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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Airport collection AIBU?

225 replies

SadlyMissTaken · 20/11/2021 11:17

I've been abroad for two weeks. I live 1.5 - 2 hrs from Heathrow by tube/train. DP twice mentioned over phone he might come and collect me as I was getting in v early so no traffic. He said he would text to let me know. I told him now he had brought it up I would be upset if he didn't turn up (got in today, Saturday and he has nothing else on). He said he wasn't guaranteeing.
Flight landed earlier than schedule. No text from DP. Tore through arrivals to see him. Not there at exit. Eventually called. No answer. Called again. Still in bed and apparently pissed off I woke him up. Am furious. He says he made clear it was a maybe. AIBU?

OP posts:
Whitney168 · 20/11/2021 12:21

I'm another here who couldn't imagine a relationship (partner or family actually) where I wouldn't have dropped you off at the airport and collected you. My husband/family would absolutely do the same for me in reverse.

Surely this is just what people do for each other to make life nicer, unless there is a valid reason it's not possible? (A lie in not being that!)

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 20/11/2021 12:23

@SadlyMissTaken

We have been together 11 years. I have been questioning the relationship as he makes so little effort. Hee wouldn't go out for dinner on my last night in the uk. No other plans, just couldn't be arsed. I was really looking forward to seeing him and too pleased he was even thinking about coming to get me. Should have assumed no text no show instead of other way round.
He isn’t going to change. This is who he is.
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 20/11/2021 12:23

@Whitney168

I'm another here who couldn't imagine a relationship (partner or family actually) where I wouldn't have dropped you off at the airport and collected you. My husband/family would absolutely do the same for me in reverse.

Surely this is just what people do for each other to make life nicer, unless there is a valid reason it's not possible? (A lie in not being that!)

Yes. It’s quiet an alien concept to me that it’s too much hassle to lift a partner from the airport. Sometimes family life is a hassle, so what? That’s life.
Itsnotallaboutyoubaby · 20/11/2021 12:23

I wouldn’t be giving him the duty free stuff for a start!

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 20/11/2021 12:24

Honestly @SadlyMissTaken this is the icing on the cake for you.

So take your life in hand. Stop waiting for crumbs and get out of there. He doesn’t value you.

FourTeaFallOut · 20/11/2021 12:25

It's often actually easier to get the train

Was it really easier for you and your child to take a packed train after a long haul flight? Bollocks it was.

Babymamaroon · 20/11/2021 12:26

I think the larger, more concerning thing is he couldn't be arsed to get you.

After a 13 hour flight, no commitments stopping me, I'd get my DH without a doubt. People who love each other are kind to each other.

He has shown you you're not a priority and he chose not to be kind. That would be the ultimate red flag for me and why I would get out of the relationship.

RubyFakeLips · 20/11/2021 12:26

WTF is going on?!

Maybe, I'm completely neurotic but I'm well travelled and wouldn't have been happy flying home without knowing the arrangements were firmed up. Why is he mucking you around like this? Disrespect. Tell me you will be there or you won't be, what good is a maybe. Who comes off a 13 hour flight wanting to problem solve.

What are you getting from this relationship? If this is standard for you, i would go elsewhere. Theres not a fucking chance in hell my DH wouldn't pick me up because he didn't wake up then have the cheek to ask me to get something for him in duty free.

You are not a priority for this man.

Muchuseaschocolateteapot · 20/11/2021 12:26

A maybe would piss me off far more than a no. That means he considered it but couldn’t be arsed! His loss, you would have been delighted if he had picked you up and a delighted partner feeling loved is usually very grateful in lots of ways 😉. Ditch him. Maybe sucks.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 20/11/2021 12:29

It's often actually easier to get the train.

Yeah, for your husband…

BungleandGeorge · 20/11/2021 12:29

I wouldn’t ask a family member or partner to go to all the hassle and time wasting involved in airport pick up from Britain’s busiest airport. I’d be quite happy for them to put a taxi fare through the household expenses or arrange it for them when they were away etc. Everyone is different I guess but I think the issue here is basically that OP feels partner doesn’t care much about them. Either he doesn’t or you’ve both become complacent which can happen over a long term relationship. If the second it’s probably worth working on?

kowari · 20/11/2021 12:29

@FourTeaFallOut

It's often actually easier to get the train

Was it really easier for you and your child to take a packed train after a long haul flight? Bollocks it was.

Yes, the train was quicker than going by road in our case, so if we were picked up it would have taken more than double as long for the person collecting us.
supremelybaffled · 20/11/2021 12:29

Well... he's not a keeper then, is he?

If a lie-in is more important to him than collecting you from the airport when he hasn't seen you for a fortnight, then it's obvious he doesn't care all that much. If he did, then he'd have been there.

BurntO · 20/11/2021 12:31

Why would assume he was there on landing if he hadn’t been In Touch AND you landed early Hmm

Lokdok · 20/11/2021 12:32

He's a selfish arsehole and I wouldn't want to be with someone that mean and lazy. But you're unreasonable because he didn't actually say yes. You needed a route home, so you should have booked the train and LTB.

FatBettyintheCoop · 20/11/2021 12:33

Mine doesn’t drive so he’d never offer to pick me up but…he always makes a huge fuss on my return when I’ve been away without him. Special treats and jobs done in the house and garden etc.

OP, is this really what you want your life to be like?

The fact he couldn’t be bothered to text you about collection is crap but to complain when you woke him up?? Has he done anything to redeem himself since you got home? He doesn’t sound like much of a prize?

I’d ditch him and focus on yourself. This doesn’t sounds like a partnership worth having.

FourTeaFallOut · 20/11/2021 12:33

Twice as long maybe but only twice as long for the person who didn't just spend an entire day travelling with a child and in your own space in your own car and not squished, without seating space, with all your luggage and a shattered kid on a crowded train? So you save yourself parking money and a bit of time and effort?

Keep that.

Thethreecs · 20/11/2021 12:35

I can never understand why partner's don't pick up the other person if they are available.

My dh would and has driven 1.5hrs one way to collect me from the airport and vice versa and wait in airport and then do 1.5hours home.

He always has a huge smile on his face and grabs me for hug. We're 25 years together.

When I hear of people left waiting at airports, having to get public transport with luggage it breaks my heart. He could have easily picked you up.

MoonGeek · 20/11/2021 12:36

He doesn't sounds very nice.

Needdoughnuts · 20/11/2021 12:38

Being kind, (delusional) I imagine he was knackered overnight from getting the house spick and span for op's return and shopping for her favourite foods that he is intending to cook tonight to show how much he loves her and how much he's missed her.

FourTeaFallOut · 20/11/2021 12:39

@Needdoughnuts

Being kind, (delusional) I imagine he was knackered overnight from getting the house spick and span for op's return and shopping for her favourite foods that he is intending to cook tonight to show how much he loves her and how much he's missed her.
Let us know how that goes, op! Grin
Original poster
SadlyMissTaken · 20/11/2021 12:41

I was really looking forward to seeing him. I did make assumptions I shouldn't have done I think

OP posts:
MintMatchmaker · 20/11/2021 12:42

He couldn’t be bothered. I would be hurt too.

Original poster
SadlyMissTaken · 20/11/2021 12:43

Spick and span... I had to clean the bathroom when I got in, it was gross.

OP posts:
Youdoyoutoday · 20/11/2021 12:43

Such strange behaviour from your DH, why even bother suggesting it?
If I went away for 2 weeks, I would expect my DP to pick me up but as we have kids, it would be easier for him to stay at home with the kids rather than dragging them along. No kids involved, I'd have the hump if he didn't do it as I would do it for him.