DH wants to be a content creator

[Wazza89]

DH and I are struggling for money. He works 5 days a week and I’m a SAHM (because childcare costs, etc). We never have enough money to go away and my mum has stepped in to lend us money for DS shoes when I can’t find anything secondhand. We BOTH have past debts and have been reckless with money pre having kids.

However, I feel there are ways to cut back. DH never brings food into work. He says he buys a Tesco meal deal which I understand isn’t exactly expensive, but still costs more than bringing food from home in. We have two cars between us and his is on finance. I’ve told him we can share mine (and I would even make him the registered keeper as he drives more than me), but he won’t consider it. We could also downsize the 3-bed house we rent, but he doesn’t really want to because the third room is his gaming room/man cave. He spends a lot of time in there streaming and making social media content. He says he wants to earn a full-time income doing what he loves (don’t we all?!) and has watched a lot of Gary V and other famous podcasters and YouTubers (self-made millionaires). He’s put a lot of money into business ventures that have never materialised and equipment for his social media stuff, etc. In the past, I’ve tried being supportive but now I’m at the end of my tether as I feel he is not being responsible or realistic. We’ve already had to borrow money this month to get his car serviced.

When I tried bringing it up the other day (very tactfully), he tried giving me a hug and telling me everything would be alright once DS is in school full-time and I go back to work. Other times it’s been when his latest project takes off, etc.

I know it’s the sunken cost fallacy but when I’ve snapped or not shown interest in his latest money making scheme, I’ve been told I’m not being supportive and he genuinely seemed gutted. His mother, on the other hand, is always incredibly supportive and tells him he can do anything he puts his mind to. Likes everything on his social media, etc! There’s nothing wrong with having ambition, but I wish he’d worry more about the now which I constantly am!

I wonder if his future plan is for you to work full time outside the house while he tries to make a million on the internet?

@Kuachui

its a dream. half of the people that try dont suceed, 1/4 get a little but not a lot and 1/4 get lucky enough that it works out for them

Not even one-quarter. Only about 0.25% of YouTube channels actually make any money at all.

I couldn’t be bothered with somebody who insists on a third bedroom, second car and a meal deal - we have plenty here and we don’t piss money away like that

I had a manchild like that once and I left him in the end

You are married to a child! I’d ltb / you’d honestly be better off without him doubling money up the wall. But failing that, go back to work asap and keep your money separate - no subsidising his indulgent hobby or his share of household bills.
And if you can, get his mum to top up your income - maybe she’d be less indulgent if she had to buy your don shoes and put petrol in the car!

You're not his mum, to be bigging him up, encouraging his vague plans, you're the mother of his DC and dependent on his earnings!

Ask him to write a business plan with projected costings and waymarkers on a timeline. Have him use a week's holiday to do a trial run and look at the content he creates and the responses within that week. He needs to convince you to back him, so he needs to go all out. Keep checking whether he's working or just gaming.

If he won't sacrifice a week, he's not serious and doesn't earn your support.

There's ambition and there's living in cloud cuckoo land.

He's hanging on until you can go back to work and earn the money and be the grown up so he can be a twat on YouTube .
🙄

So he’s happy to be pissing your money up the wall while your mums forking out for school shoes for your child? How many years have you been carrying his load as well as yours? I don’t think this is workable tbh. He’s never going to change from the arrogant, pathetic twat that he is.

He sounds like a useless man child who needs to face the real world TBH.

I used to be married to someone like that. It was always my fault that we didn't have enough money because I wasn't supportive enough about his wild ideas and only worked part time around the children (pre nursery hours, so I did evenings) Funnily enough, after we separated, his finances nosedived despite getting an equal share in the equity of our home and paying minimal child support. And he rarely bothered to see the children so he couldn't blame them either.
Meanwhile I have flourished as I've been able to make my own more sensible decisions.
I'm not saying LTB but I am saying have a good think about not letting him convince you that you're not 'believing' in him enough.
Good luck

Maybe he should think about creating some content around how he's going to dig himself out of a debt hole and live well providing for his family within his means, and still look good.

Lots of people would be interested.

Oh god! A friend was married to one of those. Comfortable middle class background; had to shop at Waitrose and had to drive a BMW (2nd hand was a huge compromise) to fit in with his footy mates who drove decent cars.

They borrowed money off her hardworking mother for a deposit. He wasn't overly enamoured of hard work either and found a modest commute very stressful.

I've no time for this. I have a very comfortable middle class background and for various reasons was retraining and very low income around at around aged 40. I went without any car for 15 months and used bike, bus and legs to commute and I've never shopped regularly at Waitrose; I can't stomach the prices!

He needs to grow up but it sounds like he has been enabled by his mum. Time for a reality check.

I think you need to be more assertive here

Tell him he has a choice:

Reduce outgoings
or
Childcare in evenings and weekends while you work PT

Everyone is crying out for staff right now, you should be able to work more hours

I think instead all the things your husband can stop doing ie buying a tesco meal deal or using your car, how about YOU look for a job outwith your husbands hours? Makes more sense to me

I used to be married to someone like that. It was always my fault that we didn't have enough money because I wasn't supportive enough about his wild ideas and only worked part time around the children (pre nursery hours, so I did evenings) Funnily enough, after we separated, his finances nosedived despite getting an equal share in the equity of our home and paying minimal child support. And he rarely bothered to see the children so he couldn't blame them either.
Meanwhile I have flourished as I've been able to make my own more sensible decisions.
I'm not saying LTB but I am saying have a good think about not letting him convince you that you're not 'believing' in him enough.
Good luck flowers

Exactly my experience too.
Exh about to lose grandiose rental home with nowhere to go and i am more financially secure and comfotable than i have ever been. He needs to get specialist removers to take away the hand crafted skate park he made in an outhouse, intending to become a millionaire and make more in his spare time..

DS has been making YouTube videos for fun since he was about 15. He has a few hundred followers. Never earned anything. Do you know very much about streaming?

I streamed for fun and for charity but got harassed, ah being a woman in gaming is hard. DM me his twitch/ YouTube name and I will have a look and see how many followers he has. I know one streamer who makes an ok living. The guy is seriously gifted and was number one stats wise at one point in the game that I play. I knew him before he was well known. The really big names will have thousands of people watching. He gets followers because he helps people in game in the PVP mode. Online games have trackers that tell you the stats of each player. If he is doing PVP he will be under intense scrutiny.

How much do you both owe?

He sounds as though he's all talk, to be honest. People making money like that are working incredibly hard. He only wants that car for his own ego. He's prioritising his ego over his debts and the family's finances.

Two cars (not old), man cave, debt from reckless youth, renting in good area...but second hand shoes for your two year old?

You are both being unreasonable. Get a weekend job and he can do some childcare.

It’s a nice hobby to have but you need to be far more assertive with him, he isn’t going to be making a living from it.

If he refuses to live within his means now, and is too materialistic to lower his standard of living when you need him to. Do you think this would improve if he did actually make it with streaming? Or do you think he would go the other way, and spend all of his earnings on more expensive stuff?

Have you tried explaining that if you did downsize and share the car etc. That he would actually be able to live how he wants more comfortably? Or is the struggle more on you and he just floats through life with you carrying him so he doesn't see the problem the same way as you do.

@LucentBlade he has a 360 followers on twitch and over a thousand on Instagram. He’s very confident on social media but it’s such a saturated market it’s hard to earn an income from it!

1000 followers on insta isn't going to pay the bills! Echoing PP, if he's serious about this he needs gobe creating and sharing content alongside his full time job and only scale back that job if he starts to become successful

I used to make 1500 to 2000 per month from YouTube before 2020. Now I make 200 to 500 because Google is squeezing the little guy. The algorithm is all over the place and every time I post a video my subscriber count drops by 200 people. Every time.

Yet me views and watchtime are the same. I have a 6 figure following so I cannot imagine how bad it would be to try to start from the beginning with the current set up. You need 4000 hours before you can add an adsense account to your channel. That is a lot!

*4000 hours watch time!

@Kuachui

its a dream. half of the people that try dont suceed, 1/4 get a little but not a lot and 1/4 get lucky enough that it works out for them

Don’t know where you’re getting those stats from! Nearly as optimistic as OP’s husband!

You need to get a job.

SAHM is a luxury that you cannot afford.
Even if all your salary goes on childcare, in a year's time or so you can ask for pay rise, a a promotion, or look for a better job.
By the time kids go to school (when you are currently planning to go to work) you will have progressed in your career and start making money.

It's all very well looking at your DP's bad spending habits, but you're not even bringing in any income yourself. You're a team and at the moment you're struggling to buy shoes for your child.