Airport collection AIBU?

[SadlyMissTaken]

I've been abroad for two weeks. I live 1.5 - 2 hrs from Heathrow by tube/train. DP twice mentioned over phone he might come and collect me as I was getting in v early so no traffic. He said he would text to let me know. I told him now he had brought it up I would be upset if he didn't turn up (got in today, Saturday and he has nothing else on). He said he wasn't guaranteeing.
Flight landed earlier than schedule. No text from DP. Tore through arrivals to see him. Not there at exit. Eventually called. No answer. Called again. Still in bed and apparently pissed off I woke him up. Am furious. He says he made clear it was a maybe. AIBU?

Oh for goodness sake… after what you’ve written about your friend dying and his lack of support then, and now you HAVE NOT overreacted.

But if the friends death was in any way relevant to whether she should expect a lift, you’d have thought that nugget of information would be in the OP.

@BoredZelda
And you'd have thought that if the primary goal of travelling was to simply get headspace from grief you would get an easy flight within Europe not a "long flight"

Ah well, there you go, op. You got the wrong kind of flight to deserve a lift home 🤣

You shouldnhave just booked a cab
I had a nearly 2 hour drive home from Heathrow this week for just over £100. A 40 minute cab was probably similar to what you paid on the train.

@FourTeaFallOut

Do we really have to fuck the environment further by needing to be collected by car, when public transport is usually faster and easier?

Oh, please. It's like worrying about the aftereight mint after stuffing down Christmas dinner.

About 120 million air passengers land in the UK in a normal year. You don't think 120 million additional car journeys are environmentally significant?

It's small change compared to the 120 million flights.

@FourTeaFallOut

It's small change compared to the 120 million flights.

Careful of comparing apples and oranges…

It’s not 120 million flights into the UK a year, that would truly be …

For the UK in 2019 the total number of international arriving flights was of the order of a million (1 million).

What? I'm just comparing the huge gulf between the carbon footprint of a seat on a plane compared to an onward journey home by car, in response to the previous poster

OP, he couldn't be arsed.

YANBU.

Do you do things for him?

Stop.

Have a hard think about this relationship.

He is selfish, lazy and can't be arsed to do something that someone who really cared for you would do IMO.

@FourTeaFallOut

What? I'm just comparing the huge gulf between the carbon footprint of a seat on a plane compared to an onward journey home by car, in response to the previous poster

How are you comparing?

[quote Valeriane]@BoredZelda
And you'd have thought that if the primary goal of travelling was to simply get headspace from grief you would get an easy flight within Europe not a "long flight"[/quote]
When YOUR best mate dies, you can pop back & inform us of the correct grieving procedure, & how many air miles you get to collect @Valeriane.

Until then, WTF was the point of your nasty little gibe?

@SadlyMissTaken

On reflection I think I did overreact and should have assumed he wasn't coming rather than the opposite. I also think it was wrong of him to introduce the uncertainty and then not text me a decision before he went to bed. After a long flight I didn't need to be sitting there at arrivals wondering if he was there or not, or to get attitude when I finally got through to him.

I think you're quite right to be upset. You didn't ask him to collect you, he suggested it, and then turned it into a maybe. I'd be very annoyed that I was schelping his duty free home on the tube.

Assuming this was today, there would be very little traffic first thing on a saturday morning

I'd always collect my loved ones from an airport if I could, thought it was normal. My DH would always have done the same.

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

That he just doesn't automatically do stuff like this for you in the first place. I am not that keen on driving but I don't think 40 min is far and I wouldn't even question it if it saved my husband traipsing over London - changing tubes and trains with suitcases and taking him an extra hour after a 13 hour flight. I'd just go and pick him up, and he'd do the same for me, just because that's what a partnership is, doing nice things for each other or helping each other out, otherwise just what's the point?

This. ^ As I said earlier, this is what close, loving couples do for each other in close, loving relationships. Doesn't sound like what the OP has. Sadly...

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

This is such an old-fashioned and weird attitude - something I associate with my grandparents' generation. Most of us are very familiar with air travel these days. Airports usually have great public transport connections and are a PITA to reach by car, because of high traffic volumes. Do we really have to fuck the environment further by needing to be collected by car, when public transport is usually faster and easier?

You clearly live in cloud cuckoo land...

Not everyone has a great direct route to and from the airport! And for the VAST majority of people, it is NOT quicker by public transport, indeed it is probably 2-3 times slower!!!

I live 15 miles from a train station, (It takes 35 - 40 minutes in the car as it's in the middle of a big town,) and my village has no public transport, so we would have to get a taxi.

It's a 75 minutes drive to the airport from my house.

It would take me (and DH) 3 hours by public transport (taxi/train - 2 changes.) And as a few posters have said, half the time the place would be too late or too early for public transport anyway.

To suggest we take public transport which would take 3 hours, and lots of waiting around, being pushed and shoved, probably getting no seat on the train, (and waiting around for train connections,) when it's just over an hour's drive; is pathetic and ridiculous. Who the fuck gets public transport to the airport, unless they live half hour's bus ride to it, and their plane leaves at 11am?

Many holidays include transfers via a minibus, and if they don't, people get a taxi, get someone to take them, or take the car and leave it there. I have never known ANYone (outside of London,) get public transport to the AIRPORT.

When I'm collecting someone from the airport I check their flight arrivals - it's updated live. So the fact he wasn't there when he hadn't confirmed was a pretty clear indication that he wasn't coming.
However I can't imagine being in a relationship where my partner couldn't be arsed to come get me if the alternative was two tubes and a train and twice the time. In fact if he couldn't make it I'd expect him to arrange a taxi to meet me.

Third paragraph from last should read 'And as a few posters have said, half the time the FLIGHT would be too late or too early for public transport anyway.'

No idea why I wrote 'place.'

I don't think you have over reacted.
If he didn't want to do it, he should have said it straight out.
"I always said maybe" is neither a confirmation one way or the other, an apology or an excuse.
He is too lazy to even communicate properly and was cross that you had to wake him up to get an answer.
I wouldn't be giving him the duty free you had to haul home for him.

How are you comparing?

By the scale of difference between the distance travelled in both modes of travel. Are you going to keep going until you find way for your snotty post to make sense?

I have read your updates the tone of his texts was awful, it seems completely deliberate tbh - he got your hopes up, he showed you little compassion when you friend died.

You had nice chats what you were aware, do you not usually?

OP don't set your bar so fucking low!

"Maybe I might pick you up" is bullshit, put there to raise your hopes.

My DP wouldn't think twice to pick me up. Most people's wouldn't, and if they say otherwise their bar is also too low.

Given the context, I think this would be a deal breaker for me.

I'm so sorry about your friend

He sounds awful OP

He really does sound awful.

OP is clearly way more into him than he is to her, and doesn't he know it.

He can be as selfish as he likes and she will apparently accept it.

13 hour flight after suffering a painful bereavement and going away to help process?

He clearly doesn't give a damn.

OP, you are wasting your time.
You deserve better.

I hope he refunds the duty free.
Seriously. He sounds like a selfish game playing jerk

Been with my DP for 8 years. If either of us needed a lift home after being away for 2 weeks we'd be there for each other.
Did he say anything about how he was looking forward to having you home when you were away?
Fair enough 2 weeks doesn't seem long to some people but when my partner went away for 5 days he was saying he missed us after a couple of days, he is quite a homebody though so 🤷🏻‍♀️