Airport collection AIBU?

[SadlyMissTaken]

I've been abroad for two weeks. I live 1.5 - 2 hrs from Heathrow by tube/train. DP twice mentioned over phone he might come and collect me as I was getting in v early so no traffic. He said he would text to let me know. I told him now he had brought it up I would be upset if he didn't turn up (got in today, Saturday and he has nothing else on). He said he wasn't guaranteeing.
Flight landed earlier than schedule. No text from DP. Tore through arrivals to see him. Not there at exit. Eventually called. No answer. Called again. Still in bed and apparently pissed off I woke him up. Am furious. He says he made clear it was a maybe. AIBU?

[quote JollyJoon]@MrzClaus
Exactly[/quote]
X post with both of these posters. That’s what I’d have thought too.

I’d hand my DH his arse if he didn’t pick me up from an airport that was 40 minutes away. Why did you accept a “maybe” in the first place?

I would dump over this.

Yabu. He didn't confirm he'd be there. You didn't confirm he'd be there. You managed a 13 hour flight without him.

It's all a bit childish and dramatic. Could you (as in both of you) not have just made an arrangement one way or the other?

The bit where you tore through arrivals to see him is just hilarious.

He shouldn't have even mentioned it if he wasn't prepared to do it. That's cruel.

BUT I would have assumed No text meant no show.

It doesn't make him less of a dick, though.

Literally all you have to do is step onto a tube and sit there. Same as if he picked you up.

If you were flying into Leeds and lived somewhere that required two or three train changes or a wait at the station I would totally see your point.

We have been together 11 years. I have been questioning the relationship as he makes so little effort. Hee wouldn't go out for dinner on my last night in the uk. No other plans, just couldn't be arsed.
I was really looking forward to seeing him and too pleased he was even thinking about coming to get me. Should have assumed no text no show instead of other way round.

@HoseMeDownWithHolyWater

He shouldn't have even mentioned it if he wasn't prepared to do it. That's cruel.

BUT I would have assumed No text meant no show.

It doesn't make him less of a dick, though.

It's not cruel to say you might pick someone up

I would assume it was a thought that he was completely put off doing because of OPs 'I will be disappointed if you don't'

I am 2 tubes and a train away. Trains are infrequent and unreliable. Not 1 tube!

I think there are two parts to this really.

YABU for being pissed off he wasn't there when he didn't say he would be. I can't really imagine ending up in this situation with DH because I would have made sure to confirm the plan.

YANBU to feel put out that he didn't want to pick you up though, particularly when the round trip would have been quicker than your train journey.

Both of you should have communicated better.
If you weren’t sure you should have clarified.

You - are you picking me tomorrow?
Him - yes or no

It shouldn’t have been complicated.

It's really strange that you both didn't know what was happening. Why didn't you talk about it yesterday?

@claymodels
Good point

Well now you know where you stand in his priorities don’t you

If my partner had been away for two weeks and it’s a 40 minute journey to collect, I would collect.

Poor communication on both sides but I would have assumed he wasn't coming as he never definitely said he was

I think you should let this go… it would’ve been nice if he’d done it, BUT it is 80 min for him ( 2 way drive) and really, 1h45 on public transport isn’t too bad? pickups at lhr are a pain now that they’ve started a new charging system / security stuff…

Also, u were away for 2 weeks that’s not really a crazy long time ?

We talked about it literally just before I left for the airport to fly home. His position was maybe and he would let me know by text either way. Which he didn't do. I then waited as I was early. Then rang and he didn't initially answer.

How can he be pissed off you woke him if he didnt confirm? You had to know if he was on the way or if you had missed him somewhere, how useless can you get! He would be far more pissed if you got the train and he was waiting for you somewhere.

Honestly OP, if I chose to stay in bed rather than go and collect my partner of 11 years after 2 weeks apart it would be because I didn’t really want them to come back and was relishing every last minute without them before I had to see them again. Which, obviously, isn’t good.

Your post made you sound very dramatic, but its obvious that you are not a priority to him.

@lockdownalli

I would dump over this.

Really? Even if he’s a good partner in other respects? Sometimes I wonder if pple on mumsnet are trying to sabotage others’ lovelives or just having a laugh

He should have communicated better, definitely! In your position though I would have just taken a taxi home if it's just 40 minutes. If you have just been on a 13 hour flight I would assume you could afford it, and going on a train for 1.5-2 hours would be exhausting after that. It takes longer to get a taxi in to central London from Heathrow after all.

I should have pushed for a yes or no, you are all right.

Uber is 60 quid. Quite a lot after expensive trip away.