People who really love and enjoy life, what's the secret?

[zorrow]

Have been going through what I think is an existential crisis for quite some time and just wondered, what is it that makes some people love their life so much? Is it their mindset? Is it money? Is it relationships?

Copious amounts of medication. Really.

I had an awful time with my ex husband. That makes me appreciate and enjoy my life without him so much more.

I think you're either that kind of person or you're not, OP.

If there's a secret I'd love to know what it is, I've always been a miserable so-and-so!

I think they probably avoid Mumsnet and other social media tbh.

Lack comparison and 'living in the now'.

I read once that we should expect to be happy all the time (or most of the time), but content instead. I've recently been writing down what makes me happy and trying to do more of that. Also taking pleasure in little things each day. Recently I had to do an exercise where I wrote down things each day I was grateful for, but I found that a bit artificial.

The people I know who love and enjoy life are not overthinkers.
They enjoy the superficial and don't look to the future too much.
Don't look to deeply into their relationships with people.
More a 'live for the moment' mantra.

I am not one of these people.
I would love to be.

Pursue hobbies and interests; enjoy your work or if you don't, minimise the amount of time spent there; know and manage your outgoings so live comfortably within your means (don't confuse this with simply "being rich", it's not the same); maintain your valued friendships; deal with your adult family largely on your terms (and accept that death is an inevitable part of life so when those you love aren't there you are in some way "ready" for the upheaval); if you want kids, have them, if you don't want them, don't; make the effort with people who do the same for you; always have something to look forward to, big or small; try new things and when you like something, do it a bit more.

I'm a funeral celebrant who deals with hundreds of life stories every year and the happiest ones pretty much all follow that trend.

Don't compare your life to others and being happy with what you have, partner, children, possessions etc. That is why social media can be so toxic, someone is always doing something fun, someone is always posting some carefully curated picture or story.

Yes kids can be tiring, cleaning up sick for the fifth time in a day is never fun, having to get out of bed early almost every day, but then the little ball of love comes over, says "Mummy I love you", gives you a huge hug and it feels worth it. Cherish the little things, don't chase the big things.

I set myself goals and achieving them gives me a tremendous sense of accomplishment. It can be something as daft as hoovering before work or something as big as a doctorate (still working on that one!) but having something to work towards really motivates me.

I surround myself with people I like. I don’t get involved in drama. My marriage is good and supportive and I have a job I love. I have a nice house that facilitates the life I want and enough money not to worry about the bills. So partly mind set partly luck and partly things I’ve worked towards.

But I agree comparing to others is the death of contentment. And sometimes it’s just personality, I’m quite an accepting person in general.

Get a good education and choose a job you will enjoy, where you can continue to learn. Maintain hobbies and interests and try new things. Don't sit about wishing you could do things; do them. Have your own money and your items security. Don't rely on a man nor 'need' one to feel complete.

Usually a comfortable enough lifestyle to be able to enjoy life - worrying about how you’re going to feed your kids, living in an area of high deprivation with crime and antisocial behaviour, not having access to affordable transport or community facilities, etc etc, doesn’t exactly make it easy to enjoy life.
If you leave aside poverty and deprivation then an appreciation of what you have, having supportive friends and family, good health and not letting comparisons steal your joy are all key. I don’t think it’s one single thing.

I loved and enjoyed life when I had the funds to work less and still do everything I wanted. Now I have children so I’m on the work to pay for childcare and larger house and lifestyle merry-go-round, too busy, enjoy it less. Would happily work less, fuck my pension, and move somewhere much cheaper to balance it all out, but DP will only consider a city in the south east (but complains about being tied in to mortgage/work)

I do think money buys time and time is happiness.

I often wonder about this too. I agree with what PPs have said.

My granddad was a prisoner of war of the Japanese during World War Two. He experienced many horrific and traumatic things as you can imagine, all during his early twenties. He was deeply traumatised by his experiences and the POWs were all told after the war to keep quiet about their experiences and not express their feelings (I have seen an actual government leaflet given to them saying this). Sadly as a result of their experiences, many ended their own lives or developed substance abuse problems.

However, if you'd have met my granddad, you'd have seen a man who was always happy and smiling and friends with everyone. Always encouraging people to sing and dance and making them laugh. There was no real hint in public of his suffering, although I'm sure he suffered privately.

In his case, I believe despite everything he CHOSE to be happy. He chose to uplift himself and others. I'm not saying this was easy or he was some perfect person, but it was a choice and he made it.

Always just feel really grateful to be here and appreciate everything.

I used to be a bit miserable and I'm still prone towards anxiety and the melancholy especially in the run up to my period. However I am overall a lot more content in my life than I have ever been. Things that have helped:
Get outside, fresh air and daylight work wonders
Don't waste time comparing yourself to other people. There's always someone better off and there's always someone worse off.
Take time to rest and do something slow - read a long book, knit, draw, bake.
Don't waste your time on people who don't value you.
Look for the joy in small things, and have small things to look forward to.

"Comparison is the thief of joy". It's a mantra I try and live my life by and on the whole, I think it works.

I'm also a huge optimist, very accepting of things I can't change and I acknowledge the huge amount of luck I've had in life.

But I'm financially secure, in a happy relationship and have amazing support for my disabled child. Things could be different.

Live in the moment, let the crap wash past...

If crap happened, it happened.

(But my mental health is strong.)

@MrsFoxyplease I disagree. I absolutely am an overthinker but I have managed to adjust my attitude and find methods to bring myself back on track.

It's actually a little grim but whatever something frustrating happens at home/work, I stop and think, what if I didn't wake up tomorrow. Would this matter? Is this how I want to spend my last day/conversation with this person? The answer is always no.

I also frequently reflect on how short and fragile life is. So I minimise work time and maximise every moment with my loved ones.

Also, little social media and I do not compare or pay attention to what others are doing. It's so freeing!

Takes time and practise though, good luck!

Having partner who is not a dickhead helps!

Feeling like my job matters and I am good at it. Enjoying my hobbies.

I guess for me it is having a happy marriage and close relationship with my adult kids. We all have things that we are interested in together and still do things as a family.

I like having a small group of really close friends and a slightly larger social group.

I have a few things that I love doing both by myself and with friends and family.

I think a big thing is to stay curious and interested in new things. Some of the most miserable people are those that keep on hawking back to their Glory days. I find some people are stuck in a time warp and don't realise we have moved on from the 80's, 90's or whatever and talk about 'their era'. Nothing wrong with enjoying stuff from the past, heck I was born in the 60's but I like looking forward to finding a new band to like or a new play to watch, a new place to visit. It's exciting.
That's probably the secret, having some excitement to look forward to.

I'm not that person anymore but have went through stages of really loving my life. Not in that stage at the moment. What helped me get out of my existential crisis was anti depressants - 20mg fluoxetine. In my happy times I appreciate the small things, good cuppa coffee, the sunset, a hot shower after a long day etc. I stay in the moment, I don't think of the future or the past I just deal with what is directly in front of me in that moment. It really helped me with nerves. For example I hate public speaking, and knowing I had a presentation coming up I would feel nervous for weeks. I managed to stop that by just not worrying about it until the moment it actually arrived. I just lived in the moment and not the future. However, I feel that this mindset is always fleeting and I always revert back to my unhappy, anxious self.

I forgot to add to my post is something that has been commented on and that is I don't compare myself negatively to others.
I don't get envy and to be honest never had. I'm not wealthy, slim, good looking or anything but that's ok.

What a great post @Technosaurus

I agree with taking care of friendships. Compartmentalising work vs home life.

Having a pet.

Having a relationship with yourself/ taking care of your inner life

...and remembering comparison is the thief of joy. (And this is all in the context of redundancy DH, bereavement DF, mental health DS x2).
Helpful to be a bit of a "Pollyanna" too.

A saying that suck in my mind ‘something to do. Someone to love (and loves you back I would add) and something to look forward to.

@Technosaurus - duly noted.