Airport collection AIBU?

[SadlyMissTaken]

I've been abroad for two weeks. I live 1.5 - 2 hrs from Heathrow by tube/train. DP twice mentioned over phone he might come and collect me as I was getting in v early so no traffic. He said he would text to let me know. I told him now he had brought it up I would be upset if he didn't turn up (got in today, Saturday and he has nothing else on). He said he wasn't guaranteeing.
Flight landed earlier than schedule. No text from DP. Tore through arrivals to see him. Not there at exit. Eventually called. No answer. Called again. Still in bed and apparently pissed off I woke him up. Am furious. He says he made clear it was a maybe. AIBU?

Are people really this useless?

• didn’t insist on clarifying

@SadlyMissTaken

We have been together 11 years. I have been questioning the relationship as he makes so little effort. Hee wouldn't go out for dinner on my last night in the uk. No other plans, just couldn't be arsed. I was really looking forward to seeing him and too pleased he was even thinking about coming to get me. Should have assumed no text no show instead of other way round.

I'd be questioning the relationship too. If I had a partner who couldn't be fucked to pick me up from the airport when it was only 40 minutes drive, I would know that he didn't give a shit about me.

Also 11 years and not married... I don't know if that's your choice or his - or both, but someone not getting married (IMO) shows they are not committed. Just waiting for someone better to come along in most cases. (Not all, but most.) OR it means they're not wanting to commit so you can't get anything of theirs when you split up.

My husband would move hell and high water for me, and would not even wait for me to ask for a lift back from the airport (or wherever.) Me and DD went to a few concerts in Birmingham some 8-10 years ago, and we live in the sticks, and the nearest train station is 15 miles. He had no hesitation whatsoEVER. He came and got us from the train station at midnight. (hour and a quarter round trip.) He also TOOK us to the station at 6pm.

I take him to the pub and fetch him back too when he goes out with his mates, and he does the same for me. It's what close, committed couples do.

@Aprilx

I landed back at Heathrow three Saturdays ago, early morning. DH didn’t come to pick me up and I didn’t ask him to as it is 1.5 hours each way and not a particularly pleasant thing for him to do on his day off. I don’t need to question the relationship because of it!

You're spectacularly missing the point. The OP's DP couldn't be arsed. He left her hanging, said he may or may not pick her up, he never give her a straight answer, and then left her standing there to make her way home. Not the sign of a loving, caring man, OR a loving, caring relationship.

@SadlyMissTaken

He encouraged me to go away as he works away during the week anyway.

And therefore even less chance of him being supportive.

You can do better than him

@Aprilx

I landed back at Heathrow three Saturdays ago, early morning. DH didn’t come to pick me up and I didn’t ask him to as it is 1.5 hours each way and not a particularly pleasant thing for him to do on his day off. I don’t need to question the relationship because of it!

As I said, I wouldn't even have to ask my DH, he would just instantly offer, and just do it. Bit odd that your DH didn't even offer. Rather thoughtless actually.

Sounds like a misunderstanding. He shouldn’t have mentioned it if he wasn’t going to do it, but I think he made it clear it wasn’t definite.

It doesn't sound like much of a relationship OP - the maybe I will maybe I won't is irrelevant - he sounds disinterested

We’re in London (Croydon) but easy for Gatwick by train (strangers literally parked outside our house for the airport as it was the nearest free parking for East Croydon) so when I was with exh it was never a thought that we’d collect each other or anyone else.

So I don’t think it’s necessarily the done thing but as above, don’t mention it if you’re not going to do it.

His last text to me before I had to go into flight mode was "always said maybe" which was in response to me saying he had got my hopes up and would be upset if he now didn't come.

Oh, NOW I get it.

He's a gameplayer, who enjoys mindfuckery.

This isn't a solo incident, is it OP?

I do think that maybe you are underestimating the drive time.

Why do you think that?
OP knows where she lives, & where the airport is in relation to her own gaff FFS. I'm pretty confident her own knowledge of the drive time is way more accurate than that of someone who doesn't know her address ...

Ugh - I hate these half promises. It’s worse than not offering at all. He should’ve kept his mouth shut.

There’s a certain type of person who does this- they like to sound charitable, but never want to follow through. I could see the point if he wasn’t sure when he was finishing work or something, but he basically didn’t really want to get out of bed.

This offer is all about him and not about you.

He just isn't that into you. Sorry

I couldn't live with that. Maybes and loopholes and "cannot guarantee". He's your - supposed - partner of over a decade, not someone you're organizing a sofa delivery from. It's nice to pick up your loved one from the airport, it shows you care, it shows they've been missed.

I doubt you get any kind of romance or even consideration from this guy. Might be time to start evaluating things.

Why do you think that

Because by saying the drive time is significantly less than public transport, it means more people will agree with her!

I did go on to say he’s an ass anyway!

It doesn't sound like a great relationship, poor communication on both parts. He should have suggested picking you up if he was going to leave the idea hanging as a 'maybe', you shouldn't have expected him to be there if he hadn't said he was coming.

*he shouldn't

@SadlyMissTaken

We have been together 11 years. I have been questioning the relationship as he makes so little effort. Hee wouldn't go out for dinner on my last night in the uk. No other plans, just couldn't be arsed. I was really looking forward to seeing him and too pleased he was even thinking about coming to get me. Should have assumed no text no show instead of other way round.

Good grief - you were away for 2 weeks, not 2 years, and that's after an 11 year relationship. Did it really require a special farewell dinner and romantic reunion at the airport?

This is really depressing OP and I totally get why you're pissed off, although you definitely should have pressed for a definite answer before flying home. It was a long flight, you were knackered and you picked him some bits up from duty free - I'd be annoyed too if I was in your shoes. I don't necessarily think partners should drop absolutely everything to do things like pick each other up from the airport and sometimes it isn't possible, but it's a nice thing to do. My son and I flew back to the uk a week after my DH had flown back for work - he drove the 90 mins to Heathrow from home and when we found each other in arrivals he'd bought us some hot drinks (much needed!). Yes we could have technically got the train, but it would have been expensive, would have involved changing in Central London during rush hour and he still would have had to drive half hour to the nearest train station to our house to get us. And who wants to do all that with a 4yo, 2 suitcases and a big backpack? It's nice to make an effort for your partner and make each other's lives that bit easier when you can - and I can't see any reason as to why you're OH couldn't make the effort.

Are you considering splitting up with him?

I imagine it isn’t so much that he didn’t come to collect you that hurts, more that it seems as if he just isn’t bothered about seeing you after your two weeks away. After a horrid time with your friend’s death, someone meeting you at the airport, showing they cared and driving there and back just to see you a bit sooner and to spend some extra time with you would have meant so much. His decision to stay in bed and his general lack of interest in doing anything nice with you speaks volumes I’m afraid. You deserve better.

40 minutes... IMO is no great effort, he sounds to me that the relationship has run its course

Horrible man. Playing stupid immature mind games. Please raise your bar @SadlyMissTaken

I think he's a twat for not doing it. Airport pick ups are just such a lovely luxury and my husband and I always do it even if trains are an option. Not getting a proper confirmation before your flight is a bit stupid though.

@Isthisit22

He just isn't that into you. Sorry

You can't possibly know that.

I know it's MN, so it's illegal to consider it from his point of view but:

(1) He works away all week. So he only gets 2 days a week to wake up in his own bed and have a bit of downtime at home, first thing. If you have ever had to work away in the week, you will know how precious that is.

(2) The OP has been on a break, albeit following a sad event. So she has been not working, and is rested, while he has been at work as normal, so will be tired.

(3) OP is presumably a functioning grown up who has managed to travel abroad independently, and who has a perfectly good public transport option that will get her back in the same time as the total round trip for him.

If the sexes were reversed, and the OP was a man complaining about not being picked up, PPs would be up in arms, calling him entitled and telling his partner that she had every right to rest, after he had been on holiday.

I agree that he should have been clearer, but he has otherwise done nothing wrong, and people encouraging the OP to dump an 11 year relationship because she didn't get a lift are fucking mad.