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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Airport collection AIBU?

225 replies

SadlyMissTaken · 20/11/2021 11:17

I've been abroad for two weeks. I live 1.5 - 2 hrs from Heathrow by tube/train. DP twice mentioned over phone he might come and collect me as I was getting in v early so no traffic. He said he would text to let me know. I told him now he had brought it up I would be upset if he didn't turn up (got in today, Saturday and he has nothing else on). He said he wasn't guaranteeing.
Flight landed earlier than schedule. No text from DP. Tore through arrivals to see him. Not there at exit. Eventually called. No answer. Called again. Still in bed and apparently pissed off I woke him up. Am furious. He says he made clear it was a maybe. AIBU?

OP posts:
claymodels · 20/11/2021 11:50

@SadlyMissTaken

We talked about it literally just before I left for the airport to fly home. His position was maybe and he would let me know by text either way. Which he didn't do. I then waited as I was early. Then rang and he didn't initially answer.

This makes it even stranger imo. Did you not have any sort of discussion about what would happen when you were planning the trip? If I was leaving the house for 2 weeks we would have discussed anything that needed arranging before I left, including whether he was collecting me or if I would just get my own way back and see him at home.

chonkybuoy · 20/11/2021 11:50

How long would the round trip have taken him?

Itsnotallaboutyoubaby · 20/11/2021 11:51

That’s a bit off of him 2bh

Yayaga · 20/11/2021 11:51

On paper he sounds unreasonable.

But re your dinner, you were going away for a 2 week trip, not a 6 month posting. Maybe he just wanted to chill at home with you. Then, he said he might be coming to pick you up, and you laid it on pretty thick telling him you would be disappointed if he didn't. It sounds intense.

claymodels · 20/11/2021 11:52

@SadlyMissTaken

I should have pushed for a yes or no, you are all right.

I suspect you were scared to do this in case he said no. Sounds like he actually has you dangling. Is he like this at home? Day to day? Leaving you unsure of what's happening and too scared to ask in case of rejection?

annonymousse · 20/11/2021 11:53

I think I just wouldn't have bothered going home.

Original poster
SadlyMissTaken · 20/11/2021 11:53

Round trip would be 2 x 40 mins driving. I didn't raise it as I assumed he wouldn't collect me as he has only once done it before from a different airport.

OP posts:
JurgensCakeBaby · 20/11/2021 11:54

You shouldn't have to push for anything. You made a simple request that wasn't actually asking a lot, who answers a yes no question with maybe without a valid reason?? Maybe I might be working that day I can let you know by Monday is fine, maybe I don't know if I can be bothered and I'm not going to let you know either way is fucking rude.

I'm not precious OP and travelled all over on my own for my previous job, some whilst heavily pregnant, but there's no way for the sake of a 40 minute drive DH wouldn't have picked me up from the airport if he had nothing else to do. If he couldn't he would've told me that when I asked.

starfishmummy · 20/11/2021 11:54

I would have take it as he wasn't going to bother.

Eeiliethya · 20/11/2021 11:54

Yeah he didn't have to but I'd be mightily fucked off if my DP chose to spend the morning in bed rather than pick me up and let me spend nearly 2 hours more travelling.

Not to mention the fact we'd not seen each other for 2 weeks.

I wouldn't be doing that fucker any favours any time soon put it that way.

YANBU

Waahingwashingwashing · 20/11/2021 11:55

Honestly. If he never picks you up, in 11 years, surely you know he’s not picking you up when he hasn’t said he is?

Original poster
SadlyMissTaken · 20/11/2021 11:55

My partner works away during the week so going out for dinner the weekend before I left would have been nice anyway.

OP posts:
Tee20x · 20/11/2021 11:55

I think YABU.. he said he might come and would text you to let you know. To me I take that to mean he would let you know....if he would be coming.

He didn't text to say he would be there so why are you tearing through arrivals expecting him to be there.

If it was a different scenario - your friend said she might pop over on an evening but she'd let you know. I'd only expect a text if she would be coming...or if you might meet up over the weekend...again you wouldn't leave your house to meet them unless they'd contacted you to confirm?

Not the same as him saying yeah he'd be there and not showing up.

Anyway I do think he should have come to get you though. Such a long flight and then having to travel back with luggage is a killer.

HoseMeDownWithHolyWater · 20/11/2021 11:56

It's cruel if he never had any intention of actually doing it, I mean. Why say you "might" do something and then leave OP hanging like that?

BungleandGeorge · 20/11/2021 11:56

He didn’t say he was picking you up? I wouldn’t have assumed he was at all. Airport pick ups are a massive pita. You never know quite when the plane will arrive, or when you’ll clear baggage reclaim etc. Can’t wait near the airport, parking costs a fortune. Heathrow is the worst of all. If it’s only a 40 minute drive surely you’d expect to call for a lift after you landed rather than expect him there waiting. Or did you want him there waiting hours early for your flight which might be early? You’ve been together 11 years I don’t think it says anything negative about your relationship that he was happy for you to get the train. If that was difficult for you because of lots of luggage etc you should have asked him as a favour and if he refused to help maybe then be annoyed

Needdoughnuts · 20/11/2021 11:59

He only suggested it to make him appear caring. I bet it never crossed his mind again. Consider what else he does, this incident might be what's needed to think about the future as someone who is not a priority.

FourTeaFallOut · 20/11/2021 11:59

I put yabu but only because I think you need to nail down plans before you consider them the likely outcome. But I couldn't be arsed to put my emotional energy in to someone who seems so lukewarm and apathetic about our relationship.

poorbuthappy · 20/11/2021 12:00

Who on earth says I might pick you up from the airport?? What bloody use is that?.don't get me wrong you prob should have confirmed (ok deffo) but seriously? I don't get this at all.

Original poster
SadlyMissTaken · 20/11/2021 12:01

Thanks for all the input. It's helpful. Am calming down a bit now! I still don't understand why he dangled the prospect of a pick up over me the night before. Yes I had a lot of luggage including stuff he asked me to get in duty free (though that wasn't heavy)

OP posts:
lanthanum · 20/11/2021 12:02

@SadlyMissTaken

He said he would let me know though. No text on landing so I assumed he would be there
I think that was a mistaken assumption. His reasoning would be "I'll come if I can face getting up that early; if I manage it, I'll text when I leave so that you know to expect me." Texting if he couldn't get himself awake at 5am (or whatever) was unlikely to happen.

At least next time you know to ask for clarification. And you know how high a priority you are compared to his sleep.

Herecomesthesun70 · 20/11/2021 12:02

He sounds bloody awful. I would definitely have expected a pick up.

I'd be really upset too

Shedmistress · 20/11/2021 12:03

How were you to know at the point of arrival if he was waiting round the corner in the car or in bed not giving a shiny shit? Are you supposed to be a mind reader?

I think you need to revisit this relationship. I wouldn't in a million years leave my partner in the middle of the night to make his own way home after a long or even short flight.

Pawprintpaper · 20/11/2021 12:03

@Needdoughnuts

He only suggested it to make him appear caring. I bet it never crossed his mind again. Consider what else he does, this incident might be what's needed to think about the future as someone who is not a priority.
This
noink · 20/11/2021 12:04

@Mybalconyiscracking

I’d hand my DH his arse if he didn’t pick me up from an airport that was 40 minutes away. Why did you accept a “maybe” in the first place?
Absolutely this. Surely it's an acceptable expectation in a marriage. DH would also come because after 2 weeks he'd be really excited to see me and me him
RandomMess · 20/11/2021 12:05

I think it was horrible for him to dangle it, not let you know either way and then be angry at you for calling.

Not the behaviour of a loving partner is it?

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