DH wants to be a content creator

[Wazza89]

DH and I are struggling for money. He works 5 days a week and I’m a SAHM (because childcare costs, etc). We never have enough money to go away and my mum has stepped in to lend us money for DS shoes when I can’t find anything secondhand. We BOTH have past debts and have been reckless with money pre having kids.

However, I feel there are ways to cut back. DH never brings food into work. He says he buys a Tesco meal deal which I understand isn’t exactly expensive, but still costs more than bringing food from home in. We have two cars between us and his is on finance. I’ve told him we can share mine (and I would even make him the registered keeper as he drives more than me), but he won’t consider it. We could also downsize the 3-bed house we rent, but he doesn’t really want to because the third room is his gaming room/man cave. He spends a lot of time in there streaming and making social media content. He says he wants to earn a full-time income doing what he loves (don’t we all?!) and has watched a lot of Gary V and other famous podcasters and YouTubers (self-made millionaires). He’s put a lot of money into business ventures that have never materialised and equipment for his social media stuff, etc. In the past, I’ve tried being supportive but now I’m at the end of my tether as I feel he is not being responsible or realistic. We’ve already had to borrow money this month to get his car serviced.

When I tried bringing it up the other day (very tactfully), he tried giving me a hug and telling me everything would be alright once DS is in school full-time and I go back to work. Other times it’s been when his latest project takes off, etc.

I know it’s the sunken cost fallacy but when I’ve snapped or not shown interest in his latest money making scheme, I’ve been told I’m not being supportive and he genuinely seemed gutted. His mother, on the other hand, is always incredibly supportive and tells him he can do anything he puts his mind to. Likes everything on his social media, etc! There’s nothing wrong with having ambition, but I wish he’d worry more about the now which I constantly am!

@Winniemarysarah we both agree that the OP should be working!

But OP hasn’t said her car is old, only that she inherited it. Last person I knew who “inherited” a car (from a grandparent who stopped driving) they got a 2 year old car! She said he didn’t want to drive an “old car” but some people think anything more than 3 years is old 🤷🏻‍♀️ His car is on finance and OP says status is important to him - so there’s a fair chance that’s a fairly new car. You are right that giving up a car on finance can mean a loss - but that’s not quantified here, and it may still be financially the better option in choosing one car.

Personally, I’d want to cost out selling the inherited one to clear the debts they both have. Debt repayments eat income.

I think we both have the same view that OP needs to go back to full time work, regardless if the net gain as a household after childcare is low. I think where we disagree is whether OP is taking the piss now!

My ex also wanted to be a content creator, and I was often told how unsupportive I was when I suggested that he needed to have some other plan to go alongside doing it as a hobby. He was also such a twat that he couldn't even be bothered to really try at the content creating - says something when you can't even be fucked to do the work of streaming yourself playing a video game

To my mind, it's a kind of narcissism, this idea that tens of thousands of people would want to watch you play a game, when you don't bring anything to it that some other person isn't already doing, when you don't want to put the work in, and when working normal jobs and making normal compromises is beneath you. That's for the little people but they're destined for something bigger, is the feeling it gives me.

@Cocomarine we both agree that the OP should be working!'

Well you didn't agree just earlier - you said 'OP brings in the income already'

@lousanne

Glad to see some people are seeing the true story here.

He works and provides financially, whilst trying out a side hustle. Imagine if roles were reversed and a woman was providing financially and working from., husband didn't work 'cos of childcare costs'. Then husband would be moaning at wife starting a side business.

Then complaining that she buys £3 Tesco lunch.

We don't need to "imagine" the obligatory pointless gender reversal. It takes enough imagination to think of this guy living within his means and providing shoes for his kid.

Imagine!

@Pascal80

If he means Youtube, there isn't proper money to be made there anymore. Even if you are very good at it, it would take years to build up enough subbers to make any money. Also, video editing before uploading takes forever, and people expect good production these days.

As a hobby - ok, but it will take a lot of his time up
As a money maker - if he doesn't already have a Youtube channel with 10,000 subs to jump off from, forget it.

Look at the social blade website, which tells you what youtubers make.

This is another thing. Obviously there are some YouTubers who make good money but they’re the tiny tiny minority - also I think for the really big ones it’s a young man’s/young woman’s game.

That’s not me being ageist, just noticed quite a few YouTubers talk about this and try to move away from YouTube as they get older. Especially if you’re doing a certain type of video, I think it loses its charm/interest as your audience grows up and out of it. That may not make much sense as I wasn’t sure how to word it!

People are dismissing childcare costs like they are nothing.
There are two types of sahp - those whose spouse earns enough so that it’s a genuine family choice for one parent to sah and the other type where the second income would be totally eaten up (and then some) by childcare fees.
OP is trying to work around her husband, but she cannot work while he is at work or presumably when he is tinkering on his hobby.
Sometimes it’s not enough to be working full time - you also have to reduce spending in other areas. OP is trying, the DH is not.
£3 per day on meal deals would buy his don shoes in 2 weeks. It’s horrible but if they can’t afford for him to do it then they can’t afford it. Same with a leased car - it’s great to have but only if you can afford petrol to put in it!

@DrSbaitso 'this guy living within his means and providing shoes for his kid'.

He provides food, bills, and roof over their heads. What does she provide aside childcare?

She needs to get a job.

[quote lousanne]**@Cocomarine we both agree that the OP should be working!'

Well you didn't agree just earlier - you said 'OP brings in the income already'[/quote]
@lousanne check out my first page reply to OP at 15:17 where I suggested weekend and evening working 🤷🏻‍♀️

How does correcting you for thinking that OP didn’t work (she does - occasional work from a zero hours contract and cash in hand cleaning) equate to me saying she shouldn’t work?

I think you’re a bit confused there 🤣

OP should work more hours in my opinion, which I’ve given here. But I disagree with those who think she’s taking the piss currently. She’s not the one splashing out money on “side hustles” whilst they can’t afford shoes for their toddler. I think it’s a great idea to have a go at the content provider plan. But I don’t think it’s a good idea to let it soak up money (a) because it doesn’t actually need much, to test it out and (b) because they haven’t got it to spend.

@Aderyn21 'the other type where the second income would be totally eaten up by childcare'.

For now it might get eaten up. If OP keeps working she will get more experience potentially leading to pay rise and/or promotions.

Very easy to sit and say 'my salary would go on childcare' but the fact is they can't afford to have a SAHP. She needs to work, or study, or retrain.

[quote Wazza89]@LucentBlade he has a 360 followers on twitch and over a thousand on Instagram. He’s very confident on social media but it’s such a saturated market it’s hard to earn an income from it![/quote]
I am sorry OP but that is absolute peanuts. He needs a reality check.

I'm afraid I'm with others here, he sounds like a bit of a tool and wants to live beyond his means (though to be fair, 3 quid tesco meal deals isn't exactly wildly extravagant). But just because he is really crap about money doesn't mean you're not also a bit crap. Taking money off your mother for essentials for no good reason - where you have capacity to earn - is embarrassing and needs to stop.

I’m 15,000 on Instagram and have made £0 😂
Unless he’s got a unique angle or has a massive following he’s not going to make job replacement money. A few low value freebies at best.

@Dixiechickonhols

I’m 15,000 on Instagram and have made £0 😂 Unless he’s got a unique angle or has a massive following he’s not going to make job replacement money. A few low value freebies at best.

Well if the freebies are children’s shoes… 🤨

@Cocomarine
-me: she should get a job.
-you: she brings in an income. Also you:
how does that equate me saying she shouldn't work?

[quote lousanne]@Aderyn21 'the other type where the second income would be totally eaten up by childcare'.

For now it might get eaten up. If OP keeps working she will get more experience potentially leading to pay rise and/or promotions.

Very easy to sit and say 'my salary would go on childcare' but the fact is they can't afford to have a SAHP. She needs to work, or study, or retrain. [/quote]
People say this like it’s so easy, but there is a huge issue.

OP is doing all the childcare at the moment. If she went for a job (and jobs that fit with nursery hours, no overtime or evenings are gold dust) she would then need to organise somehow affording childcare that would cost more than she would make. Yes it would lead to future progression but how will she manage now?

And studying? I work, my husband works, I have supportive in laws who help, all my kids are school age, and I still find studying a huge struggle. Universities and colleges (in my experience) aren’t set up to accommodate mums with kids. No way could I have done it with a toddler and no childcare.

I wonder if he has any real idea of the time needed to make a new business successful, never mind the cost. I've spent the last 16 years advising entrepreneurs, and most don't understand this.

As you've already seen, the social media market is pretty crowded. He needs to do some in-depth research to find a unique niche, and be prepared to really graft. He shouldn't give up his day job until you can work AND his business has some serious signs of success.

Apart from watching his fave content creators onYouTube, what has he actually done about his ambition to become one?

Does he have the right credentials, what skills does he need to gain or sharpen, is he applying for jobs or writing a business plan, does he have a mentor, or contacts in the indusrty?

If the answer to any of those q's is "no", then it's just a pipe dream like all his other failed ventures.

Sounds like he fancies the notion of sitting in his mancave playing with video, while money mysteriously appears.

When do you see yourself getting back to work? What are your own career plans?

I have one like that who dreams about making it as a YouTuber. But he's 7.

OPs husband spends money on his content creation equipment and ventures that never took off, a flashy car and a house they can't afford, and his son doesn't have a pair of shoes. Because he will be making his 1000 insta followers (after I assume several years) into a full time career?

And says it will be all fine when OP goes back to work - I bet he will quit his job to be a full time youtuber the second she does.

@Kanaloa 'Universities and colleges (in my experience) aren’t set up to accommodate mums with kids'.

Sorry that's nonsense. I worked full time and started a Bachelor in mid-30s (full time as well....), with a baby. Online degrees are doable and I did placements during my annual leave given by my full time job. Lot of mums in my degree.

It's bizarre, people saying OP isn't working... she's raising the kids. Surely mumsnet of all places isn't going to downplay reproductive labour.

Anyway to the matter in hand, the point is they're living month to month if they have to borrow for surprise expenses, while the chap is sinking money on hobbyist gear. It's like all those people who fill their house with amps and synthesisers but never end up releasing any music. Like bands, many of the most successful content creators started with cheap things to hand (a phone camera) as fundamentally it's the content that people like, production value is second.

If it were me, I would work with him to make a business plan, taking in expenses and projected revenue...

[quote lousanne]@Kanaloa 'Universities and colleges (in my experience) aren’t set up to accommodate mums with kids'.

Sorry that's nonsense. I worked full time and started a Bachelor in mid-30s (full time as well....), with a baby. Online degrees are doable and I did placements during my annual leave given by my full time job. Lot of mums in my degree.
[/quote]
Online degrees are doable, so my experience of difficulty as a mature student is ‘nonsense?’ I’m glad your experience of an online degree with a baby is the standard.

Perhaps if you do an online degree it’s doable, but it’s still not easy. And many people would rather do a degree in university.

He is probably not going to change, and you won't be able to change him without him resenting you.

So I see there are 3 options:

1. You suck it up and carry on as you are;
2. You go back to work when he isn't working so has DC(s)
3. You decide he isn't for you and you are going to break the cycle.

I'm sorry to be so stark about it but personally I wouldn't be able to carry on my life with someone who didn't want to cut outgoings whilst not earning as much as they could (by doing a business that is very difficult to get off the ground and shaky at best).

Online degree is the same bachelor degree as attending it in person @Kanaloa ?

I needed a bachelor in the field I wanted to retrain in. So I did it but only online as I also had to work FT to make money.

How is it any different to a student attending a campus? Perfect for mature students, FT, workers, mums.

[quote lousanne]@Cocomarine
-me: she should get a job.
-you: she brings in an income. Also you:
how does that equate me saying she shouldn't work?

[/quote]
Except it wasn’t:

You: she should get a job
Me: she does bring in an income

It was:

You: “but you're not even bringing in any income yourself.” (that’s a quotation not a paraphrase)
Me: she does

So, we agree she should get a job. As in, a job with more hours and consistent hours - she actually already has two sources of earned income, the cleaning and the zero hours contract.

But I don’t agree with you that she’s not bringing in any income now. Because… that’s not true! 🤣

I’m not sure some of these comments are totally fair. Lots of us have advised she look for work to earn her own money, assuming her husband will actually pull his weight and doesn’t demand all his free time to himself to pursue his pipe dream.

Also nursery costs can sometimes outweigh earning potential if you’re working part time and have been out of the market for a long time. There’s a good chance she will need him to step up in order to be able to work. Based on what I’ve read, that doesn’t sound hopeful.

Still, not sure hammering the OP and throwing around phrases like ‘tax fraud’ is helpful here.