DH wants to be a content creator

[Wazza89]

DH and I are struggling for money. He works 5 days a week and I’m a SAHM (because childcare costs, etc). We never have enough money to go away and my mum has stepped in to lend us money for DS shoes when I can’t find anything secondhand. We BOTH have past debts and have been reckless with money pre having kids.

However, I feel there are ways to cut back. DH never brings food into work. He says he buys a Tesco meal deal which I understand isn’t exactly expensive, but still costs more than bringing food from home in. We have two cars between us and his is on finance. I’ve told him we can share mine (and I would even make him the registered keeper as he drives more than me), but he won’t consider it. We could also downsize the 3-bed house we rent, but he doesn’t really want to because the third room is his gaming room/man cave. He spends a lot of time in there streaming and making social media content. He says he wants to earn a full-time income doing what he loves (don’t we all?!) and has watched a lot of Gary V and other famous podcasters and YouTubers (self-made millionaires). He’s put a lot of money into business ventures that have never materialised and equipment for his social media stuff, etc. In the past, I’ve tried being supportive but now I’m at the end of my tether as I feel he is not being responsible or realistic. We’ve already had to borrow money this month to get his car serviced.

When I tried bringing it up the other day (very tactfully), he tried giving me a hug and telling me everything would be alright once DS is in school full-time and I go back to work. Other times it’s been when his latest project takes off, etc.

I know it’s the sunken cost fallacy but when I’ve snapped or not shown interest in his latest money making scheme, I’ve been told I’m not being supportive and he genuinely seemed gutted. His mother, on the other hand, is always incredibly supportive and tells him he can do anything he puts his mind to. Likes everything on his social media, etc! There’s nothing wrong with having ambition, but I wish he’d worry more about the now which I constantly am!

This must be so frustrating for you, I sympathise

It's true that you can make a decent amount of money doing various content/social media things but you need to have a knack for it and do a tonne of research. Is he taking it seriously or just goofing around and waiting for money to magically appear? What kind of stuff is he doing, gaming?

It would be much better for you to work PT evenings or weekends when he can watch DC.

He needs to be bringing in money while working on what may turn out to be an income generator (but likely will not). Even if he does manage to become a content creator or influencer, getting paid to produce content, it's realistically going to take years to get to a point where his income can replace working a job right now. You need to think about where your boundaries are and how much more you can put up with, because if he doesn't change and start taking responsibility for his own life and money, he'll drag you and your money down with him.

I agree with Dreaming Bohemian. He's not going to do anything practical beyond working at his job, so the only way to get him to be useful is to make him watch the children while you bring in a little extra cash.

Current set up not working you need a frank discussion. What age children do you have?
Could you both work part time and him try and get second business up and running on his days off.
Your suggestions to cut outgoings seem sensible.
People usually have to work day job while getting a business set up.
Sahm isn’t realistic for most families - can you work eg bar work evenings or weekends.

I don’t think it’s that easy. It is actually a lot of work for successful content creators. People expect a high level of quality both in content and production. He will need expensive equipment and software. It will take a long time to make money if successful.

So is he making any money doing content creation at the moment?

If you're struggling for money, can't you find work around his work?

There is nothing wrong with him dreaming - we've all done that - talked about quitting our jobs and what we'd do instead? Are you sure it isn't just a pipe dream?

Content creation can be extremely lucrative, but the top creators (the ones I watch anyway) have been quite open in saying that Adsense, money from views, no longer makes them the bulk of their income, it has dropped hugely over the last 12-18 months. Now their money comes from ads, brand deals, and sponsorships - these will be a long way off for someone just starting out. And even if you husband starts to make traction I assume these brands will start off by offering him products for free rather than actual cash as payment - depending on what brand it is this may not really impact your financial situation (e.g. a Hello Fresh brand deal where you get free boxes would save you money on groceries, but Tissot giving him a free watch won't save you anything).

Then there is at the fact that it's a hugely saturated market, you can do everything right but ultimately this is a game where you need a lucky break, you husband may or may not get one.

As it is hugely saturated the quality demanded by consumers is high. When I first stayed watching YouTube 15 years ago the quality was AWFUL - no cuts, awkward pauses, filmed on laptop webcam - and it was accepted because thats how it was. Now you need decent lighting, high quality sound, high quality video, and to be nicely edited with a good thumbnail to even stand a chance. I don't know if your husband has this sort of set-up, but if not it would be pricy.

The thing is, your husband is right to keep at it in a sense. One thing all content creators agree on is that the algorithm loves consistency, and that they feel by regularly uploading during the start if their career helped. So I can see why he hasn't given up.

The fact is, it's highly unlikely that no matter how hard he tries, your husband won't 'make' it, but some people do and that's why he keeps trying. In your shoes I would give it the 'tolerance' in terms of time and money I would any other hobby my DH had, and would certainly not get into debt or finical difficulty because of it.

Well, what do you know, he's still reckless with money. Anyone who won't take packed lunch or give up an unneeded car or bedroom when they're borrowing money for necessities is a bloody selfish fool.

The odds of him ever becoming a "content creator" who can keep you all are pretty bloody low even if he were savvier. I think PP are right and you'll have to take a job while he watches DC, but think longer term about how this is going to work financially, because something tells me that when there's more slack that will merely become an excuse for him to piss more away on his "business".

I’d say you need to look at rejoining the workforce, even part time, and then he needs to take on more responsibilities for childcare and house work, to facilitate it.

Only when you’re in a slightly better position financially, can he spend more time on his pipe dream content-creator thing. But he simply cannot give up work to do it.

Is he already generating an income from it?
How old are your children?

He sounds very financially foolish though. He car and house would create vast savings. Is he particularly image conscious?

It's a fairly ridiculous plan, but providing hedoesnt put any more money in to it I'd just nod and smile.
Can you work evenings or weekends when he's home, bring in some extra cash?

@Jibberjabberhutt DS is 2 and I’m currently on universal credit and a zero hour contract (on the rare occasion I can find someone to watch over DS). I also clean for a bit of cash in hand which I know isn’t ideal, but I’d struggle more without. Most the time I’m a sahm.

How do you think your partner would behave/react if you told him you were looking to work part time and he needed to step up more to look after his own son and do more domestic tasks? How much childcare/house work does he do currently @Wazza89?

@Jibberjabberhutt yes he is image conscious. He wouldn’t drive an old car or live somewhere “rough”. It’s not a bad thing to want more from life but it’s all very well having those things on the surface but not being able to afford fuel for the month.

If you're entitled to universal credit you'd be entitled to help with childcare costs and 15 hours free childcare

@Jibberjabberhutt

He sounds very financially foolish though. He car and house would create vast savings. Is he particularly image conscious?

This. He's determined to live beyond his means and you are suffering because of it.

Have you sat down with all your income and outgoings and spelt it out for him? Do you have a good handle on where your money goes?

Having to borrow money to buy your children shoes because he can't be bothered to make sandwiches to bring to work is pretty irresponsible.

[quote Wazza89]@Jibberjabberhutt yes he is image conscious. He wouldn’t drive an old car or live somewhere “rough”. It’s not a bad thing to want more from life but it’s all very well having those things on the surface but not being able to afford fuel for the month.[/quote]
He needs to grow up, I’m afraid. Is he going to be receptive to any change? Is he as worried as you are? Or is he blind in his belief he’s going to make millions from creator-content? I can assure you (I work in the media) he won’t. Those who are ‘successful’ (it’s often an illusion) are almost never rags to riches, they’re in receipt of substantial leg ups in reality.

You get a full time job and he fits his content creation around looking after dc?

Isn't he even ashamed that he can have a games room but he can't afford to put shoes on his sons feet? If his mother is so supportive of his spendthrift ways, get her to pay for his sons shoes and the car service.

Good content creators don't need their own room. I watch and subscribe to several YouTubers who film in their bedrooms. If my DH wanted to try his hand and we had no money, I'd have no objection but he'd had to borrow equipment, etc. There'd be no budget for it. Whether he could achieve that or not would be up to him but I wouldn't be compromising on my children's welfare or on my financial health to help. Your DH is a Walter Mitty character but he has responsibilities and he needs to grow up.

Unfortunately people like him are unlikely to change so either you have to become more assertive and take charge of the finances or face the rest of your life living like this.

My friend and a sibling are both content creators full-time. They will both tell you they spent 5+ years doing it on the side alongside a full-time job until they were in a position earning enough to quit. Also, it's very stressful to stay relevant and unstable income. Not all it's cracked up to be.

He sounds very unrealistic and immature. I think you’re right, you should downsize the house-3 bedrooms is a luxury if you don’t need them for a child.

I wonder if the content creator pipe-dream is a red herring here. I sense you both know you've got cashflow issues, you're just approaching it in different ways and not necessarily hearing each other.

It sounds like there's something of a communication mismatch between you on it -- you want to talk saving money, he wants to talk making money.

(To be honest, I've always worked on the basis that increasing income is better than decreasing outgoings. But that's just my approach and it isn't always practical for everyone.)

If his car's on finance there'll be limitations on how and when he can wind up that finance agreement. If he's on a PCP or lease deal, he might have to wait a certain amount of time before the finance company would even consider terminating the agreement.

And moving would cost money, even if you downsized, right? Moving costs and so on. And the rental market right now is bonkers with very little on the market.

I mean, at one level, if he wants to try and do the content creator thing in his time outside of work, that is a matter for him. He's working five days a week and earning. So as long as he's pulling equal weight with you around the house, with his son, etc, can't he do that? (As long as it doesn't cost any more money for equipment etc.) 99% of content creators make mere buttons, but maybe he needs to experience that himself before he discounts it as a realistic option.

I think you need to futureproof yourself here. If he is an unrepentant fritterer you won't want to put up with that forever, and you might choose to exit the relationship. Or you might decide that the best way forward is to earn more yourself to balance the books. What was your career before you had your son? Can you use your SAHP time to upskill yourself, meaning you earn more when you do go back to work?

I know I should be promoting good communication… but honestly, if I had to get my mum to buy my toddler’s shoes, that is the point when all hell would have broken loose and there would have been the mother of all rows.

Being mismatched on approach to money is HUGE. That’s even when you’re not borrowing from your mum. Honestly, i couldn’t see a future with someone like that - I’d be looking for evening / weekend work, and building up (financially) to leaving him.

What would happen though, if you did just properly lose you shit with him and tell him that Meal Deals are not an option, etc?

its a dream. half of the people that try dont suceed, 1/4 get a little but not a lot and 1/4 get lucky enough that it works out for them