Who is in the wrong here?

[hoodvic4]

Friend is visiting his hometown with his partner. Group of us went out last night for dinner and drinks. Afterwards friend and partner invite me back to their flat they've rented for the weekend.

It's 1.30 am and I've fallen asleep on their sofa. I am abruptly awoken by friend saying 'you need to go home'. He phones me a taxi and becomes rude to the taxi operator and other taxi taking over an hour. Friend is basically shoving me out the door at this point. So I have to walk home - 3 miles at 2 am. No text from friend to check if I even get home okay.

So this morning I text him and am like what was that about. He replies that his partner was messaging him asking him to get me to leave as he wanted to go to bed. I was sleeping...why couldn't he have went to bed?

This friend I am very close to, he has stayed over at my house I can't even count the times, when he is home visiting without his partner he will stay here 3/4 nights in a row. I run him about here there and everywhere when he is here. I have never ever kicked him out of my house.

I would understand if I was drunk causing mayhem and wanting to party but I was sleeping on the sofa. This morning he is saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise.

So am I being unreasonable or is he?

I still do not understand the bit about messaging even after the “explanation”. They were together in another room but messaged about you so they didn’t wake you up, but then work you up to chuck you out. Makes no sense.

Anyway, if a friend of mine chucked me onto the street at 2am, I wouldn’t see or speak to them ever again. I wouldn’t try to get an apology or an explanation, the friendship would just end there and then.

@Aprilx

I still do not understand the bit about messaging even after the “explanation”. They were together in another room but messaged about you so they didn’t wake you up, but then work you up to chuck you out. Makes no sense.

Anyway, if a friend of mine chucked me onto the street at 2am, I wouldn’t see or speak to them ever again. I wouldn’t try to get an apology or an explanation, the friendship would just end there and then.

Well you obviously didn't read what I wrote properly! They were in the same room as me. I don't know! I wasn't the one doing the messaging it's just what my friend told me this morning. Whether it makes no sense to you or not!!

I had a friend do this to me. He is no longer a friend. No one sends a friend out in the early hours to walk home alone.

YANBU and I really don't like having guests stay over but I would never do that. I wouldn't have even woken you up to ask you to leave... Glad he apologised now at least.

I think if you are drinking so much that you're falling asleep on someone else's sofa after a night out, you need to reassess how much you drink.

You're friend was very rude, and wouldn't be welcome at my house again. I'm guessing his partner wanted a shag.

Did they invite you to stay the night?

I kind of agree you should of got yourself home when you felt tired. If they've rented a air BnB and didn't invite you to stay with them then yes it's slightly intruding but they shouldn't of let you go without making sure a taxi was waiting outside.

@AntiHop

I think if you are drinking so much that you're falling asleep on someone else's sofa after a night out, you need to reassess how much you drink.

You're friend was very rude, and wouldn't be welcome at my house again. I'm guessing his partner wanted a shag.

I'm pretty sure that's for me to decide and I didn't ask for an opinion on my drinking behaviours thank you.

I think you were unreasonable to assume you could stay the night. They had paid for the air bnb, were you going to contribute?

Having said that, they should not have kicked you out into a dangerous situation, and should have allowed you to wait for a taxi.

What an absolute dickhead. The friendship would be over for me.

I wrote a post further up saying that there is no way he should have kicked you out and he can’t be much of a friend. Whilst I stand by these comments is there something that triggered his bizarre reaction that you urgently needed to leave? Were you so drunk that you came on to him or said something offensive about him or his partner? They are the only reasons I can think of that would have caused someone to this. Sorry if this offensive or is incorrect I’m just trying to explain his weird behaviour, not excuse it.

You didn't ask for an opinion on your drinking behaviours?

But that's what the thread is about! You got so drunk you fell asleep on someone's sofa at 1.30am. Fine, most of us have done it before, but IMO you put yourself in the wrong by doing that.

@potoforchids

I think you were unreasonable to assume you could stay the night. They had paid for the air bnb, were you going to contribute?

Having said that, they should not have kicked you out into a dangerous situation, and should have allowed you to wait for a taxi.

Of course I wasn't 🤣 just like he doesn't contribute towards my mortgage when he comes and stays at my house. We're friends.

@SarahAndQuack

You didn't ask for an opinion on your drinking behaviours?

But that's what the thread is about! You got so drunk you fell asleep on someone's sofa at 1.30am. Fine, most of us have done it before, but IMO you put yourself in the wrong by doing that.

That's fair enough to say I was in the wrong to fall asleep. But you don't know enough to tell me to assess my drinking. For all you know this could be a once a year occurrence. It just sounded very condescending and judgemental.

@Mumoftwoinprimary

“Ok - so you had to make a choice between annoying Fred and putting my safety at risk. And you chose to put my safety at risk. This means there are two possibilities. Either you are in an abusive relationship and we’re scared what Fred would do or you don’t care about me at all. If it is the first then let me know and I will support you and help you leave when you are ready. If it is the second then I don’t think you and I have anything left to say to each other.”

Perfect response.

I'd have been tempted to block him and let him worry about what had happened to me, alone, at 2am when he couldn't get through to me.

She had no choice but to walk home. What do you think she should of done differently stayed at flat and caused an argument?

That was the OPs choice. If I was in that situation I would have probably agreed to walk home at 2am and thinking it was fine after a night of drinking, rather than arguing it wasn’t safe (after drinking, I would have been more emboldened to think it was safe too) or insisting I stayed long enough to wait for a taxi, even if it had been over an hours wait. If I hadn’t been drinking, would I have agreed to it? No. If the friend in the situation had physically picked me up and threw me out at 2AM and left me to walk, it’d be a different thread entirely.
@Cherrytart23

Big difference between him coming to your house, which you own, and you coming to an air B&B he rented, though.

If he'd stayed in your house, blind drunk, and vomited everywhere, it would be grim but you could deal with it.

If you'd vomited all over the air B&B they rented for the weekend, they'd probably end up paying the host (plus being really embarrassed). I don't even know what the rules would be about having a third person over who wasn't in the original agreement about the air B&B.

@TwoMuchTwoYoung

They are both out of order, but inviting someone back for a drink who then fell asleep on the sofa would piss me off. I guess you outstayed your welcome but no way should he have let you walk home.

Your guess must come from a very mean-minded place then @TwoMuchTwoYoung, as -

This friend I am very close to, he has stayed over at my house I can't even count the times, when he is home visiting without his partner he will stay here 3/4 nights in a row. I run him about here there and everywhere when he is here. I have never ever kicked him out of my house.

I can't see how OP could possibly be seen to be outstaying her welcome, given her own generosity & hospitality.

If you get so drunk once a year that you do this, you need to assess your drinking. Sorry.

It's not the same as getting drunk at a mate's house when you've already mooted the possibility you'll stay over, or when it's their home.

You're not in the wrong OP, falling asleep drunk on a friends sofa is not a heinous crime that suited the punishment of being booted out so you had to walk home alone, still drunk.
That put you at incredible risk and your 'friend' would rather put you at that risk than say no to his DP.
I'd cool the friendship off big time.

It's totally unacceptable that your "friend" pushed you out that time of night to walk home alone and I wouldn't forgive.

However, how did you plan on getting home? Did you just assume you would be able to get a taxi? Or did you assume your friend and his DP wouldn't mind sharing with you?

I would suggest two lessons learned here OP. One - bin the friend. Two - don't get that drunk again.

@hoodvic4

He has apologised and said he was stuck between a rock and a hard place with his partner and in the heat of the moment he didn't make the right decision.

No he wasn’t

I'm guessing that his partner felt you were overstaying your welcome and wanted you out . What happened wasn't right but maybe you should be more aware in future that a couple may not want you sitting about until the early hours . They had come for the weekend , they had rented somewhere - perhaps partner felt he wanted to enjoy that without you .

Maybe their lives have moved on. Maybe the previous dynamic of getting drunk and crashing out on each other’s sofas might still work for you but doesn’t work for them anymore. I think you might need to reassess that, if there is ever a next time.

However.

Kicking a woman out to walk home on her own in the middle of the night is never ok. So you were a bit unreasonable, but they were massively so.

@IamGusFring

I'm guessing that his partner felt you were overstaying your welcome and wanted you out . What happened wasn't right but maybe you should be more aware in future that a couple may not want you sitting about until the early hours . They had come for the weekend , they had rented somewhere - perhaps partner felt he wanted to enjoy that without you .

They shouldn't have invited me back then? We were in the town centre where I could have easily gotten a taxi...

@Mumoftwoinprimary

“Ok - so you had to make a choice between annoying Fred and putting my safety at risk. And you chose to put my safety at risk. This means there are two possibilities. Either you are in an abusive relationship and we’re scared what Fred would do or you don’t care about me at all. If it is the first then let me know and I will support you and help you leave when you are ready. If it is the second then I don’t think you and I have anything left to say to each other.”

OP, I really hope you send this.

You've done a heck of a lot of running around after your 'friend'. And he's repaid you by being a total dick.

"Sorry" doesn't cut it.
"I made the wrong decision because I was drunk" doesn't cut it.

Is he just mouthing these words at you because he doesn't want to lose out on your hospitality next time he wants a rent-free bed & lifts here & there?