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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Airport collection AIBU?

225 replies

SadlyMissTaken · 20/11/2021 11:17

I've been abroad for two weeks. I live 1.5 - 2 hrs from Heathrow by tube/train. DP twice mentioned over phone he might come and collect me as I was getting in v early so no traffic. He said he would text to let me know. I told him now he had brought it up I would be upset if he didn't turn up (got in today, Saturday and he has nothing else on). He said he wasn't guaranteeing.
Flight landed earlier than schedule. No text from DP. Tore through arrivals to see him. Not there at exit. Eventually called. No answer. Called again. Still in bed and apparently pissed off I woke him up. Am furious. He says he made clear it was a maybe. AIBU?

OP posts:
kowari · 20/11/2021 12:05

@SadlyMissTaken

I didn't ask for a pickup and didn't think about it before he raised it. It is a 40 min drive. No big night before. 13 hour flight. I went back on the train. Took me 1 hr 45.
It would likely have taken him just as, or almost as long, 1hr 20 round trip plus waiting time, it wouldn't have saved much or any time so I wouldn't be upset about him not picking me up. I would have asked for a definite yes or no ahead of time.
PingedPotato · 20/11/2021 12:05

He should have told you he couldn't. What an idiot.

PuppyMonkey · 20/11/2021 12:05

Agree with @poorbuthappy

Sounds like a pretty strange relationship to me, not really like "partners." Hmm

FourTeaFallOut · 20/11/2021 12:05

Ask him while you decant his duty free shit in to the sink?

Tee20x · 20/11/2021 12:06

If that was difficult for you because of lots of luggage etc you should have asked him as a favour and if he refused to help maybe then be annoyed

I also agree with this tbh. Why wouldn't you just ask him if you wanted a lift home instead of having a wishy washy discussion about it and then assuming he'd be there when he hadn't even agreed or confirmed.

I think this is where a lot of issues stem from - miscommunication and then one person becoming angry and annoyed at the other.

On the other hand though your other posts paint him as being extremely uncaring in his nature and he sounds a bit crap if I'm honest.

PingedPotato · 20/11/2021 12:06

It's not even the not picking you up that would annoy me its the pretending he might and then not telling you he couldn't.

Lazydaisydaydream · 20/11/2021 12:06

If you didn’t ring him you wouldn’t know if he was there or not…. Does he not understand that?

But agree with previous posters, he never had any intention of doing it he just wanted the praise of suggesting it. I’d be reevaluating a lot about the relationship and seeing what other warning signs I might have been ignoring.

BungleandGeorge · 20/11/2021 12:07

I even message the taxi driver to let them know we’re on the plane and leaving on time/ not on time and as soon as we touch down to say we’ve arrived. I just can’t really understand why you’d expect him to just be there in the early morning when your flight was early? It sounds like maybe both of you aren’t communicating/ thinking of each other as much as you could

HoppingPavlova · 20/11/2021 12:07

I get it from DH’s perspective re pick-up. Pre-Covid when I was doing a bit of travelling with work he would often happily drop me off for a flight but never once picked up. The number of times my plane was late in was laughable. Often, you can’t advise as several times I was on time until hitting the tarmac, something would happen, flight queue stopped, phones on airplane mode and by time I was due to land was still sitting in the queue.

I once volunteered to pick up DH from airport and had said similar to above - got there and he hadn’t even taken off and was sitting in plane. Never. Again. Parking fee could have paid for a small house but I’d rather that than driving around for hours.

WonderfulYou · 20/11/2021 12:08

We talked about it literally just before I left for the airport to fly home. His position was maybe and he would let me know by text either way. Which he didn't do. I then waited as I was early. Then rang and he didn't initially answer.

So you knew it was probably a no then as you hadn’t heard from him.

You should have absolutely pushed for a yes or no.

I would have picked my partner up from the airport and would expect the same back, but I would have got a definite yes or no from them to make sure.

DentalWorries · 20/11/2021 12:08

I think he is unreasonable. I’d only been with DP for a couple of months when I came back from 10 days away long haul. My flight landed at 7am and he lives an hours drive from Heathrow. He was there to pick me up, drove me back to his house where there was a new dressing gown and slippers waiting for me, ran me a bath before leaving to get to work for 9.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 20/11/2021 12:09

@poorbuthappy

Who on earth says I might pick you up from the airport?? What bloody use is that?.don't get me wrong you prob should have confirmed (ok deffo) but seriously? I don't get this at all.
I know, right?

“I might pick you up” the unspoken part of that sentence is “if I can be bothered”.

Because if there was an actual reason he mightn’t be able to come he would have said “I might have the work/I’m out the night before/in seeing my mate Jim in the morning” but he didn’t. So there was no reason.

3luckystars · 20/11/2021 12:09

Do you live together ?

Sounds like you were expecting him to be nice and pick you up but he didn’t think it was that big of a deal.

You are very different and maybe the holiday told you that but you are upset now and are finding it hard to accept it.

The only worse thing than spending 11 years with the wrong person is spending 22 or 33 years with the wrong person. Al the best.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 20/11/2021 12:10

What time were you due to land? I think YANBU but the degree of his dickish behaviour depends on what time he would have had to leave to get you.
I'm assuming you live together? Rather than a an hour away from him for example which would change things somewhat.

WaltzingBetty · 20/11/2021 12:11

I think if my husband of 11 years expected me to schlep my luggage on 3 public transport connections for nearly 2 hours after a 13 hour flight whilst jet lagged and exhausted because he fancied a lie in, I'd be rethinking my marriage

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 20/11/2021 12:12

I also agree with this tbh. Why wouldn't you just ask him if you wanted a lift home instead of having a wishy washy discussion about it and then assuming he'd be there when he hadn't even agreed or confirmed.

I don’t think you’ve read the OP properly. OP didn’t want a lift home. He was the one that raised the subject and said he might collect her, and then said he would let her know. Neither of which he did.

StrawberrySanta · 20/11/2021 12:12

I can't believe he didn't come for you! I'd be fuming if my DH just couldn't be bothered to get me after I've had a long flight like that. Honestly id be having a serious talk about whether the relationship can carry on as it sounds like it was the icing on the cake of a string of problems

FlowerFlour · 20/11/2021 12:14

He sounds like a selfish arse, not necessarily for not picking you up - it was very early on a weekend, a decent drive, and pick ups at the airport are tricky these days - but for leaving you hanging. He should have given you clarity, instead he shouted at you for waking him up (when you've been on a 13 hour flight!).

If I was left worrying at the airport waiting for him, then got shouted at, then had to get 3 trains with heavy bags after such a long journey I would be INCANDESCENT by the time I got home.

It just shows a lack of care doesn't it? He doesn't give a crap about seeing you, doesn't feel bad for letting you down, doesn't care that you had to drag your bags around on 3 trains to get home. If he doesn't care about you what's the point?

WonderfulYou · 20/11/2021 12:14

I don’t think you’ve read the OP properly. OP didn’t want a lift home. He was the one that raised the subject and said he might collect her, and then said he would let her know. Neither of which he did.

She could have told him she didn’t want a lift then.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 20/11/2021 12:15

She could have told him she didn’t want a lift then.

Why? If he was offering? Confused she didn’t know he wasn’t going to turn up until she got in and he hasn’t turned up.

Original poster
SadlyMissTaken · 20/11/2021 12:17

We live together. It is the icing.

OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 20/11/2021 12:19

She could have told him she didn’t want a lift then

She didn't expect a lift home prior to a conversation when he said that he might give her a lift home and then couldn't be arsed to either pick her up or text and tell her that, on reflection, she wasn't worth the effort.

Sure, you'd be cool with that.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 20/11/2021 12:19

Never mind the icing, the cake isn't up to much is it

You live together and he couldn't be arsed to come and get you knowing it's a 3 train journey with luggage

He sounds like a prick

kowari · 20/11/2021 12:20

@WaltzingBetty

I think if my husband of 11 years expected me to schlep my luggage on 3 public transport connections for nearly 2 hours after a 13 hour flight whilst jet lagged and exhausted because he fancied a lie in, I'd be rethinking my marriage
I did over an hour train journey standing up with a seven year old after 24 hours of flights. You have to remember it's double the distance for the other person plus waiting time and parking costs. It's often actually easier to get the train.
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 20/11/2021 12:21

There was only one time I didn’t lift my DP from the airport which was about 45-50 minutes away. I didn’t lift him because I was 38 weeks pregnant and had a 3 year old and his flight was getting in at 11:30pm. I was totally wiped out exhausted and had awful hip pain that sitting in a car for 2 hours would exacerbate. But I told him a couple of days before hand I wouldn’t be collecting him and he arranged a lift.