People who really love and enjoy life, what's the secret?

[zorrow]

Have been going through what I think is an existential crisis for quite some time and just wondered, what is it that makes some people love their life so much? Is it their mindset? Is it money? Is it relationships?

One in particular is married to a man with a very successful business. She is a SAHM and is able to really love it as there are no money worries, they live in a beautiful house with a pool, she can buy expensive organic food to cook beautiful meals for the kids, she has fun having beauty treatments, personal training sessions and buying loads of nice clothes. They also have two very expensive holidays per year and UK mini breaks to luxury hotels.

None of that would make me particularly happy, and I disagree that you need money to be happy. Happiness is a state of mind and can't be bought. I'm unemployed, don't go far from home, don't have a lot of money to spend but I'm happy and content. Having money wouldn't make me any happier, and I would actually not enjoy being rich.

I would hate not to work. I found maternity leaves stressful. SAHM is my idea of hell so that wouldnt work for me either!

I think being out in nature as much as possible is really important for keeping mental health stable (more important than fleeting moments of happiness!).

I’d also hate not to work and I’d never feel happy relying on somebody else and not having my own income.
I also love my job and it’s a big source of happiness for me. Having a personal trainer, beauty treatments and buying loads of clothes are nothing like my idea of fun. Everybody is different but I think a lot of people have lost track of what happiness actually is. The adverts and social media tell us it’s having more stuff and a certain lifestyle that makes us happy when in fact it’s the polar opposite.

I always seem to be happy. Before the menopause at the very late age of 55 I did have some PMT/PMS but only for a few days before. Other than that I seem to be extremely happy. It may be that I don't seem to get ill often (see a doctor for 7 minutes in 15 years kind of never ill). It may be working from home in work I love since 1994 and making reasonable amounts (lawyer who works for herself).

It may be just be the balance of chemicals in the brain and luck. I eat reasonably well and don't drink just about ever may be one glass of wine a year so perhaps I have nothing that rises me up and crashes me down. I have worked full time since 1983 including when having my 5 gorgeous babies who are now grown up with only 2 (students) left at home. My divorce about 20 years ago was not that much fun but as I wanted it getting it was a positive and happy thing unlike those who divorce but don't want a divorce.

My advice to those who are fed up is try to move a bit more even if just a walk, try to be outside ideally near trees every day, eat less and try to eat healthier foods which for me is things like fish and veg and eggs and meat. in the summer get some sun every day with no suncream on as vit D and sun helps happiness I suspect. Try to avoid foods and drugs and drink which raises you to a high and then crashes you. Cut out all sugar.

I listened to a podcast and it summed it up in three areas linked by one thing. And it kind of makes sense.

1. Joy - make time for things that make you happy
2. Satisfaction - try and achieve little goals (not becoming PM or CEO, but it can be bake a nice cake, do a crossword, do some craftwork
3. Purpose - seek something with purpose beyond yourself- whether it’s looking after you family or your elderly neighbour, or being a really competent tax inspector or traffic warden.

The thing that links these 3 is connection. You’re more likely to find these three factors with other people (whether it’s friends, family or strangers) than alone.

I am generally very content with my life ... I have a job that I really love even though it pays peanuts but I am at the stage in life (mortgage paid off, nearing retirement age) when I don't need to work for the money, I do it because I love it, I no longer feel I have to 'prove anything' by having a great career.
Not needing other people to 'make you happy' .. I have a solid relationship with my DH and DS and wider family but we are not joined at the hip, I can be perfectly happy (sometimes happier) in my own company.
Appreciating the small things in life - a coffee out with friends, a good church service, a walk in the fresh air, volunteering with friends, a good drama on tv - I think I am very easily pleased ... and I am not an over thinker.

Just read FlyingJo's post - all good points.

Responses to the OP prove that there is no magic formula to happiness. It’s different for different people.

Who are we to say what makes individuals happy?

Person A may get happiness from supporting a working partner, finding joy in looking good and socialising with others like them. While Person B finds joy in nature and solitary activities like crafting. If they swapped lives they would be miserable. Neither is right, they’re just different people.

What a great thread. I second recommending it for Classics

For me it’s feeling content and being true to myself.
I try not to get involved in other peoples dramas, I don’t compare myself to others or wish I had what they had. We are all in charge of creating our own path and I choose to be happy. I don’t take life too seriously and I build in little things each day & week that I enjoy. Keeping a good social network also helps - friends who support each other is always needed.
I hope you find the answers for yourself OP.

"I don't really get spiked by anyone any more, I don't get offended, I don't lack compassion for others even when they are 'being vile'. I am not judgmental of people."

Interesting how one of the most judgemental people should state this. I am aware that I judge. I try not to but human nature means we all tend to more or less at some points. Those in denial just pretend they don't do it.

I think people have different ways of finding contentment. That might be charity work or helping others, through their pets or animals, through being out in nature, or with friends and family. Some great comments on here.

Reading with interest. I have a lot of good stuff in my life.

I think it's a mindset. That few people have. Can you adjust it and make yourself more that way? Possibly. But I bet life is so much easier if you are naturally disposed to being that way.

I am one of those people, most of the time. I need:

Good health
Enough money (sometimes this has meant very little, but enough to live)
Personal space
A high degree of agency - I can make choices and carry them through
Enough social contact/sex

Lockdown impacted the last two things massively

I wonder what order things come in. Could we all agree? On a Top 5?

Health has got to be one of the top, because without it, you are screwed. If you get diagnosed with a terminal illness tomorrow it doesn't matter how much your Dh loves you, how much money you've got, group of nice friends, if you are content with a positive mindset. All immaterial.

Money does matter. Not rich, but enough so you aren't worrying. A job you enjoy helps, one that is reasonably paid, not too stressful. Good work - life balance.

I'm one of life's worriers. Mostly social anxiety, worried about not being liked, about having said the wrong thing etc.

BUT I'm also happy a lot of the time and feel very blessed with what I have. I just went for a walk in nature during my lunchbreak, in the sunshine, and feel a deep sense of wellbeing now.

So, happiness and anxiety can co-exist in the same person. Although, admittedly I would be happier if I worried less- still working on that!

Someone mentioned not getting involved in other people''s dramas. I have been thinking quite a lot about that. I do get dragged into other peoples dramas on a continuous basis. However, if you don't do that, how can you be a friend? Friendship and families often involve listening to problems and dilmemmas, giving advice or opinions, trying to help. If I take the view 'not my circus, not my monkeys' , that makes me rather a cold and uninvolved person to talk to surely?

I have a friend who is always off loading her dramas with her sons who treat her terribly. If I share problems with my family, she has nothing much to say, and I resent it.

Small things. Appreciating the change in weather. The light coming in through blinds. My daughter smiling. Food. My bed. Puzzles. Baking. Films.

When my daughter was born I had PND. I wanted to die. I had a plan. Thankfully I didn't go through with it. Things are different now. We moved, I love where I work.

Now I just see things a little bit differently.

It isn't always sunshine etc. but I have just tried to enjoy things as they happen instead of catastrophising like I used to.

I read s8mewhere that the more intelligent you are( and thus perhaps prone to examination ).the less happy you are likely to be.
Or was a pic ofna small brain.. with a smileyface,.. and middle size with a less smiley face and then a.larger brain with a very mixed emotion emoji.. jusr the theory of who ever posted it .

Oh yes and a shitload of counselling hahaha

I am one of those people - most of the time. I am generally happy because I've done well for myself so I don't need to rely on anyone to put a roof over my head or food on my plate. I have dogs which I love. I am in a happy relationship (we don't live together - joint decision). I have some great friends. I do have days when I am very stressed, and generally stress crops up at some point most days, usually because of my job (I run my own company), but I remind myself that I'm in a much better position than many people, and that reminds me to be happy.

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