People who really love and enjoy life, what's the secret?

[zorrow]

Have been going through what I think is an existential crisis for quite some time and just wondered, what is it that makes some people love their life so much? Is it their mindset? Is it money? Is it relationships?

I think for me personally, it was after living the experience of some really traumatic things, that then made me really appreciate the little things in life.

I would say since the end of my relationship with my ex years ago I have mostly found life to be fulfilling and enjoyable. So if your with a negative personality then I think that can definitely rub off on your own outlook.
I don’t compare my life to others everyone has their own path with different struggles along the way.
I am grateful for what I have, two wonderful sons, a supportive loving Fiancé, a lovely home, my friends and family. I don’t love my career but I don’t hate it and it pays enough that we have everything that we need and a little of what we want. There is always a glass half full way to look at things.

I can only speak from experience.

We have disposable cash, a beautiful home, amazing friends, supportive family, wonderful healthy children, great neighbours. We are healthy, life is amazing. We have aspirations and are working hard to get there but equally we are happy where we are right now.

I don’t know that it’s any one thing, but all of those things.

When I’m feeling sorry for myself I remember that I was in an abusive marriage 7 years ago.

I’m also on a lot of medication for CPTSD, under a Psychiatrist, regular contact with my GP and counselling via Uni.

I also remember that right now, I’m doing what 8 years ago I thought was impossible - raising 3DDs alone AND I’m studying at Uni.

Gratitude and reasonable expectations.

The happiest people in the world are grateful for what they have, rather than comparing to what they don't have.

And I believe that gratitude doesn't mean being totally happy and smiley all the time, but content and at peace and happy with 'your lot'.

I think you have to have reasonable expectations - for most of us, 8 holidays a year, a massive house and not having to work are not reasonable expectations. But a good nights sleep, a hot cup of tea, a meet up with a friend, the satisfaction of a clean room, a job ticked off a to-do list, feeling like you've made a difference to someone - these are all things to be grateful and to recognise in everyday life.

I do realise that money helps with gratitude as anxiety and worry about basic needs make it incredibly hard to be grateful and see past everything that is keeping you awake at night. It's a mindset that is part practice and part circumstance.

But in general I am a bit of a miserable git and ruminate a lot, which I do blame ADHD and sensory issues for.

Gratitude.

I had a crappy-mediocre childhood with glass half empty type parents. Hated it. No abuse but my whole childhood I had a scared feeling in my tummy and trod on eggshells.

For me, happiness is a juxtaposition of not caring what anyone thinks of me but being silently smug by spending my life proving people wrong about me. And being super spontaneous and always looking on the bright side. And a shit tonne of luck.

For example of the proving people wrong point, I look like a slob/homeless 99% of the time (short dungarees and messy bun life) so people think I’m stealing my car when I get in it or do a double take when I answer my front door. Money doesn’t = happiness though as my husband and I both agree our happiest times were mooching round supermarkets with only a few dollars trying to feed our young children or hunting for scrap metal or other creative things to sell to pay their school fees while living abroad.

I’m currently a housewife/stay at home parent. People talk down to me frequently like I’m a delinquent and are bewildered if they ever find out I’ve got a PhD and I used to be a solicitor and set up my own charity to fund free legal advice for a certain proportion of a population.

Gratitude. I’m thankful I met the man of my dreams aged 14 and in the whole 22 years we’ve been together we’ve argued once and he’s never failed to support me. I’m thankful for our four healthy, happy, laid back children. I’m thankful we’ve given them the experiences we have; they’ve lived in 14 different countries (and they’ve loved every single one of them).

I enjoy living life on a whim but having stability. I never know where I’ll be in five year’s time. Or one. I’m quietly confident. Exercising makes the world of difference. So does living in a tropical part of the world. Being in awe of nature makes me feel insignificantly happy. Don’t watch TV!

It’s different for everyone, these are all just mine. So cheesy and cliche but we only do get one shot of this. Luck!

@MrsFoxyplease

The people I know who love and enjoy life are not overthinkers. They enjoy the superficial and don't look to the future too much. Don't look to deeply into their relationships with people. More a 'live for the moment' mantra.

I am not one of these people.
I would love to be.

This! I wish I could be like this but I just cant

Is it the case though that we are a slanted group to ask, because clearly it is Monday morning and we all have the opportunity to respond to the post - we are not having to battle with some job or if we are working it is somewhere where we have the opportunity to post. A great many people hate their jobs but are stuck in them. I think having a job you can stand, if you work, would be first wish for millions before they could even start to think about genuine happiness.

I wish managers would really listen to what is said by those who report to them, think about it carefully and deal once and for all with the one poor performer/rude person who has taken up residence in almost every organisation by putting parameters on bad/lazy behaviour. Most places I have worked there has been someone who royally took the piss and/or was downright nasty everyone on eggshells around this problem person and managers sometimes tackled it and sometimes pretended not to see....(unfortunately of course sometimes it is the owner/CEO that is the problem).Then having tackled that, ALL managers could really think about their staff and ask them how within achievable means they would like to develop their work skills and potential. I know it is a bit hopeful but - it should become a universally recognised part of the job, both of these things. Then there would be a much more level "potential for happiness" platform.

Having enough money in the bank to cushion you if you need it. This isn't the same as being mega rich, but enough to know that you can pay for that unexpected bill.

In turn this then allows you to cut things from your life that make you unhappy. If you hate your job it will make you very happy to quit. If there are colleagues or 'friends' in your life who make you unhappy then walking away from them will make you happy.

As many others have said, what makes me happy is time for me. Time to be outside - never underestimate the healing powers of nature. Time to do hobbies - no matter how insignificant they seem to others the joy of creating something or learning a new skill is amazing.

Having good strong relationships with people you love and who love you. This does not mean you need to be in each others pockets but the happiness of knowing you have each others back. The knowledge that one phone call and they will drop everything to be there. That is happiness.

Never, never take health for granted. Being healthy enough to enjoy life is fundamental.

Having something to look forward to - however small. Having a weekend away booked or planning for a meal out with friends. Have a few of these events dotted throughout the calendar.

Let go of past disappointments. That time has passed, look to the future.

I wish I could follow all of my own advice!

According to Ingrid Bergman, the secret is good health and a bad memory.

Like many I've been through a few things. Poverty, abuse, divorce being some of them. I've always looked on the bright side. Done things even if I was scared. Changed things if I wasn't happy. Grabbed opportunities. Studied, worked. And now despite everything I've been through I've carved a decent life out for myself. There will always be those who tell me I got lucky. Who choose not to see all the crap I went through (and still am going through though I don't moan about it, often!). Who accuse me of toxic positivity. I don't listen to them. I'd rather see the flower in the weed than the thorns in the field of roses. Imo it's the only way to improve life and be happy. But everyone to themselves.

The people I know who love and enjoy life are not overthinkers.
They enjoy the superficial and don't look to the future too much.
Don't look to deeply into their relationships with people.
More a 'live for the moment' mantra.

I think this is true. I wish to be like this. Am I incorrect in thinking extroverts are very much like this? The most confident, live for the moment people I know are extroverted.

I have noticed being adaptable and grateful are a common theme in happy types.

I am a miserable by default, and wish I wasn’t.

@LemonElephant

I think for me personally, it was after living the experience of some really traumatic things, that then made me really appreciate the little things in life.

I'd agree with that. I think, and it's been this way for me, there can be a sweet spot between enough trauma and adversity to make you feel happy and grateful when things get better, but not so much that you're never able to be happy again.

Love and believe in yourself, don’t look to others for validation at work or at home.

Live in the moment and have gratitude for everything you have RIGHT NOW - don’t think about what you don’t have.

Embrace ALL emotions - there is no light without shade.

Align your actions to your values and intentions. Doing a job which doesn’t align, or scrolling mindlessly on SM without intention, will impact on your capacity for happiness.

Do not ruminate and waste time looking back to the past- you’re not heading that way!

And this is an important one for women. Do not minimise yourself. Claim your space at the meeting, in your marriage, in life. Don’t make yourself small, don’t apologise for existing, because others will take advantage. Occupy your rightful position.

Finally, seek out true and meaningful connection. Don’t over share, but when you feel you can trust someone, be yourself and open up, let your guard down and truly connect.

@Technosaurus that’s exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you

Also feel the fear and do it anyway. Fear and hope are two sides of the same coin. Choose hope.

@NotQuiteUsual I agree re abusive childhood and breaking that cycle for my own children - it brings me immense joy that my daughters express ALL of their emotions in front of me, don’t walk on eggshells, know that I’ve got their back whatever it is, that they confide in me and that we are a very cuddly family.

They’re 13/10/5.

It's impossible for an intelligent and emotionally aware person to be truly happy with life. You can be a good person or a happy person, but not both.

This is complete balls. My grandfather was both. He had less than many but was content with simple things and what little time & money he had was often spent helping others.

He constantly told me "if you have your health and your loved ones, and you know where tomorrows dinner is coming from, you are rich".

For me it was reaching a very low point a couple of years ago and then coming out of it. I think one of the comments above mentioning being 'content' is right. I am not happy every day, sometimes I stress about the mess in the house/what to cook for dinner/why are the dc arguing again but I recognise that these are very small parts of my life. Or try to anyway, I'm still not quite there. I leave laundry to go to the playground instead as I know that there will always be chores but a short time to play. I've accepted that I've put on weight, that my wrinkles are getting deeper, I don't really worry about what other people think of me - something that has held me back all my life.

On a practical level: enough money to cover our needs plus a bit extra. Antidepressants! They work well for me.

Re the intelligent people are never happy comment - DBro has asked me many times “Do you think you’d be happier if you were more… Simple?” - to clarify he meant, a less complex person, not in the offensive way.

To quote Christina Yang

“You’re either born simple, or you’re born… Me.”

@DeepaBeesKit

It's impossible for an intelligent and emotionally aware person to be truly happy with life. You can be a good person or a happy person, but not both.

This is complete balls. My grandfather was both. He had less than many but was content with simple things and what little time & money he had was often spent helping others.

He constantly told me "if you have your health and your loved ones, and you know where tomorrows dinner is coming from, you are rich".

I wonder, if there was less social media and more thinking like your grandfather, whether people would be happier. The digital age and SM seems to have changed people.