School detentions

[FU81]

I have a real dilemma with my daughters secondary school. She doesn’t often get detentions (in 3 years just 2) but she got kept behind after a lesson last week for 20 minutes and she was late for the lesson. my daily school run is to collect youngest from primary then collect her & her sister from secondary, drop them to my MIL about 12 miles away then onto work. My husband then collects them from his mums when he finishes work. We’ve had the same routine for last couple of years & it works well providing all the kids are on time.
The day my daughter was kept behind messed up the routine & I was ultimately late for my shift by over an hour. I complained to the school who basically said that they can pretty much detain the kids without notice & it’s too bad for the parent if they’re late for work (not their problem effectively). I explained that unfortunately life doesn’t work as simply as that & if it affects my childcare arrangements and work schedule then detentions need to happen during lunch breaks which I have no problem with. The teacher is question was very rude & just sent me cut/paste text from school policy & told me if I don’t like it maybe I should find another school that has policies that fit in with my work schedule but good luck with that. On Monday she was given a 60 minute after school detention (for tuesday) by the very teacher I’d been having these email exchanges with which seemed such a coincidence the reason being that she was late again to a lesson, she explained that she was kept by her tutor after registration for a few minutes so she was running late for a lesson, so I feel an hour is an excessive detention time for the infraction. I called the school & explained that she couldn’t attend attend after school due to our schedule so could she have it during a lunch hour and that I feel the time excessive. Yesterday I then received an email from said teacher telling me that as it was missed she now has a 90 minute detention after school tomorrow, which I have responded that she cannot attend for reasons that I have previously explained, I also explained that I work at a hospital about 40 minute drive away & I’m on a strict schedule & I cannot just turn up late for my shifts otherwise I could face a disciplinary. AIBU to fight against this, I feel the school is being unreasonable as I’m not refusing she have a detention just not after school plus I do feel the teacher has deliberately given her the detention because he doesn’t like my opinion on it.

@NeedsCharging
Thank you! We have to walk 2 country lanes just to get to a lit road with a pavement. I’d be reluctant to walk home alone in the dark let alone a child. I don’t have a local railway station & public transport is rubbish

Firstly, get to the bottom of why she was kept behind during the lesson which caused her to be late for the next lesson. I’ve never known any teacher at my child’s secondary school to keep students behind, so they’re late for their next lesson, that makes no sense, also detentions are given in 10 minute intervals at my sons school.
If she’s genuinely being kept behind for rude/disruptive behaviour, then I would stand with the school. At the same time it is frustrating for you but they can’t accommodate to each students family commitments, ask them that the detention is done during lunch times, if you’re not getting any feedback from her tutor, email the head teacher directly.

This sounds completely unreasonable on the schools part and the teacher sounds awful. Do schools really deliberately come up with punishments to purposely inconvenience parents in the hope that it will impact children's behaviour? Is this explicit policy? And why are detentions given out for such minor problems? I would think this will give children a skewed look on the world about what is and isn't important.

I don't understand why your school thinks it's reasonable for a teacher to give a detention for lateness when the lateness was caused by a fellow teacher keeping the student back.

This is what I'd query. No child should be given detention for doing as another teacher asked. I wouldn't agree to even a lunchtime detention when she did nothing wrong.

However, the fact that schools have rules and sanction systems in place shouldn't be a shock. Nor should anyone be expecting that a sanction will be moved to suit their convenience. The whole point of detention is that it is inconvenient. If a student is allowed to be late and make up the time whenever it suits them they will not learn that punctuality is important, and late students often miss important points making the rest of the lesson less effective.

Lunchtime detentions were impossible in my last school (30 min lunch break) so all were done after school. If a child didn't turn up to an after school it would (eventually) be escalated to an internal exclusion. Staff and students all need a break and time to eat if you want afternoon lessons to be of any use at all, so lunchtime detentions aren't always possible.

I wonder how it works for kids who get a school bus home/ to school as they live rurally. I know there's a school bus that takes some kids about a 30 minute drive away not far from me. I wonder what happens if they get detention? Surely they can't expect the child to make their own way home?

OP is there any way that your DD can get a note from the teacher that originally caused her lateness?

Is said teacher a male op?

I think the school is being massively unreasonable for giving detentions if the reason is a child was kept back by another teacher!

@HipTightOnions

it sounds like a power trip from the school's side and I agree with that so much. So many secondary schools have batshit rules and policies yet they know people will still send their children there so they take the piss because they know they can.

You know what, you must be right. There's no way that the people running the schools can no more about it than you do. There's no chance that they need rules to keep children safer, or to make school life run more smoothly or to teach children how to behave nicely or anything like that. The only possible explanation is that we are all bastards on a power trip.

I'm biased because of this specific situation but:

My grandad died 11 years ago. I was 15 and had just started year 11. I was given a detention for some reason or another by a cover supervisor - basically a cover teacher who was employed by the school permanently.

I had told her I wouldn't be in school the day of the detention. It was my grandads funeral. She said I had to attend.
Obviously, I didn't attend the detention.
The next day she asked where I was. I told her that, as I'd already explained, I was at my grandads funeral.

She told me that wasn't a good enough excuse, and that I'd have to attend a head of year (longer) detention and she was calling my parents.

As you can imagine, that phone call went really well for her...

Some teachers are on power trips.

I must admit this would rankle me especially being spoken down to by a teacher. Absolutely should work together but I’m far too old to be spoken to like a child. And it’s disingenuous to say that work doesn’t factor in - of course it does and no one is going to jeopardise their work or their child’s safety to satisfy a teacher’s need to punish them.

@FU81

There is no school bus available for kids within a certain area, they only provide a bus for kids outside catchment, we live in a village that falls into the school catchment so they do not provide a bus for them as they assume kids in catchment can walk even though the catchment area for school was drawn up by an idiot as it makes no sense

What about students who can’t get lifts? How long is the walk from the nearest bus stop (bus route that goes to the school)?

FU81

In the winter 99% of parents here drop off/collect their children simply because its not safe.
The bus is due at 10 past the hour however a traffic jam or accident on the outer ring road means they can be over 30 minutes late but more often don't show at all.

No school bus because of funding and the fact there is a bus stop outside the school

I was wondering about this.

It does happen sometimes that a child is late (rarely 20 minutes though) because they were with another teacher.

Depending on the child, I might have a quick word with the other teacher to make sure the story stacks up!

OP it doesn’t prevent you from going to work. Make other arrangements for her to leave school. Bus, taxi. If it’s a total one off then taxi isn’t unreasonable

@BurntO

OP it doesn’t prevent you from going to work. Make other arrangements for her to leave school. Bus, taxi. If it’s a total one off then taxi isn’t unreasonable

How can she make other arrangements if she wasn't given prior notice?

Some teachers are on power trips.

I'm sorry you had that experience girlmom21 but there is a big difference between one very insensitive individual, and "all secondary schools".

Burnt If the OP lives anywhere like me you need to book Colin the taxi driver at least 2 days in advance! Uber doesn't operate everywhere.

I have never had any problems with communicating with the school up until now, it just seems to me that if I dare question their authority then they’ll keep imposing sanctions until I back down. Thing is I haven’t actually said she’s not to have the detention at all just not after school. Like I said earlier there is nothing they can do to enforce it other than physically restraining her which obviously won’t happen so they’re fighting a losing battle with me really

@girlmom21 Some teachers are on power trips.

So true. Thinking back there teachers at my school who really seemed to get off on bullying children. They were the minority but I'm not putting up with shit like this from teachers when my DD is older.

@girlmom21 she has been given notice on this case? Regardless you hardly need much notice to arrange a taxi.

@FU81 Can you clarify why she was kept behind? 20 minutes is a long time, was it down to behaviour or did the lesson over-run?

Boo the OP has mentioned it a few times.

Her DD was kept back in 1 lesson by the teacher for a chat. This then made her 5 minutes late for her next lesson which the teacher gave her detention for.

I'd be going to the head about 1 the reasoning for the detention and 2 the scheduling of any going forwards.

What about kids that HAVE to get a school bus to get home? Just tough, figure out some other way if that bus has left?!

No, detentions can be scheduled, sorry. And that teacher sounds like a complete prick.

Thing is I haven’t actually said she’s not to have the detention at all just not after school. Like I said earlier there is nothing they can do to enforce it other than physically restraining her which obviously won’t happen so they’re fighting a losing battle with me really

I don't understand why you are insisting on seeing it as a battle. If the school follow their policy (as they should) and your DD ends up in internal exclusion, the only loser in the "battle" is your DD.

@HipTightOnions

it sounds like a power trip from the school's side and I agree with that so much. So many secondary schools have batshit rules and policies yet they know people will still send their children there so they take the piss because they know they can.

You know what, you must be right. There's no way that the people running the schools can no more about it than you do. There's no chance that they need rules to keep children safer, or to make school life run more smoothly or to teach children how to behave nicely or anything like that. The only possible explanation is that we are all bastards on a power trip.

@HipTightOnions what the hell are you talking about😂

If you're a teacher in a school and this doesn't apply to you then keep on scrolling. Note that I said 'batshit rules and policies' and didn't once make a comment on general rules and policies that are obviously needed