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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is in the wrong here?

398 replies

hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 10:24

Friend is visiting his hometown with his partner. Group of us went out last night for dinner and drinks. Afterwards friend and partner invite me back to their flat they've rented for the weekend.

It's 1.30 am and I've fallen asleep on their sofa. I am abruptly awoken by friend saying 'you need to go home'. He phones me a taxi and becomes rude to the taxi operator and other taxi taking over an hour. Friend is basically shoving me out the door at this point. So I have to walk home - 3 miles at 2 am. No text from friend to check if I even get home okay.

So this morning I text him and am like what was that about. He replies that his partner was messaging him asking him to get me to leave as he wanted to go to bed. I was sleeping...why couldn't he have went to bed?

This friend I am very close to, he has stayed over at my house I can't even count the times, when he is home visiting without his partner he will stay here 3/4 nights in a row. I run him about here there and everywhere when he is here. I have never ever kicked him out of my house.

I would understand if I was drunk causing mayhem and wanting to party but I was sleeping on the sofa. This morning he is saying it's not a big deal, it's not shocking and won't apologise.

So am I being unreasonable or is he?

OP posts:
rowenaravenclawthesecond · 21/11/2021 12:33

Of course I wasn't 🤣 just like he doesn't contribute towards my mortgage when he comes and stays at my house. We're friends.

That is an absolutely ridiculous comparison. You aren't paying extra mortgage when he comes to stay. He is paying his rent/mortgage plus his holiday accommodation.

Yeah he was dick to put you in danger but this comment has made me think you're not the greatest!

IamGusFring · 21/11/2021 12:36

@hoodvic4

They shouldn't have invited me back then? We were in the town centre where I could have easily gotten a taxi...

Maybe he was being polite , maybe he hadn't consulted with partner ...it hurts when dynamics change because of partners but that's life . I don't imagine he was inviting you to stay the night ?

Original poster
hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 12:36

@rowenaravenclawthesecond

Of course I wasn't 🤣 just like he doesn't contribute towards my mortgage when he comes and stays at my house. We're friends.

That is an absolutely ridiculous comparison. You aren't paying extra mortgage when he comes to stay. He is paying his rent/mortgage plus his holiday accommodation.

Yeah he was dick to put you in danger but this comment has made me think you're not the greatest!

What in the world are you on about? How does me staying one night at an air bnb that they would have been staying at regardless cost extra for them? How is that anything to do with me?

When he's at my house he uses electricity/water - should I start charging him for that then? Is that what friends do? Weird comment.

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 21/11/2021 12:36

@potoforchids

I think you were unreasonable to assume you could stay the night. They had paid for the air bnb, were you going to contribute?

Having said that, they should not have kicked you out into a dangerous situation, and should have allowed you to wait for a taxi.

Contribute, @potoforchids?

Like OP's 'friend' contributes when he stays over at hers all the time, & she runs him around in her car?

funnelfanjo · 21/11/2021 12:37

You don't have to be passing-out drunk to fall asleep at 2am on someone's sofa. I've done it totally sober - late night, long day, warm dim room. I told my friends it was a compliment that I felt so comfortable and relaxed in their presence. (not sure I got away with it but we're still friends)

Original poster
hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 12:37

@rowenaravenclawthesecond

Of course I wasn't 🤣 just like he doesn't contribute towards my mortgage when he comes and stays at my house. We're friends.

That is an absolutely ridiculous comparison. You aren't paying extra mortgage when he comes to stay. He is paying his rent/mortgage plus his holiday accommodation.

Yeah he was dick to put you in danger but this comment has made me think you're not the greatest!

How is him paying for holiday accommodation as well as his mortgage anything to do with me? He would have been visiting regardless of me being there. Really trying to understand your comment but don't even see how it's relevant.
OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 21/11/2021 12:37

What in the world are you on about? How does me staying one night at an air bnb that they would have been staying at regardless cost extra for them? How is that anything to do with me?

Well, presumably they booked the air B&B for the two of them, and are responsible for extra guests/damages?

CounsellorTroi · 21/11/2021 12:38

They shouldn't have invited me back then? We were in the town centre where I could have easily gotten a taxi...

Perhaps it was a courtesy invitation they weren’t really expecting you to accept?

potoforchids · 21/11/2021 12:38

When you rent somewhere with friends you don't lodge for free. Otherwise we'd all be on free holidays that our friends pay for.

The friend not contributing when he visits is a different issue that she needs to raise with him 🤷🏻‍♀️

IncompleteSenten · 21/11/2021 12:38

That's really odd behaviour.
I can't imagine any circumstance that would make me want to kick a sleeping friend out of my house in the middle of the night.
What was his partner's issue?
If I'd been out drinking with friends, invited them back to mine and they fell asleep I'd chuck a blanket over them and head off to bed. That's what friends do.

I would not be inclined to be so helpful in future tbh.

Ourlady · 21/11/2021 12:38

He is a disgrace and no friend. Who kicks their female friends out the door in the middle of the night to walk home alone?
And his partner is a nasty twat!
I would be telling him not to bother asking to stay at yours again as they answer will be no. Harsh but he put you at massive risk.

TidyDancer · 21/11/2021 12:39

OP have you had any further contact from him today since his backpedaling?

Sweetchocolatecandy · 21/11/2021 12:39

I’m not sure why you’ve posted on the AIBU board because anyone who suggests that your behaviour wasn’t reasonable for whatever reason you either ignore or get aggressive with.

You clearly think you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong so why post?

Original poster
hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 12:39

@SarahAndQuack

What in the world are you on about? How does me staying one night at an air bnb that they would have been staying at regardless cost extra for them? How is that anything to do with me?

Well, presumably they booked the air B&B for the two of them, and are responsible for extra guests/damages?

.....but I didn't damage anything Confused what a strange way to look at it. That's like me saying that my friend can't come to my house because he might damage something, unlikely!
OP posts:
Original poster
hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 12:40

@CounsellorTroi

They shouldn't have invited me back then? We were in the town centre where I could have easily gotten a taxi...

Perhaps it was a courtesy invitation they weren’t really expecting you to accept?

Yes maybe!
OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 21/11/2021 12:41

@SarahAndQuack

Confused

You didn't ask for an opinion on your drinking behaviours?

But that's what the thread is about! You got so drunk you fell asleep on someone's sofa at 1.30am. Fine, most of us have done it before, but IMO you put yourself in the wrong by doing that.

@SarahAndQuack this may be news to you, but many humans fall asleep at or before 1:30am. Even when stone cold sober!

I appreciate that you would be "mortified" to fall asleep at a friend's house, but for most folks, it's a sign of hospitality & true friendship.
Far from "putting yourself in the wrong", it shows trust & acceptance. My mates & I overnight at each other's gaffs frequently. Obviously, none of us would fall asleep on your sofa though.
The very idea!

Original poster
hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 12:41

@Sweetchocolatecandy

I’m not sure why you’ve posted on the AIBU board because anyone who suggests that your behaviour wasn’t reasonable for whatever reason you either ignore or get aggressive with.

You clearly think you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong so why post?

Aggressive? There's a difference between being aggressive and disagreeing. I am disagreeing.
OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 21/11/2021 12:43

@SarahAndQuack

Big difference between him coming to your house, which you own, and you coming to an air B&B he rented, though.

If he'd stayed in your house, blind drunk, and vomited everywhere, it would be grim but you could deal with it.

If you'd vomited all over the air B&B they rented for the weekend, they'd probably end up paying the host (plus being really embarrassed). I don't even know what the rules would be about having a third person over who wasn't in the original agreement about the air B&B.

Oh give it a fucking rest.

Where is this imaginary vomit?

Sweetchocolatecandy · 21/11/2021 12:43

This reply has been deleted

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ChargingBuck · 21/11/2021 12:44

@IamGusFring

I'm guessing that his partner felt you were overstaying your welcome and wanted you out . What happened wasn't right but maybe you should be more aware in future that a couple may not want you sitting about until the early hours . They had come for the weekend , they had rented somewhere - perhaps partner felt he wanted to enjoy that without you .
Then perhaps partner & friend shouldn't have invited her back for a late night drink, huh?
NewlyGranny · 21/11/2021 12:44

Were you snoring like a chainsaw? That's the only excuse I can think of for waking a sleeping sofa-surfer and forcing them to leave!

It was badly done, and I might have friend to stay, with jokey warnings about 2am evictions, but never that partner...

Original poster
hoodvic4 · 21/11/2021 12:45

There's honestly not more to the story. He has apologised this morning. I think the problem is his partner rather than me to be honest. I won't be speaking to his partner again.

OP posts:
thebabessavedme · 21/11/2021 12:45

A true friend does not kick a woman out into the street in the middle of the night to walk several miles home on her own, drunk or sober.

IamGusFring · 21/11/2021 12:49

@hoodvic4

There's honestly not more to the story. He has apologised this morning. I think the problem is his partner rather than me to be honest. I won't be speaking to his partner again.
and this comment shows that you are miffed by the partner and possibly his influence on your friend's life .... he's not going to be "as close to you " as he maybe was before . It was wrong ( the taxi thing ) but things do change . It's up to you now whether you distance yourself from your friend or whether you choose to go to war with his partner .
Brownpigeon · 21/11/2021 12:49

The people that criticise the op "getting so drunk she fell asleep on the sofa". Bore off. I can do the same after half a glass of wine. Doesn't mean she was steaming.