a power trip from the school's side and I agree with that so much. So many secondary schools have batshit rules and policies yet they know people will still send their children there so they take the piss because they know they can.

You know what, you must be right. There's no way that the people running the schools can no more about it than you do. There's no chance that they need rules to keep children safer, or to make school life run more smoothly or to teach children how to behave nicely or anything like that. The only possible explanation is that we are all bastards on a power trip.

Know not no, ofc.

@trumpisagit

I think the onus is on your child to attend lessons on time. I would have encouraged her to email/discuss it with the teacher directly, perhaps with a note from her tutor explaining her lateness.

DS contacted a teacher who gave him an after school detention for a missing piece of h/w, to explain that he had done the wrong piece of h/w (the following weeks instead) and he had now also done the right piece (attached to his email).
He apologised for the misunderstanding.
Detention cancelled.
He is also 14.

Your son actually did something wrong that needed explaining.

If the OP's daughter is held back by another teacher they should be the ones apologising. It's not the girls fault.