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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in the wrong here?

398 replies

hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 10:24

Friend is visiting his hometown with his partner. Group of us went out last night for dinner and drinks. Afterwards friend and partner invite me back to their flat they've rented for the weekend.

It's 1.30 am and I've fallen asleep on their sofa. I am abruptly awoken by friend saying 'you need to go home'. He phones me a taxi and becomes rude to the taxi operator and other taxi taking over an hour. Friend is basically shoving me out the door at this point. So I have to walk home - 3 miles at 2 am. No text from friend to check if I even get home okay.

So this morning I text him and am like what was that about. He replies that his partner was messaging him asking him to get me to leave as he wanted to go to bed. I was sleeping...why couldn't he have went to bed?

This friend I am very close to, he has stayed over at my house I can't even count the times, when he is home visiting without his partner he will stay here 3/4 nights in a row. I run him about here there and everywhere when he is here. I have never ever kicked him out of my house.

I would understand if I was drunk causing mayhem and wanting to party but I was sleeping on the sofa. This morning he is saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise.

So am I being unreasonable or is he?

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 21/11/2021 11:11

He is less concerned about you being raped or assaulted that he is about his partner being disgruntled. He's not much of a friend. I can't imagine doing this to anyone, let alone someone I am meant to care about.

AlCalavicci · 21/11/2021 11:11

Ah no chance of you been a temptress then! 😂
And as you have stayed before with no issues it's even more baffling .
I would be a bit irked about a impromptu overnight guest but certainly not enough to make them ( male or female) to walk home at that time .
The only other thing I can think of is his partner was planing on having sex and understandably was concerned about the noise or been 'caught'

Sweetchocolatecandy · 21/11/2021 11:11

He obviously doesn’t care much about you if he was happy for you to walk up at 2am by yourself. What if something had happened to you? I’d be seriously questioning my friendship with this so called ‘friend’.

ThinWomansBrain · 21/11/2021 11:13

next time he visits, when it gets to around midnight, then say "night, nice seeing you, off you go" & show him the door.

AlbertBridge · 21/11/2021 11:13

Maybe he's in an abusive relationship? He's clearly shit-scared of angering his partner. What were they like ?

BarefootHippieChick · 21/11/2021 11:13

Why was his partner messaging him if they were both in the flat together?!

lockdownalli · 21/11/2021 11:16

OP I think the reason people are confused/questioning is because if your friend and his DP were in bed and you were on the sofa asleep, where did this messaging come in?

It doesn't make sense.

vodkaredbullgirl · 21/11/2021 11:17
Confused
AlCalavicci · 21/11/2021 11:18

@KarmaStar
This in MN you only ever get to hear the posters side of the story on every single post, everyone makes a judgment on what the Ops have wrote , if they have lied / omitted/ fudged the facts that's for the OP to deal with when they read the replies

frazzledasarock · 21/11/2021 11:20

He kicked you out at 2am and made you walk 3miles home alone whilst also drunk/tipsy.

There’s no justifying the risk he put you at. I can’t believe any poster here would try the ‘there’s a second version of this’.

Fact he kicked you out of his flat at 2am and you walked 3 miles home alone.

I’d never ever give let him crash at mine ever again.

Original poster
hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 11:20

@lockdownalli

OP I think the reason people are confused/questioning is because if your friend and his DP were in bed and you were on the sofa asleep, where did this messaging come in?

It doesn't make sense.

I was sleeping on the sofa, they were sitting on the other sofa. And this morning my friend said his partner was messaging him asking him to get me to leave. I guess he messaged because he was worried I might hear him even though I was sleeping?
OP posts:
Dontsayyouloveme · 21/11/2021 11:22

SoniaFouler you know a lot of people do get drunk yeah?

TidyDancer · 21/11/2021 11:23

This is not a friend. He put you at an absolutely unacceptable risk. I'm not sure I would find this forgivable.

EKGEMS · 21/11/2021 11:24

I cannot believe you were essentially thrown out to walk home. How dangerous to do that to a supposed friend-what an asshole

Mumoftwoinprimary · 21/11/2021 11:26

“Ok - so you had to make a choice between annoying Fred and putting my safety at risk. And you chose to put my safety at risk. This means there are two possibilities. Either you are in an abusive relationship and we’re scared what Fred would do or you don’t care about me at all. If it is the first then let me know and I will support you and help you leave when you are ready. If it is the second then I don’t think you and I have anything left to say to each other.”

AnkleDeep · 21/11/2021 11:26

I would find it hard to get past that.

Certainly I would have nothing further to do with his partner.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 21/11/2021 11:34

just appalling

Marvellousmadness · 21/11/2021 11:37

Bizarre behaviour by this " friend" kicking you out in the middle of the night. I would be livid with him. He should have told his partner to back off. You were sleeping on the couch. And he sleep at yours all the time. Bizarre request but appalling that he agreed to his partners request in the first place. In the middle of the goddamn night.

HoldmecloseTonyDanza · 21/11/2021 11:41

Of course he was in the wrong, shown by his swift change from "...saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise" in your first post to "...that's exactly why he apologised this morning" in your most recent.

SoniaFouler · 21/11/2021 11:45

@Dontsayyouloveme

SoniaFouler you know a lot of people do get drunk yeah?
Yes, I type, with a hangover from a party last night! Still doesn’t change that this wouldn’t have happened if both hadn’t been drunk (much like my very unwanted headache)
Hankunamatata · 21/11/2021 11:50

So you went back and fell asleep on their sofa instead of leaving when you got tired? Can see both sides. Perhaps partner wanted a nice romantic morning and not someone on their sofa?

Cherrytart23 · 21/11/2021 11:53

@SoniaFouler

You were both so drunk that A: He took “instruction” from his partner to boot you out at 2AM when there was no reason as you were not drunk enough causing mayhem and B: you agreed/accepted that you would walk 3 miles home by yourself at 2AM in the early hours of the morning. Both are unreasonable acts which wouldn’t have happened if you were both not drunk. He should have apologised this morning after it had settled.
She had no choice but to walk home. What do you think she should of done differently stayed at flat and caused an argument?
ArblemarchTFruitbat · 21/11/2021 11:55

@Hankunamatata

So you went back and fell asleep on their sofa instead of leaving when you got tired? Can see both sides. Perhaps partner wanted a nice romantic morning and not someone on their sofa?
Yes, but at 2am the time had passed for seeing the OP safely off so he and his partner could enjoy the evening. There was nothing of the evening left! Absolute common sense to leave OP asleep on sofa where she was harming no one; and if there was any question about it, the lack of a taxi should have settled it.
NeverTheHootenanny · 21/11/2021 11:59

If I had rented an Airbnb with my partner and his mate decided to sleep over uninvited I would find that really odd behaviour. Why didn’t you make plans to get yourself home, or at least ask if you could stay.

It wasn’t okay at all for him to kick you out in the middle of the night with no taxi to take you home though.

SarahAndQuack · 21/11/2021 12:05

I agree he shouldn't have kicked you out, but I would be beyond mortified if I'd got so drunk at a friend's house that I fell asleep. He was probably worrying you were so drunk you might vomit - and it's not his house, it's an air B&B so probably someone else's home.

How had you expected to get home before all of this - taxi? Were you so drunk you couldn't phone for it yourself/didn't even think of doing it?

I think when people are very drunk their memories often become very time-compressed, so I bet all of this took longer than you think, and was more disruptive.