AIBU that it bothers me how much he spends at Christmas?

[GrownUPChicken]

My husband spends what I feel is a stupid amount of money at Christmas on his children.

AIBU that it bothers me? I gave up a long time ago contributing much at all to their Christmas presents because it's just ridiculous imo and I don't want to spend my money on it.

It just bugs me every year when be starts mentioning everything he's going to buy but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable because obviously he can spend "his" money on what be likes.

We have sort of joint finances but still have our own accounts.

He typically spends his entire works bonus on Christmas presents for the children and I'm left spending mine on everyone else's / taking on more of the shopping etc to cover it.

Are they your children too?

How old are they?

How much does he spend?

Are those children from a previous relationship? How much does he spend?

'His children' so from a previous relationship? I'd assume he feels guilty and is throwing money to feel better.

You're obviously not being unreasonable if you end up making up his share of your joint expenses as a result of him leaving himself short.

Sorry yes they are my step children.

I'd say he can easily spend £600+ each. He once spent nearly £900 one year and I was so angry. It just seems utterly ludicrous to me.

But how old are they?

I do make it up in the sense that I'm the one who then buys everyone else's presents because he can't.

Even if I weren't though I'd still be pissed off about it.

@WorraLiberty

But how old are they?

8 & 12.

It’s one thing him choosing to spend his own money on them, but if you end up subsidising him because he’s spent it all then it’s actually you paying for them.

I’d make sure he’s paying his way with the rest of Xmas regardless of what he spends elsewhere, not your circus not your monkeys etc

I don't know why it would matter how old they are though, it seems a stupid amount regardless of age.

You should decide a budget together for everyone else's presents and contribute equally.

Then it's up to him how much he spends on his kids out of his own money.

@GrownUPChicken

I do make it up in the sense that I'm the one who then buys everyone else's presents because he can't.

Even if I weren't though I'd still be pissed off about it.

I don't think YABU. I would find that amount absurd regardless too, but it's really out of line that it ends up costing you, if the other presents you talk about are for mutual connections.

Spell out now that he has to put xx amount into the joint gift pot, and the food shop pot, this month so that you don’t end up out of pocket again on December. Then whatever he has left next month he can spend on his kids.

Does he at least buy you something decent too?

@GrownUPChicken

I don't know why it would matter how old they are though, it seems a stupid amount regardless of age.

Because old kids tend want phones/electronic gadgets/consoles/laptops.

3 and 4 year olds not so much.

*older

Who are you then buying for because he can't afford it? That would be the sticking point for me. That he can't manage his money well.

Can you talk to him now and say look, I normally spend X on these people so can you give me your half now / I'm using the joint account?

What is he buying to spend all that money on them? Is he usually a Disney Dad?

Does he at least buy you something decent too?

Well obviously no where near something to that value but I wouldn't want him to! He does get me something nice typically though yes. I'd be pissed off if he spent that much on me as well!

@Bellfor

'His children' so from a previous relationship? I'd assume he feels guilty and is throwing money to feel better.

Nonsense. My XH spends hundreds on our daughter. Because he likes to get her things, has a great income, and was brought up in the fortunate position of being able to buy quality. I don’t like the man, but even I will say that he doesn’t feel guilty in the slightest and isn’t doing anything to make himself feel better. Chances are this man is the same - simply spending what he wants to spend.

he's spending ridiculous amounts to make up for the fact he's probably a bit absent in their life....

Buy for your own family. From you. Leave his side to him. Then he can spend whatever HE can afford.

Don’t subsidise him. What are you paying for because if his splurging?

Be clear this year that you won’t sub him.

It’s a ludicrous amount at any age but I know teens tend to get even more expensive so if they were at “peak Xmas spend” already it might not be so bad. Unfortunately it’s only going to get more expensive as they get older!

My DS wanted a gaming computer last year for example, so DP, my XH and I all contributed to it. It was a huge gift, but he is studying coding so was for college as well as playing games, so we justified it. They all want expensive phones, iPads, designer clothes etc so whatever he’s buying for preteens now, double it in future. You need to nip this in the bud before that point.

I daresay that in all honesty, my husband would think I spend far more than necessary on my (not his) child, and more than he ever did on his adult children. I actually spend more on my adult stepchildren than he does!

However, I consider that none of his business - as does he. My money, my child. I’ve earned it and my contribution to the household is fine and fair.

In what way are you going short because of this?

It depends what he is buying. if it's 500 each on a load of plastic toys then yanbu but when it comes to consoles a ps5 is 500 alone. switch 260. once you've added a few toys it can easily cost a lot.