”I told him now he had brought it up I would be upset if he didn't turn up (got in today, Saturday and he has nothing else on). He said he wasn't guaranteeing.”
This seems like an odd exchange. Your comment sounds passive aggressive. If someone said to me they might pick me up, I’d say something positive, like “oh that would be brilliant, if you could please.”
Was it said truly lightheartedly? Or is there some backstory regarding the relationship between you. I might be reading too much between the lines, but I find myself wondering whether he has form for making offers that he has no intention of keeping and, with that in mind, you were looking for a way to guilt him into it.
For what it’s worth, even if you had guilted him into it, it would leave a bad taste afterwards. Had he done it, it would have been grudging, rather than done with joy and out of love.
It does sound as if there’s bad communication going on and perhaps you’re playing games where you know it’s really dead in the water, but find yourself with moments of high hope, where you believe he has a chance to prove himself, but then he fails again, but rather than leaving, you carry on, hoping for a different answer next time.
Eleven years is a long time. You should be comfortable and able to communicate easily by now. The only other thing I remember you telling us about him is that he’s lazy. Without reading again, I’m not sure, but I don’t recall you making any “he’s a brilliant partner in other ways” defence. I’m strongly getting the impression this relationship is really at an end, and perhaps you’re continuing from inertia, not love.
If you feel like you might want to leave and need advice, you’d be better posting on the Relationships board. The vipers there might help you to assess more generally, and if you decide to leave, will give you loads of practical advice and a hand hold as you go through it.
Best of luck.