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Original poster

Who is in the wrong here?

398 replies

hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 10:24

Friend is visiting his hometown with his partner. Group of us went out last night for dinner and drinks. Afterwards friend and partner invite me back to their flat they've rented for the weekend.

It's 1.30 am and I've fallen asleep on their sofa. I am abruptly awoken by friend saying 'you need to go home'. He phones me a taxi and becomes rude to the taxi operator and other taxi taking over an hour. Friend is basically shoving me out the door at this point. So I have to walk home - 3 miles at 2 am. No text from friend to check if I even get home okay.

So this morning I text him and am like what was that about. He replies that his partner was messaging him asking him to get me to leave as he wanted to go to bed. I was sleeping...why couldn't he have went to bed?

This friend I am very close to, he has stayed over at my house I can't even count the times, when he is home visiting without his partner he will stay here 3/4 nights in a row. I run him about here there and everywhere when he is here. I have never ever kicked him out of my house.

I would understand if I was drunk causing mayhem and wanting to party but I was sleeping on the sofa. This morning he is saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise.

So am I being unreasonable or is he?

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 21/11/2021 12:49

"What if the OP came onto your partner or said something really offensive about you or your partner in her drunken state?

The OP’s post doesn’t make sense and I think there could be more to the story that she’s not sharing. Normal people don’t react the way her friend did without a good reason."

I would expect to be told that the following day at least. But the ops friend has said absolutely nothing about any inappropriate behaviour.

Sometimes 'normal' people are just absolute dicks. You only need to read on here to see that very clearly.

GatoradeMeBitch · 21/11/2021 12:49

Perhaps they wanted to be intimate and a friend snoring on the sofa was ruining the vibes?

Whatever it was, your friend is a shit for not even letting you wait for a taxi to come. Re-evaluate the friendship. It's not pleasant to do countless favours for someone and get nothing back.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 21/11/2021 12:51

Awful behaviour from them, but especially from your ‘friend’.

So glad you got home okay.

As to those who are making out that you somehow brought this on yourself or that you were out of order to get drunk, pay them no mind.

Original poster
hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 12:51

@IamGusFring yep I'm miffed at the fact that my friend was so worried about his partners reaction that he kicked his best mate out of his house at 2 am. I won't go to war with anyone but I will not give that partner the time of day again. If that creates distance between me and my friend then so be it.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 21/11/2021 12:52

@hoodvic4

He has apologised and said he was stuck between a rock and a hard place with his partner and in the heat of the moment he didn't make the right decision.
A rock and a hard place? No. He really wasn't.

If he can throw you out to walk alone three miles home at two in the morning - this man is not your friend.

And he'd never be invited into my home again, not for so much as a cup of tea never mind "stay here 3/4 nights in a row".

THisbackwithavengeance · 21/11/2021 12:53

Ignore the detractors OP. Talk about victim blaming. It's the same arguments used against women who are raped: you were drunk, you shouldn't have been there, you misread the signals blah blah.

It doesn't matter if you were drunk or outstaying your welcome or hadn't paid your share of the AirB&B (FFS), you shouldn't have been kicked out at 2am to walk home alone.

That's shit.

And for those saying, she must've been drunk and offensive because she fell asleep at 1.30am. I would be falling asleep at 1.30am regardless of whether or not I had alcohol. It doesn't compute that falling asleep at 1.30am = roaringly drunk.

And if they wanted a noisy shagathon, why on earth did they invite the OP back after the meet up?

I agree with those who suggested that the boyfriend fancied a shag and wanted an empty flat. If the poor chap really couldn't be expected to wait for his shag or - heaven forbid - shag quietly, they could've at least waited for a taxi. You don't ask a woman to walk home alone at 2am, you just don't.

BamberGascoine · 21/11/2021 12:53

I really don’t get why op is getting such a hard time? I don’t drink a lot but whether I had 1 gin (my usual amount) or 20 because I’m ild and knackered I would fall asleep at that time! Particularly in the warm on a nice cosy sofa!!!

There was a response above which was perfect, it may have been @itsgettingwierd and you need to use it or at least remember it for your future relationship with this friend. I worry from reading these responses you will start to take the word if random strangers on the internet who weren’t even there. He put you in a terrible position and if you soften and forgive it could be worse next time.

Had he begged forgiveness straight away it would be different but he took a while to see your point of view, to me that means there is a possibility he would do something similar again. As sad as it is I think this friendship may be over or at the least drastically changed. I wonder if deep down you know this, it’s so sad when friendships change but I honestly don’t think there’s any way back. If you wanted to test it, continue to be his friend but don’t host him or chauffeur him and see what happens.

Good luck OP, you’ve done nothing wrong here. Even if ylu were drunk and disorderly (I know you weren’t) they shouldn’t have chucked you out.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 21/11/2021 12:53

You're both in the wrong. You shouldn't expect to stay but he should accept that he has to wait for the taxi to arrive before you go home. Ultimately he comes across as the bigger arse due to the potential safety issues with you walking home alone so late.

BamberGascoine · 21/11/2021 12:54

@THisbackwithavengeance I agree. I wanted to say it was like victim blaming but was afraid of the flaming

rowenaravenclawthesecond · 21/11/2021 12:54

Well it's your entitlement that you you can just stay at their accommodation for free. I'm not surprised they were pissed off at that, though they shouldn't have kicked you out without a planned way home.

They have paid for two people, may not have been allowed more than that, they're bound by a contract, etc. There are rules to staying in an air B and B.

IamGusFring · 21/11/2021 12:54

[quote hoodvic4]@IamGusFring yep I'm miffed at the fact that my friend was so worried about his partners reaction that he kicked his best mate out of his house at 2 am. I won't go to war with anyone but I will not give that partner the time of day again. If that creates distance between me and my friend then so be it. [/quote]
Well of course it will and you will be the loser in all of this IF you want to continue to be friends with this man . He will continue to "side" with his partner . You are now talking as if friend did nothing wrong and it is ALL his partner's fault . You must be very keen to continue this friendship even after the taxi thing ?

itsallgoingpearshaped · 21/11/2021 12:54

@hoodvic4

He has apologised and said he was stuck between a rock and a hard place with his partner and in the heat of the moment he didn't make the right decision.
He fucking wasn't stuck; they'd invited you! Suddenly waking you and demanding you leave at that time in such a manner was incredibly out of order. He should have told his partner to zip it and go to sleep

I'd reconsider the friendship and make it clear he's been a complete and utter arsehole and put you in a dangerous position.

BamberGascoine · 21/11/2021 12:56

Why do people keep saying she shouldn’t expect to stay there? I read the OP as saying she accidentally fell asleep and when she was awoken was willing to get a taxi there just wasn’t any, that’s not the same as her expecting to stay. These posts always end up with putting words in to the OP’s mouth

Restart10 · 21/11/2021 12:59

Both of you are wrong but your friends behavior is unforgivable. He put you at great risk, that is not a friend. What was your plan for the night? What did you think was to happen?

TokyoDreaming · 21/11/2021 13:00

Your friend is a dick and he needs to be told.

TheFogsGettingThicker · 21/11/2021 13:00

I think the partner wanted to have noisy sex, and didn't want to risk waking you.

The reason friend didn't text to make sure you were home OK was noisy sex, then fell asleep?

But booting you out, leaving you get home alone, and not checking up on you? Not cool, not cool at all. I'd be backing away from the friendship, tbh...

MRex · 21/11/2021 13:00

This morning he is saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise.
He put you in an unsafe position and the following day stood by that. This man isn't your friend. I'd text "Ok, bye." and just block him from contacting again. Focus on making friends who care about you and life will be much more pleasant.

Luredbyapomegranate · 21/11/2021 13:03

It’s bizarre. My assumption is that something is going on between him and his partner, and somehow you got caught up in it.

It’s hard not to find it upsetting but, assuming he is generally a good friend, you gotta let it go.

I’d reply to the rock and a hard place message saying something like -

‘no you bloody didn’t make the right decision, no one should have to walk x miles home in the dead of night, never mind a lone woman.

I appreciate you and x might be having issues right now, or x didn’t really want me staying - but there is no excuse for what happened - it was weird, unkind, and forced me to walk 3 miles in the middle of the night which is not a risk I am happy to take.

We are friends. Don’t do this again.’

Then let it go. We are all dicks sometimes.

LettertoHermoine · 21/11/2021 13:04

I would have asked you to leave aswell. Falling asleep drunk in someone's rented overnight accommodation is not on. They probably did not want to deal with you in the morning either like a third hungover wheel.

However....

Not waiting for a taxi and putting you out on the street is unforgivable. A drunk woman on her own to walk home is absolutely dreadful. I understand it would have been a pain to have to sit up with you an extra hour to make sure you left and didn't go back to sleep again but anything could have happened to you walking home. They were perfectly right in wanting you to sling your hook but not in the way it panned out.

Original poster
hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 13:04

For everyone asking I definitely didn't behave inappropriately. I assumed I would get a taxi home but fell asleep. I never expected to be awoken and asked to leave though as we've always had that kind of friendship where my home is his etc we are very close. I guess dynamics have changed and that's okay. But I didn't behave in any way inappropriately. Luckily my other friend she spoke on the phone to me the whole way walking home. Woke her up and she answered, she's a gem.

OP posts:
Lasair · 21/11/2021 13:04

@hoodvic4 if you’re friend means that much to you don’t let his partner drive a wedge. Be friendly but detached. He probably wants to drive a wedge- why allow him?

whynotwhatknot · 21/11/2021 13:06

they shold have at least let you waited for a taxi i wouldnt boot anyone out alone at that time of night

AutumnLeaves21 · 21/11/2021 13:07

He was a dick. You’ve done nothing wrong. Ignore the negative comments-a lot of MUmsnetters don’t live in the real world with normal friendships/relationships, and think if you drink more than a thimble of sherry at christmas you’re an alcoholic Grin

BurntO · 21/11/2021 13:07

I’d struggle to forgive that. Who does that to a friend? He put you in danger.

Lovelymincepies · 21/11/2021 13:08

Christ he is bang out of order!

I’d have covered you in a blanket and put a glass of water beside you. Friends do not do this.

I’d point out how many times he’s stayed at yours etc and that he should not have treated you like that, he put you in danger!