DH wants to be a content creator

[Wazza89]

DH and I are struggling for money. He works 5 days a week and I’m a SAHM (because childcare costs, etc). We never have enough money to go away and my mum has stepped in to lend us money for DS shoes when I can’t find anything secondhand. We BOTH have past debts and have been reckless with money pre having kids.

However, I feel there are ways to cut back. DH never brings food into work. He says he buys a Tesco meal deal which I understand isn’t exactly expensive, but still costs more than bringing food from home in. We have two cars between us and his is on finance. I’ve told him we can share mine (and I would even make him the registered keeper as he drives more than me), but he won’t consider it. We could also downsize the 3-bed house we rent, but he doesn’t really want to because the third room is his gaming room/man cave. He spends a lot of time in there streaming and making social media content. He says he wants to earn a full-time income doing what he loves (don’t we all?!) and has watched a lot of Gary V and other famous podcasters and YouTubers (self-made millionaires). He’s put a lot of money into business ventures that have never materialised and equipment for his social media stuff, etc. In the past, I’ve tried being supportive but now I’m at the end of my tether as I feel he is not being responsible or realistic. We’ve already had to borrow money this month to get his car serviced.

When I tried bringing it up the other day (very tactfully), he tried giving me a hug and telling me everything would be alright once DS is in school full-time and I go back to work. Other times it’s been when his latest project takes off, etc.

I know it’s the sunken cost fallacy but when I’ve snapped or not shown interest in his latest money making scheme, I’ve been told I’m not being supportive and he genuinely seemed gutted. His mother, on the other hand, is always incredibly supportive and tells him he can do anything he puts his mind to. Likes everything on his social media, etc! There’s nothing wrong with having ambition, but I wish he’d worry more about the now which I constantly am!

I put YABU but only because you’re putting up with this ridiculous man child. It will not be easier once your child is at school - finding hours that fit perfectly around school isn’t easy, and I’d be willing to bet he won’t help. Have my first ever LTB. I think you’d be better off on your own.

If you don't have any skills or education, what are you doing about it? Study online? Training?

All the best op, it seems it's a difficult market

Stop borrowing money for you DH.

Unless it’s something you or the kids directly need and you have no other choice just don’t do it. What will he do when he can’t get his car serviced, put petrol in it or buy his Tesco meal deal every day? Maybe his mum would be less supportive if she was having to lend him money to live constantly.

If you can't rely on your DH then being a SAHP is something you can't afford. Did you work before, do you have any qualifications?

I think you have to push really hard to get back into work yourself, preferably after some training. Your DH can be responsible out of his work hours for your DC whilst you study evenings and weekends.

@lousanne they’re not a team, that’s why OP is posting. And she does bring money in too.

He sounds very immature. He’s willing to make you all struggle more than you need to by refusing reasonable cutbacks because of his poor self-image. If he wants to be a content creator then he can try but in the meantime he needs to actually earn money and also cut his cloth according to his income.

I also think it’s really unwise to leave him as the sole breadwinner because he’s clearly got no financial responsibility and the attitude towards a career akin to that of a teenager. You need to take some control here - why is he able to veto the getting rid of a car or moving to a more affordable house?

Is he good at content creation? Is he funny? Interesting? Streaming wise you can make good money but there is only so much space to go around, we can't all be CallMeKevin.

I read this with interest as my SIL is doing Patreon full time. Are the odds similarly low like with YouTubers? I thinks she earns a few hundred quid a month.

@CouldIhaveaword I completely agree. I didn’t pay anything for my car it was inherited and my mum gave me money to pay the next four months’ insurance (purely because DH didn’t want me on his as I hadn’t driven for long he was worried). She ‘s also bought me household appliances, DS shoes, etc. She had hinted she can’t afford to keep this going and I feel bad!

How long has he been streaming for? I streamed for about three weeks and had almost a hundred followers. I just checked twitch, looked at Njnja who will be a streamer who people are more likely to have heard of even if they don’t watch and he is being watched by 5.6k people currently. Have seen streams where 25k are watching. These are the people that make an actual living and they are very few and far between. He needs a reality check.

she does bring money in too.
@Cocomarine

Not enough to even dress the children. Something has to change, from both of them.

Honestly OP I think you need to get back into the workforce full time and become independent of him.

I am not necessarily saying leave him now but protect yourself.

Make sure that he is putting a fair amount of his wages into an account for bills and family expenses. I would suggest telling him that he needs to continue contributing that so needs to build his business up alongside full time employment then reduce his hours gradually as the business builds.

Don't dismiss his idea entirely just make it clear that it is either a hobby, or a side hustle or it pays its way.

For stuff like lunch spends I would suggest this comes out of his spending money not family money so if he wants to buy lunch fine but it means he spends less on something else rather than impacting family money.

[quote Wazza89]@CouldIhaveaword I completely agree. I didn’t pay anything for my car it was inherited and my mum gave me money to pay the next four months’ insurance (purely because DH didn’t want me on his as I hadn’t driven for long he was worried). She ‘s also bought me household appliances, DS shoes, etc. She had hinted she can’t afford to keep this going and I feel bad![/quote]
Well you should feel bad!

Put your mum and husband in a WhatsApp group with you. Send messages like this:

“Hi mum, husband is buying shoes for son this week, so can you buy his Tesco meal deals this week please”

Obviously not a serious suggestion, but this is what you are asking her to do!!!

Every time she pays for something that you both think is essential for your family, it’s just moving money around - what she’s actually doing in giving him her money to piss up a wall.

You need to stop taking from her, because until you do, you won’t say to him, “we can’t afford that” and mean it.

I feel stressed reading your OP.

Ultimately, I wouldn't be able to live with and entrust my and my children's future, in part, to someone with such very different financial attitudes to my own. Your lack of control over your own financial security and your future as a family will kill this relationship.

He sounds like a teenager and his mum the parent of one. He's a man now, a father and he needs to grow up and behave like one.

If he wants to mess around streaming gaming, great but that's a hobby.

The mistake nitwits like him make, is to get this stuff the wrong way around. You can grow your hobby, achieve success along the way, to a point that it becomes viable as a business. You cannot just create a business out of enjoying your hobby, before you've become successful.

Your family cannot afford any financial 'risk' whilst you're paying debts and struggling. He should be putting off his plans until you are both on an income and can budget an amount for his hobby, which is all it is.

I’ve just realised I’ve completely misread your post. So he does actually have a full time job and pays all the rent, bills, groceries and 2 cars? And you do nothing because you’ve got one toddler? I think the YouTube thing is a red herring here. People have read that, it’s go there backs up because you’ve made him sound like an immature bum with no job. But he has got a full time job, and it looks like he’s trying to get another (unrealistic) money scheme going on top of it to bring in even more money because you won’t work. My partner works full time days and I work my hours round him. Jobs I’ve worked in the last 15 years include evening cleaning shifts, hospitality/bar work, evening shifts in junkyard golf place, night carer, and I’m now a night support worker in assisted accommodation. I can’t believe you’re blaming him for your mum having to put shoes on your kids feet instead of getting a job yourself, let alone complaining he’s ‘wasting’ money on cheap Tesco meal deals during his shifts, or the fact that he doesn’t want to give up his car or home he’s worked so hard for. Get off your lazy behind op and get a job!

It's really simple. He has rich man's tastes and poor man's pockets.
He needs to get a full time job now, and do his content creation on the side. He is no kind of father at all if he would rather his children go without shoes. And he seems to be relying on you keeping him in future.

He can't afford his lifestyle. You can't afford him. Something has to change. Time for a serious ultimatum.

Why can't he get a better paid job and do social media on the side or hobby?
Your going to dig yourself a very big hole unless you both agree to cut down and be more realistic. Very worrying behaviour.

I'd suggest you go to see a debt advisor, someone at CAB or similar, so you both have to lay down all the sorry details and let someone else point out the potential savings and the absurdity of the current situation.

You could also use different accounts for money for the DCs' stuff, so that's protected, then one for bills and groceries, then another for discretionary spending (lunches out, hobbies etc). Then he'll be able to see with his own eyes that the money for what he wants just isn't there.

A meal deal is what £3.50? Whereas making sandwiches, a drink in a water bottle / flask, crisps from a multipack and an apple is what, about 75p?

Supermarket meal deals and similar convenience foods are for people who are cash rich, time poor. Your family is not that. You are the opposite, time rich, cash poor.

[quote Wazza89]@LucentBlade he has a 360 followers on twitch and over a thousand on Instagram. He’s very confident on social media but it’s such a saturated market it’s hard to earn an income from it![/quote]
That's barely anything. That's literally a drop in the ocean. He's not being realistic at all. It's different to do it as a hobby, but right now your in the shit and your mum is effectively paying for his meal deals at work every day. It's disrespectful to your mum.
Could you not go part time around your husbands job?

@ChristmasScrooge

Why can't he get a better paid job and do social media on the side or hobby? Your going to dig yourself a very big hole unless you both agree to cut down and be more realistic. Very worrying behaviour.

Why can’t the op get a job?

A while ago there was a huge leak of all the Twitch streamers earnings. While a few were millionaires, I was shocked how little some of them earned. One of my favourite steamers, a funny, quirky guy who spends hours on there each day and always has loads of people watching him and chatting, was only making about $800 a month.

You need to be able to build a brand and offer something niche that nobody else is doing. There are thousands of British blokes out there filming themselves playing Call of Duty. Unless you’re exceptionally talented or funny or doing something unique, nobody will care. You also need to be on social media 24/7 promoting yourself and creating premium content for subscribers. It’s not as easy as sitting on your arse playing games all day.

But I doubt you’ll be able to get this through his skull, so I suggest focusing on building a career for yourself, in case you need to live on your own income in the future.

@3scape

Your family cannot afford any financial 'risk' whilst you're paying debts and struggling. He should be putting off his plans until you are both on an income and can budget an amount for his hobby, which is all it is.

I'm just gonna put it out there that claiming UC and working cash in hand like OP is puts them at greater financial risk than his hobby does.

If you can’t afford shoes for your DS you can’t afford to be a SAHM.