People who really love and enjoy life, what's the secret?

[zorrow]

Have been going through what I think is an existential crisis for quite some time and just wondered, what is it that makes some people love their life so much? Is it their mindset? Is it money? Is it relationships?

I think that people who don’t overthink are often happier— I’ve often said people who are content with their lot are happy whereas the ‘never content ‘ are often miserable . I also think cutting people who suck joy out your life helps- whether that’s partners or family

And @Technosaurus. What a fabulous post!!

Only evert doing what I want tbh! Stopped doing anything I don’t went to do - don’t attend anything I’m not interested in, don’t care if that makes me selfish !

Once I stopped doing things to please others. I was way happier

For me it's having a job that I really enjoy and changes people's lives but also doing that only part time so I never feel stressed or feel like I'm juggling too much. My husband is also an amazing dad, not so hot on the housework but does nearly all the cooking so we are equals.

I have plenty of time to do the things I want to do and spend a lot of time with friends too.

If I died tomorrow I would want to have got the most out of life. We live to our means and don't compare ourselves to others. Holidays and having a nice house and leisure time are very important to us as that's what makes life worth living.

Today I'm off work for a week without the kids to sort things for Christmas, making sure the house is looking nice for when we have people over. My husband is at work which I'm appreciating as he's wfh a lot and I do enjoy time on my own.

Some people I know I don't really understand what they are working towards as they don't seem to be enjoying life now as they're working so much. I do understand people get enjoyment out of working long hours sometimes.

Ignorance is apparently bliss. Wow. Thanks but I need my awareness of the world, it's problems etc

Money
Health
Meaningful relationship, friendships and job.

In that order

Having a relationship with yourself/ taking care of your inner life

This is really important I think. Particularly for women.

Women are very often socialised to think that their value in life comes from their relationship with a man and their children. Learning to value yourself independently of your relationship goes a very long way towards creating genuine, self-sustaining happiness (and also probably helps avoid abusive arseholes into the bargain).

I’m not someone who’s naturally happy and content all the time. It takes constant work for me to feel happy and content. Exercise and healthy eating, maintaining a healthy weight are central for me. If any of those things slip then everything goes. I know I need to feel in control to feel good. At the moment the house is a mess because I’ve been ill all weekend and I haven’t exercised as much as I usually do. The result is I feel crap, but I know what I have to do to improve that.

I would add that a lot of the people I know have big jobs and earn a lot but don't really seem happy with it. I'm sure they look down on me as I have no aspirations for promotion but do a very worthwhile job. We keep our outgoings low so this means we don't need to introduce stress into our lives to service a huge mortgage, school fees, car payments etc.

I'm there for my kids in all school holidays and really appreciate that. If I want to get promoted for whatever reason when they're older I'll do that but I'm finding it even more important to be there now they're growing up anyway.

@StarsAndSky0

I think you're either that kind of person or you're not, OP.

If there's a secret I'd love to know what it is, I've always been a miserable so-and-so!

^This.

1. don't compare
2. focus on what you have, rather than what you lack
3. try your best as much as possible. I find it helps me stop blaming myself for anything/regretting my own actions.
4. love yourself as you are.
5. stop giving a shit what other people think

I'm one of those people. It's a mixture of innate personality and good enough luck that life hasn't beaten it out of me. I'm grateful.

Being happy and content with what you have and not envying others. Stepping back from drama and enjoying the simple things of life.

Find the joy in small things.
Live in the moment.

Generally you need a lack of empathy. The world is a horrible place, to love life you have to be comfortable with the fact that a lot of people have it worse than you. You have to know that you have it better than many, and revel in the fact.

It's impossible for an intelligent and emotionally aware person to be truly happy with life. You can be a good person or a happy person, but not both.

I don't compare myself to anyone else. I've got a few very good friends that I love. I don't make life harder than it has to be. I don't care what anyone thinks of me-as long as I know I'm not hurting anyone or being a twat, I'm ok.
I love my little girl and my dog. I get out for walks every day. I only follow nice things on social media (a bit of politics too, but nothing extreme)
I used to be homeless and I'm grateful every day for my little flat and food and safety, and that I lived long enough to get here, because once it wasn't certain... 9 years ago today I was dying of an overdose, had just been found and taken to hospital, and today I just got home from a walk in the frost and sun with my dog and daughter, and life is very beautiful.

(or neither obviously)

Love.

We don't have masses of money, we can't go on fancy holidays, but our relationship is fantastic. We love spending time together, just doing nothing, or going for walks, a drink at the pub, watching a film. Simple pleasures and it's enough.

Proper happiness and enjoyment of life came when I stopped investing time into one-sided friendships, stopped caring about work so much and changed my life to concentrate on what mattered to me most.

I am an overall positive person, who has gone through dark periods like everyone. Don't stay in those dark places, as much as you might like to sometimes. I think a lot of being happy is a choice. It can be tempting to stay in a dark place, or even to wallow in self pity.

Be happy with the life you have and make the most of it. Life is not going to be 100% exciting or fun all of the time. Settling down to a quieter pace of life took me a lot of adjustments, but I am happier for it now.

@HarrietsChariot

Generally you need a lack of empathy. The world is a horrible place, to love life you have to be comfortable with the fact that a lot of people have it worse than you. You have to know that you have it better than many, and revel in the fact.

It's impossible for an intelligent and emotionally aware person to be truly happy with life. You can be a good person or a happy person, but not both.

What a sad outlook. I don't think that's true at all.

I once watched a documentary about twins who survived Auschwitz. One couldn't get past the experience, was consumed by anger and grief. The other was constantly delighted that she was free and able to enjoy life. She saw being joyful as the ultimate way to get back at her oppressors. I think I remember it rightly!

There's also a Ted talk on happiness adaptation theory - a comparison of people who win the lottery and people who are paralysed in accidents revert to their previous levels of happiness after a few months. It's all about attitude.

www.theemotionmachine.com/happiness-is-a-perspective-why-it-doesnt-matter-if-you-win-the-lottery-or-lose-your-legs/

@vampirethriller well done on getting here! Very different place to where you were 9 years ago I'd imagine! It took a lot of strength and you've done it :)

Surviving an abusive childhood and breaking the cycle with my own children! Life still has ups and downs but everyday I can see how far I've come and how lucky I was to get through it relatively unscathed. It's hard not to enjoy a normal life on the whole when you grew up thinking it was nothing but anger and fear.

@thepeopleversuswork

Having a relationship with yourself/ taking care of your inner life

This is really important I think. Particularly for women.

Women are very often socialised to think that their value in life comes from their relationship with a man and their children. Learning to value yourself independently of your relationship goes a very long way towards creating genuine, self-sustaining happiness (and also probably helps avoid abusive arseholes into the bargain).

This.

Also choosing to be happy. I know it's easier said than done, but actively cultivate your life/surroundings/etc in a way that maximises happiness, reduces stress, improves health, wellbeing etc. It is work, and you need to consciously choose over and over again to learn what is good for you, what contributes to your well-being and a lot of the times you'll have to do stuff you don't want to do in order to make yourself feel good. (stand and cook a healthy and tasty meal instead of grabbing a quick shit sandwich that will make you feel like crap, or set boundaries with arseholes in your family to protect yourself, even if you don't want to offend them).

Also I think, understanding that happiness is an emotion, and emotions only actually last for a short amount of time, so be realistic! You won't be in an amazing mood all day, but if you have enough happy "top ups" and stuff to look forward to, it helps.
Also sometimes being happy means allowing yourself to be sad/angry or wallow a bit if it's what you need too.