Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in the wrong here?

398 replies

hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 10:24

Friend is visiting his hometown with his partner. Group of us went out last night for dinner and drinks. Afterwards friend and partner invite me back to their flat they've rented for the weekend.

It's 1.30 am and I've fallen asleep on their sofa. I am abruptly awoken by friend saying 'you need to go home'. He phones me a taxi and becomes rude to the taxi operator and other taxi taking over an hour. Friend is basically shoving me out the door at this point. So I have to walk home - 3 miles at 2 am. No text from friend to check if I even get home okay.

So this morning I text him and am like what was that about. He replies that his partner was messaging him asking him to get me to leave as he wanted to go to bed. I was sleeping...why couldn't he have went to bed?

This friend I am very close to, he has stayed over at my house I can't even count the times, when he is home visiting without his partner he will stay here 3/4 nights in a row. I run him about here there and everywhere when he is here. I have never ever kicked him out of my house.

I would understand if I was drunk causing mayhem and wanting to party but I was sleeping on the sofa. This morning he is saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise.

So am I being unreasonable or is he?

OP posts:
PurplePikachu · 21/11/2021 10:30

Just checking…are you a woman? Because anybody who leaves a woman to travel home alone late at night is an absolute dick. If you’re a man then maybe it’s a bit different (although still very rude). If you’re a woman I would honestly end the friendship over that.

Original poster
hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 10:31

Yes I am a woman.

OP posts:
user1498572889 · 21/11/2021 10:32

He is. Don’t let him stay at yours again. He uses you when it’s convenient.

Bluntness100 · 21/11/2021 10:32

That’s very odd.

SoniaFouler · 21/11/2021 10:33

You were both so drunk that A: He took “instruction” from his partner to boot you out at 2AM when there was no reason as you were not drunk enough causing mayhem and B: you agreed/accepted that you would walk 3 miles home by yourself at 2AM in the early hours of the morning. Both are unreasonable acts which wouldn’t have happened if you were both not drunk. He should have apologised this morning after it had settled.

lockdownalli · 21/11/2021 10:33

He's not your friend - you are his convenience.

ladygracie · 21/11/2021 10:33

That’s awful behaviour from someone who is supposed to be your friend. Definitely no more accommodating him when he comes home. Well done for calling him out on it though.

nextdoorslawnmower · 21/11/2021 10:34

He's a shitty friend. I'd be telling him he's not welcome to ever stay at my house again.

IveNameChangedAgain2020 · 21/11/2021 10:35

Unacceptable. He's a friend that doesn't give a shit about you or your safety. I'm sorry OP but I'd end the friendship over that behaviour - I could never imagine a friend treating me like this.

If he fully grovelled and apologised the next day I'd consider that it was done under the influence but the fact he shows no remorse would be it for me.

Rainbowqueeen · 21/11/2021 10:36

He is BU. He put you in a really dangerous position.

I would distance myself. The only doubt in my mind is - could his partner be abusive???

Bluntness100 · 21/11/2021 10:40

I also don’t understand why his partner was messaging him. Why couldn’t he just ask him?

SoniaFouler · 21/11/2021 10:43

@Rainbowqueeen

He is BU. He put you in a really dangerous position. I would distance myself. The only doubt in my mind is - could his partner be abusive???
That’s a very generous doubt. In my mind, it was more like:

“I’m trying to get to sleep and I can’t because of the noise”
“I’m just having a good time with OP”
“Well tell OP to go home then so I can go to sleep”

FangsForTheMemory · 21/11/2021 10:44

It's awful. Anything could have happened to you.

SoniaFouler · 21/11/2021 10:45

^^actually, I forgot that Op said she was already asleep. Bizarre behaviour then Confused Still not quick enough to jump to a controlling partner though. And even if they were - it still means OPs friend told her to walk 3 miles home at 2AM by herself

AlCalavicci · 21/11/2021 10:51

Was it pre arranged that you would be staying overnight? If it was he is been a real arse and I would have no problem telling him so.
If it was not pre arranged I get that his partner may be a bit annoyed with someone crashing for the night but booting you out at 2am is still v unreasonable.
Have you stayed overnight before , were there any issues then ?
Perhaps his partner doesnt trust him and doest want you there to tempt him but again booting you out cos a cab can't be found is not on at all

Original poster
hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 10:52

@AlCalavicci

Was it pre arranged that you would be staying overnight? If it was he is been a real arse and I would have no problem telling him so. If it was not pre arranged I get that his partner may be a bit annoyed with someone crashing for the night but booting you out at 2am is still v unreasonable. Have you stayed overnight before , were there any issues then ? Perhaps his partner doesnt trust him and doest want you there to tempt him but again booting you out cos a cab can't be found is not on at all
It wasn't pre arranged. I've stayed with them in their flat before for the weekend and there were no problems. He is a gay man so I was tempting no one 🤣
OP posts:
Sunshinealligator · 21/11/2021 10:57

I'm someone who likes my own space, and I like guests to leave when they should.
I'd maybe feel slightly put out at the fact I wouldn't get rid of said guest in the morning if they just fell asleep, I'd still absolutely never, ever wake someone up to get them to leave at 2am, especially, ESPECIALLY if it meant walking multiple miles on their own, male or female.
There was no thought there for your safety at all, and the friend shrugging it off this morning would make me consider that maybe they aren't a friend after all.

TwoMuchTwoYoung · 21/11/2021 11:02

They are both out of order, but inviting someone back for a drink who then fell asleep on the sofa would piss me off.
I guess you outstayed your welcome but no way should he have let you walk home.

Original poster
hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 11:02

He has apologised and said he was stuck between a rock and a hard place with his partner and in the heat of the moment he didn't make the right decision.

OP posts:
TheCreamCaker · 21/11/2021 11:04

He's not a proper friend, he stays at yours when it suits him but didn't ensure you got home alright. No woman should ever walk home in the early hours. I'd be inclined to fuck him off and find some nicer mates.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 21/11/2021 11:07

You need to re-evaluate that friendship.

Whatever it was before his current partner has changed the dynamic.

You need to change with it.

Chloemol · 21/11/2021 11:07

Well I would simply text back his apology is too little, too late. Moving forwards you would be happy to see him again but won’t be extending an invite to stay with you anymore he can make other arrangements

KarmaStar · 21/11/2021 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Motnight · 21/11/2021 11:08

He is not a good friend.

hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post.