DH wants to be a content creator

[Wazza89]

DH and I are struggling for money. He works 5 days a week and I’m a SAHM (because childcare costs, etc). We never have enough money to go away and my mum has stepped in to lend us money for DS shoes when I can’t find anything secondhand. We BOTH have past debts and have been reckless with money pre having kids.

However, I feel there are ways to cut back. DH never brings food into work. He says he buys a Tesco meal deal which I understand isn’t exactly expensive, but still costs more than bringing food from home in. We have two cars between us and his is on finance. I’ve told him we can share mine (and I would even make him the registered keeper as he drives more than me), but he won’t consider it. We could also downsize the 3-bed house we rent, but he doesn’t really want to because the third room is his gaming room/man cave. He spends a lot of time in there streaming and making social media content. He says he wants to earn a full-time income doing what he loves (don’t we all?!) and has watched a lot of Gary V and other famous podcasters and YouTubers (self-made millionaires). He’s put a lot of money into business ventures that have never materialised and equipment for his social media stuff, etc. In the past, I’ve tried being supportive but now I’m at the end of my tether as I feel he is not being responsible or realistic. We’ve already had to borrow money this month to get his car serviced.

When I tried bringing it up the other day (very tactfully), he tried giving me a hug and telling me everything would be alright once DS is in school full-time and I go back to work. Other times it’s been when his latest project takes off, etc.

I know it’s the sunken cost fallacy but when I’ve snapped or not shown interest in his latest money making scheme, I’ve been told I’m not being supportive and he genuinely seemed gutted. His mother, on the other hand, is always incredibly supportive and tells him he can do anything he puts his mind to. Likes everything on his social media, etc! There’s nothing wrong with having ambition, but I wish he’d worry more about the now which I constantly am!

I'd also suggest to your DM that any money she wants to contribute to her GCs goes into a child savings ISA or similar, so it's protected for them, not subsidising throw-away parental luxuries.

He's a dreamer and his mum is his enabler.

I have the job and DH is the SAH. Even though we live in the middle of nowhere it was always a given that it would be one car, shopping at Lidl and DH would make pack lunches.

Yes a Tesco meal deal is only £3. But £3 every day adds up if you can't afford a car service and it's £2.95 more than a home made cheese sandwich.

And you could work in the evenings, if he's doing a day job.

I mean he might be confident, and there is a lot of saturation on social media, but he has basically no following; and there's plenty of people chasing the dream of making money from their social media... I come across a lot of them in my day job.

It's not reasonable for him to be putting so much time and effort into this while you're struggling. He can't veto what you need to do to pay the bills because he likes to live well; and then not offer any solutions...

I think it'd be worth sitting down and looking at figures and realistic plans. If being a content creator comes off in the meantime, great, you can remake them. But Gary V has the reputation he does for a reason - and while the man is interesting and knowledgeable, even more so in person, he didn't exactly follow the hustle plan he promotes... he inherited a company that was already profitable and grew it massively; sure, but he had the basics covered. Your husband doesn't. There's a world of difference between investing hours in making videos when you're making enough money to pay for everything; and spending hours making videos when you aren't.

It does sound like you might have to consider work options too; if you can't compromise on getting rid of some things, or you can't make the finances work in any other way. But that's a conversation to be had.

I can't believe that you are taking money from your mum to pay for things for your child when you are not working yourself. You say you feel bad, well, so you should. Go and get a job.

You say toddler not baby so I’m guessing 2 nearly 3. So you’ll get the 15hours free or soon. If you work you’ll get the 30 hours free. Everywhere in shops and warehousing are screaming for staff right now.

If you cannot afford to even buy a pair of second hand shoes you can’t afford to not work. UC will pay some towards childcare too

I'm kind of struggling to see all the hate the husband is getting here.
Yes, he is making some foolish choices (rent for the extra bedroom etc), but he's allowed a hobby. We all have dreams of turning our hobbies into money (I love reading and writing short stories, and would love to be the next JK Rowling ...). I know he sees it as a bit more than a hobby, but he's not giving up his job for it - he needs some downtime too.

However, you both need to make some financial changes - the second car isn't necessary (does he use his car to commute though. If so, and you only had one would you feel restricted in being at home with the toddler and no car everyday?). The spare bedroom isn't necessary right now. Maybe see if you can rent somewhere smaller, that enables you to give him his own area for his hobby? A two bed with a loft or garage maybe, that the landlord would allow you to make comfortable to use.
Your DH needs to make these sacrifices, but so do you too OP. You could get a part time job, around your husband's shifts. Many people reading this thread would love to be SAHMs, but can't due to various reasons (including financial). I don't mean to be harsh, but it doesn't seem like your current financial situation really allows you the full time luxury.

[quote Wazza89]@Jibberjabberhutt yes he is image conscious. He wouldn’t drive an old car or live somewhere “rough”. It’s not a bad thing to want more from life but it’s all very well having those things on the surface but not being able to afford fuel for the month.[/quote]
Yeah I know a lot of people like this. Flash car, latest designer gear but can’t afford day to day basics. It’s really sad, it’s all about outward appearances.

One of the execs in the company I work for drives in in an old Volvo estate that has seen better days, so it’s ridiculous to judge people in their (appearance if) outer wealth

@itsgoodtobehome

I can't believe that you are taking money from your mum to pay for things for your child when you are not working yourself. You say you feel bad, well, so you should. Go and get a job.

Aren’t these comments bizarre? I mean how dare he pay a whole £3 for a discounted Tesco meal during his working day. And how dare he want to keep his car instead of going on the op’s insurance (because of course she she get to keep hers)! The op may not be living a life of luxury, but she a kept woman thanks to the courtesy of her husband, she’s claiming universal credit whilst committing tax fraud, and to top it all off she’s also sponging off her mum. Anything to get out of her actually doing a bit of work. And now she’s on here complaining about her husband trying to make cash out of his hobby, presumably so she allows him to actually keep his house and car 🙄

@Winniemarysarah his car is on finance, hers is owned outright. Which one is more likely to deliver a saving, if given up?

@MintJulia

It's really simple. He has rich man's tastes and poor man's pockets. He needs to get a full time job now, and do his content creation on the side. He is no kind of father at all if he would rather his children go without shoes. And he seems to be relying on you keeping him in future.

He can't afford his lifestyle. You can't afford him. Something has to change. Time for a serious ultimatum.

His rich man’s lifestyle of a tesco meal deal for his lunch?

Another batshit thread

OP you need to get a job

I couldn’t be doing with this to be honest. He sounds totally childish and unwilling to live a realistic life. But then I’ve met a lot of people who insist they want to be an influencer and every time I think ‘okay good luck with that.’

For every famous mega millions influencer there’s a million people posting videos and pictures nobody cares about. I think I’d understand a teenager with this type of mentality but not a grown up.

And what will happen when your son qualifies for childcare and you return to work? Will he then quit and become an ‘influencer’ eg sit in his gaming room? I wouldn’t be happy with that. Yes he’s been supporting you, but presumably you both agreed to have a child.

And finally, I wouldn’t leave a proper job for something like this until it was proven. You want to be an influencer? Great, start making videos around and after work. When you’ve built up a huge following and are making money then quit your day job.

Also to those bashing op she has explained that they can’t afford childcare and she does work (zero hour contract) when she can. It isn’t that easy to just ‘get a job’ with a small child and no childcare.

If he builds it as a side business after he's done family duties and it starts to make money great.... But he shouldn't do this over his main income that would be crazy. If you're broke can you not do some weekend type work? How old are your kids?

I don't think its a bad idea to try and make a side business out of something he enjoys whilst working fulltime. Unless there are significant costs to come through (forget the costs already spent) then I think the discussion should not be about that but the current family finances, both incomings and outgoings. Start by really analysing where it is all going, it helps by seeing the facts in b/w then you should be able to have a proper discussion

[quote Wazza89]@LucentBlade he has a 360 followers on twitch and over a thousand on Instagram. He’s very confident on social media but it’s such a saturated market it’s hard to earn an income from it![/quote]
That's not many instagram followers unfortunately. My house has over 1,300 followers and I rarely update the account (I set it up to track out work on the house, not as an effort to earn money).

Oh sorry i didnt see your update. Will you work when the free hours kick in?

Although I would want to sit DH down and look at your budget - why is your mum having to pay for shoes and necessities if you have money for social media equipment etc? You shouldn’t be on the total breadline like that even on one wage, so I would wonder if you’re budgeting well and making the most of your money.

honestly, I would make sure my contraception was on lockdown and start thinking aobut how to exit the relationship.

It's pathetic that he isn't willing to make cut backs when he is a father. I couldn't respect it or stay married to it.

[quote Cocomarine]@Winniemarysarah his car is on finance, hers is owned outright. Which one is more likely to deliver a saving, if given up?[/quote]
The cars on finance so what do you think he’s meant to do with it? They won’t take it back and it won’t have the resale value of the cost he’s agreed to pay for it. He’ll lose a shit load of money. Also her partners car (according to her) is a newer model and hers is an old inherited car so
its likely more reliable with less maintenance costs. She also says he drives more than her so he needs his more. He is also paying for his own car payments and insurance. The op is making her mum pay for hers. Why should he give up his car that he’s bought and working to fund himself (and presumably needs to get to work) so he can go on the op’s insurance so she can keep hers? Imagine if this was the other way round? ‘I’m a mum working a full time job, my partner is sat at home and refusing to work because we have a child, even though he’s claiming universal credit so is perhaps entitled to childcare vouchers, or he could get a job around my shifts. Now I’ve bought a good, reliable car on finance which I drive a lot and it’s all paid for out of my wages (as are all out rent, bills and food costs). But my partners recently inherited a car which he doesn’t even need. We can’t afford it so he’s making his mum pay for his insurance costs on it. He wants me to give up my car which I need for work and tied into a contract for, and go on his insurance of the car his deceased relative gave him’. The answers on here would be very different. I’m wondering if she wants his partner on her insurance because she knows he’ll end up covering her costs as well seeing as her mums had a guts full of her taking money off her

I don't think being a SAHM is feasible for you. You say the childcare costs don't allow anything else but a husband with no money management skills, a poor business track record and the inability to buy shoes for his child doesn't allow it either.

OP, I feel for your situation but you really need to speak up to him and demand he manage the money better or turn it over to you. Demand he make some sacrifices. It is your money as well since you're married. As a side note, the content creators I personally know also work full time, are able to pay their bills with their job, and doing content creation is a hobby for them.

Unless there's abuse/violence/extreme fear, I never understand why women allow their husbands to do things like this and not put their foot down. He's not a single bachelor, he's a married man with kids and needs to start acting that way. It must be so frustrating for your mother who has to keep supporting her grown daughter and SIL. At some point, she will say no more. I know I would if money troubles were caused by a situation like this.

OP, you really should look into getting a job when he's home and can stay with his kids. Whatever you earn, put in a separate account that can't be spent on frivolous things. Tell him that you expect him to start making some sacrifices until your financial status is better. Hell, I don't like bringing my food to work I prefer ordering with my coworkers, but I do because I'm not a child who needs a happy meal. I want to save my family money.

Honestly tho, I'm sure he was like this before too and I know we let love override our red flag detector. At this point, if he refuses to listen and change for the betterment of his family, you have some thinking to do. I could not stay married to a man who put his wild dreams above me and the kids to the point where family had to pay for my kids necessities.

Part of a healthy, loving marriage is when a spouse is able to listen to valid criticism of something and they make the change. When you talk to him about this, does he make any changes at all? Or is it just brushed off because your mother will pick up his slack?

If he means Youtube, there isn't proper money to be made there anymore. Even if you are very good at it, it would take years to build up enough subbers to make any money. Also, video editing before uploading takes forever, and people expect good production these days.

As a hobby - ok, but it will take a lot of his time up
As a money maker - if he doesn't already have a Youtube channel with 10,000 subs to jump off from, forget it.

Look at the social blade website, which tells you what youtubers make.

Glad to see some people are seeing the true story here.

He works and provides financially, whilst trying out a side hustle. Imagine if roles were reversed and a woman was providing financially and working from., husband didn't work 'cos of childcare costs'. Then husband would be moaning at wife starting a side business.

Then complaining that she buys £3 Tesco lunch.

I just thought of something else, not sure if OP already covered it or not.

But why can't you just take the money out of the account yourself for the things your kids need? As soon as payroll hits the account, take what you need right away and buy things for your kids. Would that cause an issue if you did that? Would he get mad? If the answer to those questions are yes, then you have some serious problems here and need to start looking at other options without your husband.